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KeriVit · Mar 20, 2008, 04:35 PM

OK, I've got this friend. He's been having some issues. Not working. Possible drug problem. Lost 2 sisters and his father in the last year. He's confided in me that he may need to be in a rehab (last week). Then I get this email:

"It's come to a head. I'm done. love ya"

He's been known to bend the truth in the past, but never threatened suicide. Or maybe this means he's going to rehab. There's no answer on his phone. Any thoughts as I sit here wondering what to do?

brassplayersrock² · Mar 20, 2008, 04:37 PM

uhh, call your mutual friends and have them and you go over to his house asap. not get together then go, but just drop what you're all doing and head over there. tell them what's up

osiris · Mar 20, 2008, 04:46 PM

Get over there now or get someone closer to get to your friend's house.
This isn't something you should waste time with, please.

brassplayersrock² · Mar 20, 2008, 04:49 PM

oh, and add any family members that are close to him to the list of people to call as well

Sijmen · Mar 20, 2008, 04:50 PM

Two options:
1: Help him commit suicide. This will either scare him(i.e. he wanted attention) or send him over the edge(in which case you couldn't do a thing for him in the first place)
2: Get him help. If he's given up, this won't be resolved in a matter of days. It'll take weeks/months to get him back on track.

Tiresias · Mar 20, 2008, 04:50 PM

I just finished reading Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide by Kay Jamison.

Call his family, and tell them to seek professional help ASAP! Always take threats of suicide seriously.

brassplayersrock² · Mar 20, 2008, 04:52 PM

JC sijmen

KeriVit · Mar 20, 2008, 05:06 PM

I can't seem to find our mutual friends right now. But, I'm changing to go look for him.
I know where he lives-, I drop him off all the time, but not the apt number. Crap.

brassplayersrock² · Mar 20, 2008, 05:07 PM

just go damn it

KeriVit · Mar 20, 2008, 05:07 PM

Sorry if I seem callous, but it kinda struck me as the boy who cried wolf at first. Not about suicide, but attention getting measures. Apparently, I was wrong and shouldn't chance it.

KeriVit · Mar 20, 2008, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by brassplayersrock²

just go damn it

Going now. Bye

Tiresias · Mar 20, 2008, 05:19 PM

Originally Posted by Sijmen

Two options:
1: Help him commit suicide. This will either scare him(i.e. he wanted attention) or send him over the edge(in which case you couldn't do a thing for him in the first place)

Not funny, not clever, not appropriate.

blackstar · Mar 20, 2008, 05:35 PM

I agree with everyone on here; you should try to spend some time with him to see what he is thinking. I don't really believe in professional help and such. I think it is more important that his friends take care of him, and I think that that is what eventually is going to help him.

Mithras · Mar 20, 2008, 05:41 PM

I definitely do believe in professional help. It helped pull me back from the brink. But you're absolutely correct that friends and family are an important, integral part of putting life back in order.

subego · Mar 20, 2008, 06:56 PM

Originally Posted by KeriVit

Not about suicide, but attention getting measures. Apparently, I was wrong and shouldn't chance it.

You're doing the right thing.

Even if he's trying to get attention, the attention he needs now is to have friends, police and paramedics show up.

Good luck!

Eug · Mar 20, 2008, 07:15 PM

Go over yourself. Like now. Call the family and friends too.

And if you're really, really worried, call the police before you go.

brassplayersrock² · Mar 20, 2008, 07:17 PM

I think kerivit has already gone eug.

OwlBoy · Mar 20, 2008, 08:35 PM

Originally Posted by I, Tiresias

Not funny, not clever, not appropriate.

Ageed.

Mrjinglesusa · Mar 20, 2008, 08:56 PM

Originally Posted by Sijmen

Two options:
1: Help him commit suicide. This will either scare him(i.e. he wanted attention) or send him over the edge(in which case you couldn't do a thing for him in the first place)

You're an idiot.

Eug · Mar 20, 2008, 09:09 PM

Originally Posted by brassplayersrock²

I think kerivit has already gone eug.

