[keekeeree]

Okay...so who has been down the path of breaking up with someone, but continuing the benefits of an intimate relationship without (supposedly) the emotional entanglements.

I'd be interested in hearing about your experiences (on the emotional side, not necessarily the intimate side) and wisdom gained...

How has your friendships with "benefits" turned out?

[willed]

That's what I need - a fukbuddy.

[Spliffdaddy]

It's not nearly as much fun as a 'dedicated' relationship.

something about having your cake and eating it too...sounds good until you try it.


PS, while guys talk a lot of crap about stuff just like this - it's the women who are best able to pull it off without getting too attached.

[Logic]

Wow Spliff, you made sense and I agree

Don't ever let that happen again

[scaught]

well said spliff.

guys always let some sort of territorial pissing match get in the way.

[bleuvixen]

having a relationship with some one and then going to just fuk buddies sucks and it never works.......but if you start as fuk buddies then that works out very nicely for everyone involved

[Cipher13]

Been there twice, and it just doesn't work. I never expected it to go as planned, but eh... I didn't expect it to go the way it DID go either.

One of them I don't talk to anymore, the other I'm still friends with (and it went just the way we planned).

It all depends on the relationship you have with the person in question...

[nonhuman]

I'm gonna have to agree with Spliff here. Although it can work out and be a lot of fun.

[OB1]

It can work. If you're in the proccess of seperating from someone you've been with for a long time it can be very painfull, and hard to stay away from each other, even though the love is gone.

Its common for people to sleep with each other for a while after they break up. I guess its just a way to work out the emotions and stuff.

Or maybe you're just prolonging the inevitable.

Treat each other with respect.

[ShortcutToMoncton]

Mmmmmmm. Nope, it never goes as well as you think it will.

But it's fun.

greg

[RGB]

I'm really not sure where I stand on this one. At the beginning of September, my girlfriend of a year and I broke up. Or, rather, I got dumped. After a few weeks of tension, and a few harsh words said, we wound up being friends with benefits for a week or two, at which point she called that off. Another week or two later, and we were friends with benefits once again. Now this is where it got really tricky. We'll call my ex Girl A, and now there's the presence of Girl B.

Girl B and I had been getting a bit closer throughout this process, she was helping me get through some things, a good person to talk to, etc. At the end of this second stint of benefits with Girl A, Girl B was showing a lot of interest. And while with Girl A, I couldn't work under the assumption that she wanted to get back together. So I made the decision to end things with my ex, and pursue a relationship with the new girl. Upon telling my ex this, she responded that she had been thinking of getting back together. Sorry, you're too late was my response. Telling her I was leaving was one of the hardest nights of my life. The friends w/ benefits wasn't enough for me, and I had already gone too far in commiting myself towards Girl B to turn back.

After a month of pursuing Girl B and that not going anywhere, my ex and I got back together.

For a month, things were great. I loved being back in a full relationship with her. And then she crapped out on me. Broke plans, didn't want to be with me, etc. I gave her a chance to make up for a month of neglect, and instead she broke up with me. After she broke up with me, she was nicer to me than she had been in a month. And it pissed me off, because she had it in her all along. So I made the decision to distance myself, get over her once and for all, and I vowed I'd never go back.

I still haven't forgiven her for what happened that month before our recent breakup. But two weeks ago, after being apart for a month, we started talking a lot again. And now for the last week or so we've been friends with benefits again. I don't know what I'm doing, or how I should feel. But it feels absolutely amazing. She's treating me better now than the last time we were officially together. It's great when she likes this. But the alternative scares me shitless, when things go bad. This last week or so could turn out to be a huge mistake, but I sure hope not. We're likely to continue like this for a little while, and I'm really happy the way things are. After a few weeks though, who knows how we'll turn out.

Friends with benefits is a very dangerous thing. It could be counterproductive in getting over an ex, or productive in getting together with a potential partner. All you can do is accept the risk, and hope it turns out for the best.

[spacefreak]

Imagine your 'friend' sharing benefits with her new 'friends'. How would that make you feel? Hurt? Jealous?

My experience is that this type of situation could be inevitable, so know in advance how you'd feel. Watch out for yourself.

[RGB]

Originally posted by spacefreak:
Imagine your 'friend' sharing benefits with her new 'friends'. How would that make you feel? Hurt? Jealous?

My experience is that this type of situation could be inevitable, so know in advance how you'd feel. Watch out for yourself.

That's a very bad situation. Very bad. Have I mentioned how bad that is? One reason why friends with benefits is so risky.

[keekeeree]

Thanks for the replies...kinda nice to read others' experiences in what I'm going through.

My girlfriend of two years (lived together for a year) and I broke up three months ago. It was my call and the first time I'd ever been mature enough to call an end to a relationship that was obvious to me that we weren't compatible for the long haul.

