[sek929]

I sat down in the morning 7 days ago ready to visit the numerous threads that were desperately seeking my attention when, to my horror, the notification of my bannination stared at me through the LCD like an angry parent with their children's bag of weed clutched in disapproving hands. My mind began to race. My pulse quickened. As quick as a shot came the sickness, like a detective that had been watching around the corner and now followed to make his arrest.

What would I do?

The first night was a horror. Vomiting, sobbing, uncontrollable bowels, and the urge to quote others around me and then add my own two cents. I spent the wee hours of the next morning huddled in a ball by the toilet. Truly this ban would test my soul.

The second night was a mix of depression and frantic searching. Maybe another forum would allow me to get my fix, maybe a user "Dukar V" was posting silly Halo 3 images somewhere else...I had to try. Every other forum I visited only reminded me of my loss, including the Twilight Fan Fiction forum where I vainly attempted to post why Macs are way more awesome than PCs.

The third day started with a whimper. Staring vacantly at my wall I pondered the reasons for even getting up, eating food, or gaming out. What use were these things if not to be posted about later? My girlfriend vainly attempted to sexually seduce me but unwittingly brought my mind back to the NN with a comment about my pubic hair. After berating her into tears about how awful her entire family is I decided to return to sleep.

By the fourth day my shakes had subsided, I was eating again and I was able to maintain an erection for more that a few minutes. With every passing second online my hand would click the bookmark for MacNN, what a cruel thing muscle memory is! I started to think if online would feel as good for me ever again.

The fifth day was one of redemption. I ran 10 miles, biked 20 miles, and swam the english channel. I gained 15 pounds of muscle and increased my IQ by 30 points. I regaled my friends of conquests past through the magic of interpretive dance. That night I was watching Star Trek TNG, after seeing Picard place his head into his palms I had a complete relapse.

After a night of horrifying dreams where I was locked in brutal post-combat with Abe AND Kevin I awoke on the 6th day in a cold sweat at 6 PM..apparently the Picard facepalm had drained my system more than I could have imagined. Also, I lost all my muscle mass, returned to a level of mild stupor and, for the life of me, couldn't remember my saucy dance numbers from the previous night.

By the seventh day I was desperately sending Dakar game invites on XBL, pining to hear his milky-sweet sarcastic voice. Did the NN still exist? Would I be welcomed back? Were the admins/mods sipping champagne and in between rounds of uproarious laughter damning the name of sek929?

I checked the forum first with iCab, I couldn't bear to see the ban screen again, even if it was only minutes from being lifted.

Apparently Apple is doomed again, Ca$h came back and was banned, and a chunky 22 year-old is selling her flower.

I'll never stray again!!!

[brassplayersrock²]

[Shaddim]

Tl,dr

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by sek929 

The fifth day was one of redemption. I ran 10 miles, biked 20 miles, and swam the english channel. I gained 15 pounds of muscle and increased my IQ by 30 points.

Wait. You mean you don't do this regularly anyway?

[Atomic Rooster]

Who really cares? In a hundred years each of us will be dead, asleep forever, our eternal dirtnap. I expect to be cremated so no one can wake me up.

[Big Mac]

WB, sek929.

[Maflynn]

welcome back, I'm pretty impressed the english channel is a bit cold this time of year

[Dakar V]

Originally Posted by Atomic Rooster 

Who really cares? In a hundred years each of us will be dead, asleep forever, our eternal dirtnap. I expect to be cremated so no one can wake me up.

First post in the month and you don't care? Sure. And it's obvious you didn't even read the OP.

Great job, looking forward to your next post about not caring about the moderation or bans.

[shifuimam]

I give it a 10/10 for creativity, grammar and composition.

Welcome back to the family.

[Laminar]

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

I give it a 10/10 for creativity, grammar and composition.

You must not have been reading close enough.

Originally Posted by sek929 

I was able to maintain an erection for more that a few minutes.

Also, best ban-comeback ever.

[zro]

Originally Posted by sek929 

I sat down in the morning 7 days ago ready to visit the numerous threads that were desperately seeking my attention when, to my horror, the notification of my bannination stared at me through the LCD like an angry parent with their children's bag of weed clutched in disapproving hands. My mind began to race. My pulse quickened. As quick as a shot came the sickness, like a detective that had been watching around the corner and now followed to make his arrest.

What would I do?

The first night was a horror. Vomiting, sobbing, uncontrollable bowels, and the urge to quote others around me and then add my own two cents. I spent the wee hours of the next morning huddled in a ball by the toilet. Truly this ban would test my soul.

The second night was a mix of depression and frantic searching. Maybe another forum would allow me to get my fix, maybe a user "Dukar V" was posting silly Halo 3 images somewhere else...I had to try. Every other forum I visited only reminded me of my loss, including the Twilight Fan Fiction forum where I vainly attempted to post why Macs are way more awesome than PCs.

