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Turias · Mar 30, 2004, 03:40 PM

I'm at work, and it's been one of those days...

So, it an attempt to make myself feel even worse, I thought it would be fun to all dwell on our worst experiences in the world of dating. Time to toss out our egos and do some self-inflicting emotional damage.

I'll go first.

Way back in 10th grade, I had a crush on this girl for quite a few months. We never really spoke for more than a minute here or there, but I had a feeling that she liked me, too. She always smiled at me. Always. And I never saw her smile at anyone else the same way. (Yeah, I know. Whatever.)

It took me a long time, but I finally grew some balls. So, one day after classes I approached her (keep in mind that at this point in my life I was incredibly shy and had only asked out one girl, before).

"So, you busy this weekend?"
"Actually, my father just died and his funeral is on Saturday."

...

<"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Are you ok? Yadda yadda yadda. Errr... yeah, gotta run."> <paraphrased>

I never asked her out again. Thinking back on it now, I'm pretty sure she was never interested, anyway. I'm almost postive she was playing me.

Women...

Next!

gorickey · Mar 30, 2004, 03:42 PM

Originally posted by Turias:
"Actually, my father just died and his funeral is on Saturday."

Dude, are you kidding me? That was your in!

I would have easily played along and said something like:

"Cool, what time? I'll be there in in a nice suit. Afterwards, we'll pray and dance the night away"...

Damn.

Turias · Mar 30, 2004, 03:47 PM

Originally posted by gorickey:
Dude, are you kidding me? That was your in!

I would have easily played along and said something like:

"Cool, what time? I'll be there in in a nice suit. Afterwards, we'll pray and dance the night away"...

Damn.

Yeah, maybe if I was a player... But, no, I was shy, young and inexperienced...

Unlike now.

Now, where are your stories, GoRickmeister?

gorickey · Mar 30, 2004, 03:53 PM

Originally posted by Turias:
Now, where are your stories, GoRickmeister?

Damn, that stick...

Let's see. Nothing too exciting really...I remember having a crush and dating a girl in the 6th grade for a few hours but then I accidentally spilt red Kool-Aid on her white shirt and she never looked my way again. In fact, she had her mother call my Mom to get me in trouble because I ruined her favorite shirt. B-I-T-C-H!

Turias · Mar 30, 2004, 03:55 PM

Originally posted by gorickey:
Damn, that stick...

Let's see. Nothing too exciting really...I remember having a crush and dating a girl in the 6th grade for a few hours but then I accidentally spilt red Kool-Aid on her white shirt and she never looked my way again. In fact, she had her mother call my Mom to get me in trouble because I ruined her favorite shirt. B-I-T-C-H!

That may be your best post ever.

gorickey · Mar 30, 2004, 03:56 PM

Originally posted by Turias:
That may be your best post ever.

I've had 6000+ to practice...glad I finally got it right...

Immortal K-Mart Employee · Mar 30, 2004, 04:02 PM

My friend was on such a bad date once he faked an athsma attack when he didn't even have athsma thinking it would be a good excuse to go home to take the meds.

Problem is the bitch whipped out some meds from her purse and he had to then pretend to know how to take it

gorickey · Mar 30, 2004, 04:06 PM

Originally posted by Immortal K-Mart Employee:
Problem is the bitch whipped out some meds from her purse...

It's amazing the stuff they carry around (for years I might add) in that black hole of a thing called a purse...

fireside · Mar 30, 2004, 04:23 PM

Originally posted by gorickey:
It's amazing the stuff they carry around (for years I might add) in that black hole of a thing called a purse...

kinda scary too

forkies · Mar 30, 2004, 04:37 PM

go for guys, they're much easier to relate to and you'd probably share more interests!!

edit: fine, i'll add to the stories. in 6th grade i was "going out with" this girl. she got upset one day and i wrote a note (6th grade) to one of her friends mentioning "it must be her time of the month" and the teacher intercepted. both her friend and i got sent to the principal's office because the teacher thought it constituted sexual harassment!!? wtf? nothing happened to us though. narf

Shaddim · Mar 30, 2004, 04:52 PM

When I was 23 I asked this very cute 38 year-old lady out, and we had a great time... I mean a REALLY great time. Stayed at her house for the whole weekend and neither of us got dressed the entire time. Anyway, so her daughter comes by late Sunday night to visit, and I'm lounging around in the living room in a pair of boxers (nothin' else). To my credit, she did just barge in... didn't even knock.