Shortly after the break-up and she moved out, she initiated the "benefits". I thought maybe it was a desperate attempt to get back together, and I told her it wouldn't change anything. She said she didn't care. Well, over the past few months, we've enjoyed these benefits, with the understanding if something should happen with either of us and another person, the benefits would end. Basically now I feel like I'm playing an emotional game of russian roulette cause I know it'll drive me nuts if she causes the benefits to end.

I think Spliffdaddy was right in his comment about guys being the ones to get attached (remain attached?). Lately when I see her out on the town with her new batch of friends, I find myself getting jealous if she's hanging on other guys. I'm not liking that jealousy bit. It's time to let go, but it's a tough thing to walk away from. Just this afternoon I was hoping she'd swing by for a little even though two days ago I asked her to stop by so we could talk, with the intention of ending the benefits (she couldn't make it).

*sigh*

So anyway...I'm finding that emotional ties are remaining uncut, at least from my end. I know I'm gonna end up seeing her tonight. And we'll both be in our own circles, and I know it's gonna bug me what she's up after the bar shuts down. Grrrr...stupid emotional ties combined with being a big stupid hormonal male....

I swear to god, that little head has a powerful hold over men despite what our other head and heart says.

[Cipher13]

Originally posted by RGB:
I'm really not sure where I stand on this one. At the beginning of September, my girlfriend of a year and I broke up. Or, rather, I got dumped. After a few weeks of tension, and a few harsh words said, we wound up being friends with benefits for a week or two, at which point she called that off. Another week or two later, and we were friends with benefits once again. Now this is where it got really tricky. We'll call my ex Girl A, and now there's the presence of Girl B.

Girl B and I had been getting a bit closer throughout this process, she was helping me get through some things, a good person to talk to, etc. At the end of this second stint of benefits with Girl A, Girl B was showing a lot of interest. And while with Girl A, I couldn't work under the assumption that she wanted to get back together. So I made the decision to end things with my ex, and pursue a relationship with the new girl. Upon telling my ex this, she responded that she had been thinking of getting back together. Sorry, you're too late was my response. Telling her I was leaving was one of the hardest nights of my life. The friends w/ benefits wasn't enough for me, and I had already gone too far in commiting myself towards Girl B to turn back.

After a month of pursuing Girl B and that not going anywhere, my ex and I got back together.

For a month, things were great. I loved being back in a full relationship with her. And then she crapped out on me. Broke plans, didn't want to be with me, etc. I gave her a chance to make up for a month of neglect, and instead she broke up with me. After she broke up with me, she was nicer to me than she had been in a month. And it pissed me off, because she had it in her all along. So I made the decision to distance myself, get over her once and for all, and I vowed I'd never go back.

I still haven't forgiven her for what happened that month before our recent breakup. But two weeks ago, after being apart for a month, we started talking a lot again. And now for the last week or so we've been friends with benefits again. I don't know what I'm doing, or how I should feel. But it feels absolutely amazing. She's treating me better now than the last time we were officially together. It's great when she likes this. But the alternative scares me shitless, when things go bad. This last week or so could turn out to be a huge mistake, but I sure hope not. We're likely to continue like this for a little while, and I'm really happy the way things are. After a few weeks though, who knows how we'll turn out.

Friends with benefits is a very dangerous thing. It could be counterproductive in getting over an ex, or productive in getting together with a potential partner. All you can do is accept the risk, and hope it turns out for the best.

You have to leave emotion out of it... which is impossible.

They never work out.

[Fallout]

I've never had the experience, but if you're both single, why not? If you can keep from getting attached, it'll be great..tide you over till you find someone new.

[macvillage.net]

Originally posted by willed:
That's what I need - a fukbuddy.

Hellz Yea!

Better than rent-a-fuk (which involves cash)

[Cipher13]

Originally posted by Fallout:
I've never had the experience, but if you're both single, why not? If you can keep from getting attached, it'll be great..tide you over till you find someone new.

But if you can't keep from getting attached...

[passmaster16]

Originally posted by Cipher13:
But if you can't keep from getting attached...

Right on. I think in the long run you'll just set your self up for a bigger fall. You have the chance to get out, it's probably best to do so. Obviously "benefits" are great but the additional emotional baggage that goes along with it really isn't worth it. When you associate with people on that level, naturally you're going to be jealous when you see her with other guys. You need to find girl C who you can have a relationship with and those benefits.

[chris v]

I'm old. I know things.

Now = fun.

Soon = somebody gets hurt.

Just about always.

CV

[madsenj37]

Originally posted by macvillage.net:
Hellz Yea!

Better than rent-a-fuk (which involves cash)

Nothing is free.