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Kerrigan · Apr 19, 2009, 08:27 PM

This can't be real! However, it is.

------------http://www.lovegodsway.org/GayBands------------

One of the most dangerous ways Homosexuality invades family life is through popular music. Parents, please keep careful watch over your children’s listening habits. Especially in this age of Internet mp3 piracy.

There are multiple levels of Gay Music. Some bands are what we like to call Gateway Bands. They lure children in with Pop Grooves and Salacious Melodies leaving them wanting more. They’ll move on to more dangerous bands and the next thing you know you’ve got a homosexual for a child.
We’ve taken the time to highlight the bands that are particularly Gay. Please take the time and dissect your child’s CD / iTunes catalog. If you find 3 or more of these bands in their collection it is time to take action.
We Strongly recommend that you burn the CDs. Make sure your child is watching. Make sure they can feel the heat. It is crucial that the image remains emblazoned in their young minds. They need to know that if they continue to listen to these bands they may Burn eternally as well.
Bands to watch out for

* Lil'Wayne
* P!nK (gay family)
* The Black Keys
* Coldplay
* SlipKnot (make-up)
* RadioHead
* Michael Jackson
* Boredoms
* School of Seven Bells (gay twins)
* Jason Mraz
* Jonas Brothers
* Rilo Kiley
* Death Cab for Cutie
* Sarah McLachlan
* George Strait
* Cold War Kids
* Toby Keith (cowboy)
* P-Diddy
* Black People
* Vampire Weekend
* King Crimson
* Kate Bush (kissed a girl)
* Bob Dylan
* Fleet Foxes
* Sigur Ros (nudists)
* Twisted Sister
* The Spores (endorse suicide)
* Scissor Sisters
* Turbonegro
* Rufus Wainwright
* Merzbau
* Ravi Shankar
* The Butchies (lizbians)
* Wilco
* Bjork (mb)
* Tech N9ne
* Ghostface Killah
* Bobby Conn
* Morton Subotnik
* Cole Porter
* The String Cheese Incident
* Eagles of Death Metal
* Polyphonic Spree
* The Faint
* Interpol
* Twisted Sister (jj)
* Tegan and Sara
* Erasure
* The Grateful Dead (drugs too)
* Le Tigre
* Marilyn Manson (dark gay)
* The Gossip
* The Magnetic Fields
* The Doors
* Phish
* Queen
* The Strokes
* Morrissey(?questionable?)
* Metallica

* Judas Priest
* The Village People
* The Secret Handshake
* The Rolling Stones
* David Bowie
* Frankie Goes to Hollywood
* Man or Astroman
* Richard Cheese
* Jay-Z
* Depeche Mode
* Kansas
* Ani DiFranco
* Fischerspooner
* John Mayer
* George Michael (texan)
* Angel Eyes
* The Indigo Girls
* Velvet Underground
* Madonna
* Elton John
* Barry Manilow
* Indigo Girls
* Melissa Etheridge
* Eminmen
* Nirvana
* Boy George
* Jon Brion
* The Killers
* Lou Reed
* Lil' Wayne
* Motorhead
* Jill Sobule
* Wilson Phillips
* DMX
* Wesley Willis
* Lisa Loeb
* Ted Nugent (wore a loincloth)
* Dogstar
* Thirty Seconds to Mars
* Lil' Kim
* kd lang
* Frank Sinatra
* Hinder
* Nickleback
* Justus Kohncke
* Bob Mould
* Clay Aiken
* Arcade Fire
* Bright Eyes
* Corinne Bailey Rae
* Audioslave
* Red Hot Chili Peppers
* Panic at the Disco
* The Cure (makeup)
* Spin Doctors
* The Deers
* Lindsey Lohan
* The Smiths
* Beck
* Tom Waits
* The Cramps
* Cannibal Corpse
* Britney Spears(kissed Madonna)
* Perfect Sin
* The Queers
* NoFx(gay punk)
* Soup Dragons
* Elton John(really gay)

-------------------------

Now, they have a "safe" music section that will help you in "your quest to raise a heterosexual child." The list is very short and includes only two bands that anyone would recognize: Blondie and Cheap Trick. lol

Motives aside, I do think there is something to be said for his parenthetical critiques. Elton John is "really gay", and I think a reasonable person would agree that NOFX is basically "gay punk,"

What do you do if your child listens to these songs and turns gay? Well, the author says: "I don't think all homosexuals should be jailed, [but] I do think it would benefit them greatly." I hear prison has a very active cruising scene (careful, it's all bareback).

macforray · Apr 19, 2009, 08:58 PM

Holy Cr*p!! That can't be real.