WHAT WERE THE ODDS?!? Yes, I'd dated her daughter a year earlier, for about a month.

She gave me one look while I was sitting on the couch and asked, "are you dating my mother?!?"

*gulp*

I replied, "I thought she looked familiar".

No, no mother/daughter 3 way... in fact, when her mom found out (just minutes later), she politely asked me to leave and wouldn't speak to me again. I swear I thought I was going to get lynched. It was priceless!

gorickey · Mar 30, 2004, 04:55 PM

Originally posted by MacNStein:
WHAT WERE THE ODDS?!?

Are you from a small town? The odds are good then...however, your story was indeed priceless...

Shaddim · Mar 30, 2004, 05:00 PM

Originally posted by gorickey:
Are you from a small town? The odds are good then...however, your story was indeed priceless...

Not that small... say 100K people. Though, I had been sewing some bad karma at the time. I deserved it.

waxcrash · Mar 30, 2004, 05:21 PM

MacNStein, good MILF story.

ASIMO · Mar 30, 2004, 05:32 PM

Go find the father, and then you have a story.

DeathToWindows · Mar 30, 2004, 05:53 PM

snortinated.

Shaddim · Mar 30, 2004, 05:53 PM

Originally posted by ASIMO:
Go find the father, and then you have a story.

Eewwwwww...

Turias · Mar 30, 2004, 06:07 PM

Originally posted by MacNStein:
WHAT WERE THE ODDS?!?

Didn't I see you guys on Jerry Springer?

Shaddim · Mar 30, 2004, 08:49 PM

Originally posted by Turias:
Didn't I see you guys on Jerry Springer?

If I'd known... it would have been "Springer" material.

TubaMuffins · Mar 30, 2004, 09:01 PM

Originally posted by MacNStein:
When I was 23 I asked this very cute 38 year-old lady out, and we had a great time... I mean a REALLY great time. Stayed at her house for the whole weekend and neither of us got dressed the entire time. Anyway, so her daughter comes by late Sunday night to visit, and I'm lounging around in the living room in a pair of boxers (nothin' else). To my credit, she did just barge in... didn't even knock.

WHAT WERE THE ODDS?!? Yes, I'd dated her daughter a year earlier, for about a month.

She gave me one look while I was sitting on the couch and asked, "are you dating my mother?!?"

*gulp*

I replied, "I thought she looked familiar".

No, no mother/daughter 3 way... in fact, when her mom found out (just minutes later), she politely asked me to leave and wouldn't speak to me again. I swear I thought I was going to get lynched. It was priceless!

"Hello Mrs. Robinson"

Anyway, my story. In high school i was incredibly shy, skinny and the kid that nobody noticed. for 2 months i finally built up the courage to approach one of the hottest girls in our school (also a cheerleader) and ask her out. here's my pizza face lined with braces coming up to her while she's at her locker. I start speaking and freak her out, she didn't even see me coming up (story of my life) and i ask her out. She replies "What did you say?" (I was a known mumbler) so i have to ask her out again and then she says she already has plans. But in the end it's all good cause now in college we're good friends and hang out alot. no more pizza on my face or train tracks in my mouth and i've been working out for a few years. we went out freshmen year of college just to see a movie and i realized that the only attraction i had towards her was strictly physical, but we're still good friends. fortunately that's my worst story.

Beewee · Mar 30, 2004, 09:06 PM

Originally posted by Turias:
We never really spoke for more than a minute here or there, but I had a feeling that she liked me, too. She always smiled at me. Always. And I never saw her smile at anyone else the same way. (Yeah, I know. Whatever.)