Hope the guy's OK.

brassplayersrock² · Mar 20, 2008, 09:26 PM

me as well.... me as well

KeriVit · Mar 20, 2008, 09:49 PM

He's okay. He didn't answer the door at first, second, third, so I called my other half- a medic. We banged on windows and doors. Nothing. Called the police. But we finally got in before they came. He was "asleep"- all day. He is EXTREMELY depressed. Very sorry for making us worry. Quiet. Sober. Sad. We are going to meet him in the a.m. for breakfast and to take him to unemployment/employment office. Also, we are going to go to the VA and see about counseling. (He's a desert storm vet) He swears he's too chicken to do anything. It was hard to leave a grown man in that state. He was like a little sad puppy. But, honestly, if he wants to do it, he will, I can't watch him 24/7.

Thanks for making me go (tho I woulda slower). Ya just don't know. He was truly touched by our presence.

subego · Mar 20, 2008, 09:52 PM

Whew.

brassplayersrock² · Mar 20, 2008, 09:53 PM

you left him alone?

KeriVit · Mar 20, 2008, 10:29 PM

Yes. I did. After a long talk and a plan in place. Criticize me if you will. We all felt alright with it. Like I said, if he is going to do it, he will find a way. Maybe not tonight had I stayed there. But eventually. I did as much as I could do for now.

brassplayersrock² · Mar 20, 2008, 10:31 PM

that's all there is to do sometimes. just kinda surprised me you guys left him is all.

KeriVit · Mar 20, 2008, 11:01 PM

My Dad is a psychologist. In a similar situation several years ago, he told me if someone is that determined they will do it. But, if they are reaching out, they appreciate the comfort of friends. We did that. I hope it is enough. Tomorrow, we will take him to do some things. He has a car, he could go himself, but we are gonna go and take him. He seemed to be happy wih that. He was so sorry. I've never heard that child-like tone in his voice. I feel okay with things. I may regret not staying. I hope not.

Tiresias · Mar 21, 2008, 02:44 AM

Originally Posted by KeriVit

He's okay. He didn't answer the door at first, second, third, so I called my other half- a medic. We banged on windows and doors. Nothing. Called the police. But we finally got in before they came. He was "asleep"- all day. He is EXTREMELY depressed. Very sorry for making us worry. Quiet. Sober. Sad. We are going to meet him in the a.m. for breakfast and to take him to unemployment/employment office. Also, we are going to go to the VA and see about counseling. (He's a desert storm vet) He swears he's too chicken to do anything. It was hard to leave a grown man in that state. He was like a little sad puppy. But, honestly, if he wants to do it, he will, I can't watch him 24/7.

Thanks for making me go (tho I woulda slower). Ya just don't know. He was truly touched by our presence.

No. You can't watch him 24/7, but there are people you can and will. If he is really a threat to himself, he should be admitted to a psychiatric facility and put on 24 hour suicide watch until he gets the proper treatment for his depression and suicidality.

James L · Mar 21, 2008, 01:52 PM

Originally Posted by I, Tiresias

No. You can't watch him 24/7, but there are people you can and will. If he is really a threat to himself, he should be admitted to a psychiatric facility and put on 24 hour suicide watch until he gets the proper treatment for his depression and suicidality.

If he is not willing to do that on a voluntary basis it is much harder to commit him to it than most people think.

KeriVit · Mar 21, 2008, 10:46 PM

We took him to unemployment today and that turned out promising. I'm just surprised at how many mutual "friends" don't care about him. I think the whole crying wolf thing got to them. But, really, what is wrong with people to be so cold? Am I so different to actuallycare?!?

OldManMac · Mar 21, 2008, 11:04 PM

Originally Posted by KeriVit

Am I so different to actuallycare?!?

Sadly, you probably are.

Sijmen · Mar 22, 2008, 08:02 AM

Originally Posted by I, Tiresias

Not funny, not clever, not appropriate.

Originally Posted by OwlBoy

Ageed.

Originally Posted by Mrjinglesusa

You're an idiot.