The third day started with a whimper. Staring vacantly at my wall I pondered the reasons for even getting up, eating food, or gaming out. What use were these things if not to be posted about later? My girlfriend vainly attempted to sexually seduce me but unwittingly brought my mind back to the NN with a comment about my pubic hair. After berating her into tears about how awful her entire family is I decided to return to sleep.

By the fourth day my shakes had subsided, I was eating again and I was able to maintain an erection for more that a few minutes. With every passing second online my hand would click the bookmark for MacNN, what a cruel thing muscle memory is! I started to think if online would feel as good for me ever again.

The fifth day was one of redemption. I ran 10 miles, biked 20 miles, and swam the english channel. I gained 15 pounds of muscle and increased my IQ by 30 points. I regaled my friends of conquests past through the magic of interpretive dance. That night I was watching Star Trek TNG, after seeing Picard place his head into his palms I had a complete relapse.

After a night of horrifying dreams where I was locked in brutal post-combat with Abe AND Kevin I awoke on the 6th day in a cold sweat at 6 PM..apparently the Picard facepalm had drained my system more than I could have imagined. Also, I lost all my muscle mass, returned to a level of mild stupor and, for the life of me, couldn't remember my saucy dance numbers from the previous night.

By the seventh day I was desperately sending Dakar game invites on XBL, pining to hear his milky-sweet sarcastic voice. Did the NN still exist? Would I be welcomed back? Were the admins/mods sipping champagne and in between rounds of uproarious laughter damning the name of sek929?

I checked the forum first with iCab, I couldn't bear to see the ban screen again, even if it was only minutes from being lifted.

Apparently Apple is doomed again, Ca$h came back and was banned, and a chunky 22 year-old is selling her flower.

I'll never stray again!!!

Reported.
Gotcha!

[osiris]

Well, that was an interesting read for a bleary eyed morning.

But you forgot the 'dark stormy night' or 'cold damp morning' intro.

[Railroader]

+1

[Dakar V]

sek was gone? I didn't even notice.

[mattyb]

Crap, thought that it was sek930 posting.

WB.

[Laminar]

Originally Posted by Dakar V 

sek was gone? I didn't even notice.

[design219]

So what did you do to get banned?

[Salty]

Haha I can't remember really what got me off NN... probably the whole... school thing... and work helped too... work helped a lot actually.

[Laminar]

Originally Posted by design219 

So what did you do to get banned?

Salty or sek?

[Dakar V]

Originally Posted by Salty 

Haha I can't remember really what got me off NN... probably the whole... school thing... and work helped too... work helped a lot actually.

Luckily a few mentions of your name manages to bring you back...every...time...

[Salty]

What? No I'm really bored, my store's been dead lately... what with it being January and all.

[Laminar]

You sell bikinis?

[analogue SPRINKLES]

Ha ha, I don't know what all this ban stuff is about but that was pretty funny Sek.

[Salty]

I sell iPhones and BlackBerries... and sometimes a Nokia... if they promise me they don't need data...

[design219]

Originally Posted by Laminar 

Salty or sek?

Uhmm, well, sek. I don't know where salty came in. Didn't know he was banned either.

[Laminar]

Originally Posted by design219 

Uhmm, well, sek. I don't know where salty came in. Didn't know he was banned either.

That's what I figured, but Salty replied as if you were referring to him. Salty thinks everything's about him? Who would have guessed!

[Dakar V]

Damn the white text for stealing the tone of my now aborted reply.

[Oisín]

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

I give it a 10/10 for creativity, grammar and composition.

Welcome back to the family.

What she said (even with the typo—not even I would detract a point for that, not when the rest is so brilliant).

Best OP evar.

[Salty]

Originally Posted by Laminar 

That's what I figured, but Salty replied as if you were referring to him. Salty thinks everything's about him? Who would have guessed!

What? No I didn't.

[sek929]

It's good to see my return somehow coaxed Salty out of his hibernation.

[Dakar V]

Originally Posted by sek929 

It's good to see my return somehow coaxed Salty out of his ––

Stop right there.

[sek929]

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

I give it a 10/10 for creativity, grammar and composition.

Welcome back to the family.

Which, considering I wrote it, is a goddamn miracle.

Though the last sentence of the first paragraph is stolen directly from A Clockwork Orange.

[Dakar V]

I was cured all right.

[sek929]

Vidy well my little droogies.

[Laminar]

*bell tolls*

[osiris]

for whom?

[sek929]

Originally Posted by Laminar 

*bell tolls*

Originally Posted by osiris 

for whom?

I see what you did there...

[Dakar V]

And suddenly all is right in the Lounge again.

[sek929]

Time to go create a Scientology thread in the PWL....
I keeed, I keeeed

[Dakar V]

Please, if you're going get banned, at least get banned trying to entertain one of us.

[turtle777]

I'm bored.

No blaming of mods or 'NN rules ?

-t

[Shaddim]

I just wanna know something, do they have to let hyteckit come back?

Just kidding... really.

[Oisín]

Originally Posted by turtle777 

I'm bored.

No blaming of mods or 'NN rules ?

-t

That’s for later, when the thread’s been moved to the Feedback Lounge Forum.