I know what you're talking about. There is this girl that goes to my college that is exactly like that. First day I met her she just walked up to me (we are complete strangers) and just introduces herself. She's really hot and always smiles at me, squeezes my hand...blah blah blah, yeah I know it's pathetic. She's from another country and I found out later that the hand squeeze is cultural (I think) after one of her guy friends did it to me too.

I would love to go out with her but we never talk for more than 10 minutes or less and she doesn't speak english "perfectly" (I'm being kind). She's great but when I can't understand what she is saying some of the time and she can't understand what I am saying, what would we talk about?

ASIMO · Mar 30, 2004, 09:26 PM

Originally posted by Beewee:
...I would love to go out with her but we never talk for more than 10 minutes or less and she doesn't speak english "perfectly" (I'm being kind). She's great but when I can't understand what she is saying some of the time and she can't understand what I am saying, what would we talk about?

Why. Would. You. Even. Talk?

Sex is the universal language.

TubaMuffins · Mar 30, 2004, 09:37 PM

Originally posted by ASIMO:
Sex is the universal language.

actually, broken english is the universal language.

Beewee · Mar 30, 2004, 09:45 PM

Originally posted by TubaMuffins:
actually, broken english is the universal language.

and add a thick accent on top of that.

OH-N'omac · Mar 30, 2004, 11:54 PM

I was 16 or 17 and involved with a girl who was a tad unstable, but we usually had a good time together. One night we went out to dinner, dressed up, fancy place for a couple of kids, whatever. Everything seems to be going OK...candlelight, good meal, OK conversation.

So, we get through appetizers and are part way into the main course, and she starts to look at me like I'm some kind on an evil bastard. What? What's the matter?...no answer. Are you OK?...no answer. Tears start to well up in her eyes. She starts crying, then fugging bawling in the middle of the place.

I'm getting dirty looks from the other tables, and I'm still clueless about exactly what the problem is. Dinner's more or less spoiled by now, I don't know what the hell I did, but she's starting to calm down a little...more weeping than anything, but still won't give me any information at all about what's bothering her. Neither one of us are eating.

Finally, I signal for the check and more or less give up on finding out what the problem is. I make one last query about what's bothering her and finally get an answer:

Spoken through sobs and runny nose: "I was only wearing one earring tonight, and you didn't notice".

The loud crying resumes. The dirty looks from other tables turn sympathetic, or amused, or just eyes-to-the-floor embarrassed. Sure enough, she was only wearing one earring. And it's true, I didn't notice. To that point, I maybe looked at her ears once or twice.

I broke up with her not long after.

brapper · Mar 31, 2004, 12:18 AM

this girl i went to lunch with banged her shin on the table leg right when she sat down. that's important for later.

We we're eating at march� and having an incredibly dull talk about something that she did that was boring, when a waiter walked by and she commented "don't you think it's funny that they have to wear that uniform just so they can make money to support themselves?"...i thought i misunderstood, but after asking a couple more times it was clear that she just found people in minimum wage jobs humourous.
I decided i wasn't going to be pleasant for the rest of lunch, and then decided to not talk to her anymore.

Funny thing was, after I had made my feeling for her clear (dislike....) she told all her girl friends that I had kicked her and then she told me off and left me. She had the bruise from hitting her leg on the table to back the story up, so some of them actually believed it until i cleared my name.

Though there are people in the world (men and women) that I'd love to boot, it's never good to be known as the guy who kicks girls.

phazertwo · Mar 31, 2004, 03:00 AM

Well, mine lasted 8 damned months... B_I_T_C_H_ was crazy. after a while she talked me into beliving that her mom beat her. Than i was around when there was a fight, and she went ape **** on her mom, for go sakes witht the things she said, i would have hit her. ALl she had to do was say yes sorry for somthing she did, but no she could not be wrong!!! a fight persued, no hitting, she said she would hit her mom, but it never happened ( i was laughing in the corrner with her sister

) So anyway, the whole realtions ship she cheats on me with one of my friends... (now while i was friends with her sister i never cheated on her) she was always mad at me!!! But in the end...sex was the only reason i was with her... she got mad and said that one time and it took evrything i had not to laugh!! About a week after that she moved to AZ and i went with her for the first week. No fawkin makes PZ very not happy... droped that bitch a few days after i got back to CO, and never freekin looked back!! That was like 6 months ago, and now i have a awsome GF... LIFE IS GOOD!
PZ