The thing is, we find life important. Important enough that we can judge over the lives of others. He lost some very close people, his heart hurts like &*^*$%(*&^! Who are we to take the responsibility over his life and sustain his pain so we can mend his broken soul? We can't decide whether he lives or dies. That's what he has to do. If he chooses to take his life and end the pain, than that is his choice. The fact that nobody agrees with his decision doesn't change his opinion or his wanting for it to end. It's not up to us to send him off to a shrink and stuff him full of drugs because otherwise he'd kill himself. There a reason for him thinking about suicide. We can't take that reason away. He'll be miserable for a very long time before he gets over this. Is it worth the wait? Is it worth the struggle? Many say 'yes' because they view life as valuable. While it isn't valuable enough for him.

It's not up to us to forcing him to stay alive with the terrible pain he feels if he doesn't want to. We're not that important.

Tiresias · Mar 22, 2008, 08:08 AM

Originally Posted by Sijmen

The thing is, we find life important. Important enough that we can judge over the lives of others. He lost some very close people, his heart hurts like &*^*$%(*&^! Who are we to take the responsibility over his life and sustain his pain so we can mend his broken soul? We can't decide whether he lives or dies. That's what he has to do. If he chooses to take his life and end the pain, than that is his choice. The fact that nobody agrees with his decision doesn't change his opinion or his wanting for it to end. It's not up to us to send him off to a shrink and stuff him full of drugs because otherwise he'd kill himself. There a reason for him thinking about suicide. We can't take that reason away. He'll be miserable for a very long time before he gets over this. Is it worth the wait? Is it worth the struggle? Many say 'yes' because they view life as valuable. While it isn't valuable enough for him.

It's not up to us to forcing him to stay alive with the terrible pain he feels if he doesn't want to. We're not that important.

Wow. As I read this, I could actually feel myself getting stupider.

Mrjinglesusa · Mar 22, 2008, 09:42 AM

Originally Posted by Sijmen

The thing is, we find life important. Important enough that we can judge over the lives of others. He lost some very close people, his heart hurts like &*^*$%(*&^! Who are we to take the responsibility over his life and sustain his pain so we can mend his broken soul? We can't decide whether he lives or dies. That's what he has to do. If he chooses to take his life and end the pain, than that is his choice. The fact that nobody agrees with his decision doesn't change his opinion or his wanting for it to end. It's not up to us to send him off to a shrink and stuff him full of drugs because otherwise he'd kill himself. There a reason for him thinking about suicide. We can't take that reason away. He'll be miserable for a very long time before he gets over this. Is it worth the wait? Is it worth the struggle? Many say 'yes' because they view life as valuable. While it isn't valuable enough for him.

It's not up to us to forcing him to stay alive with the terrible pain he feels if he doesn't want to. We're not that important.

I repeat - you're an idiot.

When you need an entire incoherent paragraph to try to justify a stupid, insensitive, ignorant, one-line comment then you KNOW what you said was stupid, insensitive, and ignorant.

Sijmen · Mar 22, 2008, 07:34 PM

Originally Posted by Mrjinglesusa

I repeat - you're an idiot.

When you need an entire incoherent paragraph to try to justify a stupid, insensitive, ignorant, one-line comment then you KNOW what you said was stupid, insensitive, and ignorant.

I agree. It was insensitive and stupid. It's not the right place and time to write down my thoughts on life.

brassplayersrock² · Mar 22, 2008, 07:39 PM

do us a favor Sijmen... don't breed

Tiresias · Mar 23, 2008, 03:18 AM

Originally Posted by brassplayersrock²

do us a favor Sijmen... don't breed

If everyone who said something stupid chose not to breed, there is gonna be no more peoples.

brassplayersrock² · Mar 23, 2008, 03:25 AM

no, not all those who say something... just certain ones

KeriVit · Mar 23, 2008, 06:02 PM

On another note, my friend likes James Patterson and Karin Slaughter. What other authors would you suggest that are like these two? I have a TON of paperbacks I'm culling through to bring over.

davesimondotcom · Mar 23, 2008, 07:18 PM

KeriVit -

You may have saved your friend's life. Sometimes, knowing someone would notice and care if you go through with suicide can be all someone needs to keep them from doing it.