I have seven kids from 6 to 22. I guess they are all gay. For that matter, my wife and I must be gay.

I never would have guessed!

shifuimam · Apr 19, 2009, 09:07 PM

This is totally a parody.

The video that's linked to from the site has funnyordie.com's watermark on it.

There's also the fact that they refer to Oscar Wilde as a reformed homosexual who was imprisoned for being gay, while Wikipedia would make one thing that Wilde was imprisoned for libel.

So, yeah.

OldManMac · Apr 19, 2009, 09:14 PM

Just more proof that you can't eliminate stupidity, and gullibility, from the human race.

Kerrigan · Apr 19, 2009, 09:26 PM

Oscar Wilde's trial is famous because it was a prosecution of his homosexual lifestyle. So I don't see what that's about..

You're right though, the video is a dead giveaway. Should have watched it before posting!

- - e r i k - - · Apr 19, 2009, 09:34 PM

Originally Posted by Kerrigan

* Death Cab for Cutie

Well, that settles it then

turtle777 · Apr 19, 2009, 09:43 PM

* Elton John(really gay)
* George Michael (texan)

-t

turtle777 · Apr 19, 2009, 09:44 PM

* Kate Bush (kissed a girl)

But what about Katy Perry ?

-t

Chuckit · Apr 19, 2009, 10:33 PM

Originally Posted by turtle777

But what about Katy Perry ?

-t

It doesn't count if you liked it.

Doofy · Apr 20, 2009, 02:09 AM

No offence, but if you're listening to Radiohead you're probably already gay. And not in a good way.

Kerrigan · Apr 20, 2009, 02:20 AM

Agreed. The same can be said for 'Lil Wayne', who appropriately tops the list of gay gateway music.

Chuckit · Apr 20, 2009, 02:45 AM

What do they mean that Pink has a gay family, though?

Shaddim · Apr 20, 2009, 03:52 AM

Scissor Sisters

Ok, they have a point here...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXZ1tygRaVw

gradient · Apr 20, 2009, 03:59 AM

I can't believe they left out Pansy Division!

chris v · Apr 20, 2009, 08:18 PM

Hey, Cheap Trick rocks!

ShortcutToMoncton · Apr 20, 2009, 09:32 PM

You kidding? Lil' Wayne is the ****!

greg

Rumor · Apr 21, 2009, 12:58 AM

They also left out Nelson.

kmkkid · Apr 22, 2009, 06:08 PM

Slipknot is gay because they wear costumes?

Yeah, ok.

Where is Ricky Martin?

The Godfather · Apr 22, 2009, 09:27 PM

t.A.T.u. wasn't listed?

smacintush · Apr 22, 2009, 10:25 PM

Originally Posted by kmkkid

Slipknot is gay because they wear costumes?

Yeah, ok.

Well, they are a 9 man cluster ****…

J/k, I love Slipknot

kmkkid · Apr 23, 2009, 06:42 AM

Originally Posted by smacintush

Well, they are a 9 man cluster ****…

J/k, I love Slipknot

Most every band is a 4+ guy orgy though. Not many mixed these days.

vmarks · Apr 23, 2009, 07:20 AM

Originally Posted by Doofy

No offence, but if you're listening to Radiohead you're probably already gay. And not in a good way.

Yeah, but what about Ted Nugent?

Doofy · Apr 23, 2009, 11:26 AM

Originally Posted by vmarks

Yeah, but what about Ted Nugent?

Uncle Ted? Gayest man on the planet, obviously. With Lemmy running him a close second.

That list has to be a fake, no? Surely nobody's that unaware of the world around them to believe that Uncle Ted engages in the flamboyancy?

chris v · Apr 23, 2009, 04:20 PM

Originally Posted by kmkkid

Slipknot is gay because they wear costumes?

Yeah, ok.

Yeah, they're waaay off here. Slipknot just plain sucks.