CharlesS · Mar 31, 2004, 03:20 AM

edit: deleted.

malvolio · Mar 31, 2004, 03:31 AM

Went on The Blind Date From Hell� some years back. My date turned out to be primo "white trash," and showed up in Spandex and hair curlers. And she brought along her daughter and daughter's best friend.
Mother and daughter were both loud, crude and generally reminded me of Jerry Springer's audience members.
Daughter's friend was a real hotty, though. If she had been a few years older (she was 16), I would have made a try at getting her phone number or something.
I managed to stay polite and feign interest during their mind-numbing conversation. That probably wasn't a great idea, since Mom called me several times over the next few weeks.
Thanks to caller ID, I was "unavailable" whenever she called.

ShortcutToMoncton · Mar 31, 2004, 03:35 AM

Originally posted by MacNStein:
When I was 23 I asked this very cute 38 year-old lady out, and we had a great time... I mean a REALLY great time. Stayed at her house for the whole weekend and neither of us got dressed the entire time. Anyway, so her daughter comes by late Sunday night to visit, and I'm lounging around in the living room in a pair of boxers (nothin' else). To my credit, she did just barge in... didn't even knock.

WHAT WERE THE ODDS?!? Yes, I'd dated her daughter a year earlier, for about a month.

She gave me one look while I was sitting on the couch and asked, "are you dating my mother?!?"

*gulp*

I replied, "I thought she looked familiar".

No, no mother/daughter 3 way... in fact, when her mom found out (just minutes later), she politely asked me to leave and wouldn't speak to me again. I swear I thought I was going to get lynched. It was priceless!

You're my new personal hero. Congratulations.

greg

TubaMuffins · Mar 31, 2004, 03:59 AM

Originally posted by OH-N'omac:
Spoken through sobs and runny nose: "I was only wearing one earring tonight, and you didn't notice".

is it that she lost one of her earings or is this some sort of girl-code?

Spliffdaddy · Mar 31, 2004, 04:25 AM

Originally posted by OH-N'omac:
I was 16 or 17 and involved with a girl who was a tad unstable, but we usually had a good time together. One night we went out to dinner, dressed up, fancy place for a couple of kids, whatever. Everything seems to be going OK...candlelight, good meal, OK conversation.

So, we get through appetizers and are part way into the main course, and she starts to look at me like I'm some kind on an evil bastard. What? What's the matter?...no answer. Are you OK?...no answer. Tears start to well up in her eyes. She starts crying, then fugging bawling in the middle of the place.

I'm getting dirty looks from the other tables, and I'm still clueless about exactly what the problem is. Dinner's more or less spoiled by now, I don't know what the hell I did, but she's starting to calm down a little...more weeping than anything, but still won't give me any information at all about what's bothering her. Neither one of us are eating.

Finally, I signal for the check and more or less give up on finding out what the problem is. I make one last query about what's bothering her and finally get an answer:

Spoken through sobs and runny nose: "I was only wearing one earring tonight, and you didn't notice".

The loud crying resumes. The dirty looks from other tables turn sympathetic, or amused, or just eyes-to-the-floor embarrassed. Sure enough, she was only wearing one earring. And it's true, I didn't notice. To that point, I maybe looked at her ears once or twice.

I broke up with her not long after.

then I married her.

wataru · Mar 31, 2004, 04:27 AM

Originally posted by TubaMuffins:
is it that she lost one of her earings or is this some sort of girl-code?

ENITLAVO EROM KNIRD

AppleCello · Mar 31, 2004, 04:51 AM

Its funny how many of the storied from the mac/computer/technologically inclined start off with "I was the shrimpy/qiuet/shy guy in high school."

Im right there with ya, tho i wasnt shrimpy.

My worst ever would have to be... well I dont have any horror stories yet. Once, a girl called me and asked me out then stood me up. She called me later (i sure as hell wasnt calling her back) and asked me out again. I waiting for about 10 minutes then split and joined my friends. I still think its funny that she would go to the trouble to set something up and then not show.

Another funny one was when I was out with a girl for the second time and I found out that she was, in fact, not 20 but a mature 16! wow that one had me freaked out!

Patrick

andi*pandi · Mar 31, 2004, 12:00 PM

It started in a bar called the Kells, due to yagermeister.

The date the next week was the most painful sobering experience ever. The guy who was charming and funny while drunk, was BORING to see a movie with. Plus, a jackass.

dcmacdaddy · Mar 31, 2004, 12:31 PM

I've been on a few bad-chemistry dates--where either I was fixed up with someone or asked out someone based solely on looks--where the other person is so mind-numbingly boring you want to run screaming from the room.

I've woken up next to more than a few random women I met at parties--some were good looking, some were not--but my best, AND worst, experience involves a hot tub party and my boss's sister and friend. I'm making out with the one while finger-banging the other and they were both so drunk they apparently didn't know the other was there. Until the friend starts moaning and the woman I'm making out with realizes what I am doing and starts yelling at me. The other one gets pissed as well and they both stomp off leaving me to pass out on the living room floor.

Good Times!

TubaMuffins · Mar 31, 2004, 12:37 PM

Originally posted by wataru:
ENITLAVO EROM KNIRD

that doesn't answer my question aaron

killer_735 · Mar 31, 2004, 12:38 PM

Originally posted by malvolio:
Went on The Blind Date From Hell� some years back. My date turned out to be primo "white trash," and showed up in Spandex and hair curlers. And she brought along her daughter and daughter's best friend.
Mother and daughter were both loud, crude and generally reminded me of Jerry Springer's audience members.
Daughter's friend was a real hotty, though. If she had been a few years older (she was 16), I would have made a try at getting her phone number or something.
I managed to stay polite and feign interest during their mind-numbing conversation. That probably wasn't a great idea, since Mom called me several times over the next few weeks.
Thanks to caller ID, I was "unavailable" whenever she called.

Welcome to upstate New York.

wdlove · Mar 31, 2004, 01:04 PM

Originally posted by Turias:
I'm at work, and it's been one of those days...

So, it an attempt to make myself feel even worse, I thought it would be fun to all dwell on our worst experiences in the world of dating. Time to toss out our egos and do some self-inflicting emotional damage.

I'll go first.

Way back in 10th grade, I had a crush on this girl for quite a few months. We never really spoke for more than a minute here or there, but I had a feeling that she liked me, too. She always smiled at me. Always. And I never saw her smile at anyone else the same way. (Yeah, I know. Whatever.)

It took me a long time, but I finally grew some balls. So, one day after classes I approached her (keep in mind that at this point in my life I was incredibly shy and had only asked out one girl, before).

"So, you busy this weekend?"
"Actually, my father just died and his funeral is on Saturday."

...

<"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Are you ok? Yadda yadda yadda. Errr... yeah, gotta run."> <paraphrased>

I never asked her out again. Thinking back on it now, I'm pretty sure she was never interested, anyway. I'm almost positive she was playing me.

Women...

Next!

I don't really think that someone would lie about something so serious as a death in the family. She was just being honest. You should have ask her out at a later time.

I'm sure about that, my Mom just died yesterday morning!

Turias · Mar 31, 2004, 01:15 PM

Originally posted by wdlove:
I don't really think that someone would lie about something so serious as a death in the family. She was just being honest. You should have ask her out at a later time.

I'm sure about that, my Mom just died yesterday morning!

She didn't lie about her father. I just think she was playing me with her provocative smiles from the months before.

I'm sorry about your mother.

voyageur · Mar 31, 2004, 01:20 PM

I'm sorry about your Mom, wdlove.

MacNStein...that is truly an incredible story

Only one word came to mind....Plastics!

wolfen · Mar 31, 2004, 01:27 PM

This was a dating experience that never was: Nevertheless, it stands as my all-time most embarrassing, most life-changing event ever.

It's 6th grade. I'm very shy with girls, but otherwise fairly popular. I finally muster up the courage...I draft a letter to my future sweetheart and come into school REALLY early one morning. Normally all the chairs are on the desks before class starts, so I take the letter and put it under her upside-down chair on the desk.

Clever, huh? She'll come in, take down the chair, see the note, and BAM! I've found my mate for life.

So the class starts filling in and she's a no show. Finally, hers is the last chair on a desk and the teacher asks someone to take it down since clearly the love of my life is not coming in today. But he didn't ask just anyone...no. He asks the loudest, tactless, most obnoxious girl in the school. Yeah. Like that.

She opens it up, declares it a love letter, and the name of its author right before a particularly bone-chilling cackle. "Can I please go home and kill myself, now?" That's what I wanted to say. But I was too paralyzed with horror and was concentrating on not wetting myself.

Teacher and I had a very close bond. So close that he insisted months before I should sit with my desk right in front of his own. This teacher insists on having the letter. Does he just dispose of it? Hide it away in the blackhole of his desk drawer? Of course not. He opens it and begins to read it quietly to himself...about 4 feet from my face...pausing occasionally to look up at me. Yeah, like that.

Of course, 30 minutes later the target of my affections enters the room to a room full of cheering, jeering, and harassment.

This was the moment I curled up into the fetal position and hid from my peers for the remainder of my school age years. From that moment I determined that I was not cool, and would live the life of a loveless hermit. I never spoke to this girl again, I was so horrified and embarrassed. I didn't really date anyone again until college.

Strangely enough, that dark cloud was lifted the night of my worst dating experience ever, some 7 years later. But that's another story.

wolfen
(former loner / current social revolutionary)

MacsGalor · Mar 31, 2004, 01:35 PM

Iv'e had a few but this one comes to mind. I was out bowling with a friend and a couple chicks started using the lane right nextt to us, there was one who looked very good so I started talking to her and eventually I asked her out. We went to dinner and movie and then back to my place everything was going good we started making out and soon the clothes were all gone. I started fingering her and then moved in for the kill but I couold not get it in the crap was so tight, this leads me to ask a few questions and it turned out then she was a 16 year old virgin

(I was 19 at the time and she had originally lied about her age) That was an instant put my clothes back on. About 5 minutes later her mom called wanting to know what was going on. She moved and I never talked to her after that.

awaspaas · Mar 31, 2004, 01:48 PM

3 years ago or so, I went out with a girl I had met online - she had a nice enough picture. Yeah, turns out the picture was quite old and was taken *before* she put on about 200 pounds... at LEAST! Really didn't even look like the same person! Needless to say that was an uncomfortable evening, but I was courteous.

Immortal K-Mart Employee · Mar 31, 2004, 02:02 PM

Last october I went out with a guy who said he was 19. Just before we got it on I ask to see his drivers license just to make sure as he looked rather young. He was like... are you serious? I was like YUP! Luckily he wasn't lying.

Spheric Harlot · Mar 31, 2004, 02:14 PM

Originally posted by OH-N'omac:
Spoken through sobs and runny nose: "I was only wearing one earring tonight, and you didn't notice".

I don't get it. (Or was that the point?)

Powaqqatsi · Mar 31, 2004, 02:18 PM

Originally posted by TubaMuffins:
that doesn't answer my question aaron

Spheric Harlot · Mar 31, 2004, 02:24 PM

ObiWan Flanders · Mar 31, 2004, 03:35 PM

[Banya] Why is it called Ovaltine? The container is round, the mug is round, it should be called Roundtine! Gold, pure gold! [/Banya]

OH-N'omac · Mar 31, 2004, 05:21 PM

RE: People who asked about the earring thing.

The whole event was engineered by her to see if I was being attentive enough. She left the house wearing only one earring, waiting for me to notice so she would feel like I was being the properly attentive person that she wanted me to be. Thing is, I didn't notice. I'm not into ears enough to spend a lot of time examining them on a date.

The whole waterworks scene was caused by her emotional immaturity and my lack of attention to details such as how many earrings my date was wearing. I'm sure there was something that made this seem like a Good Thing To Do to her, but I didn't stick around long enough to find out why.

RE: Spliffdaddy

Better you than me. How long did it last?