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Taking wife’s last name (Page 2)
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rambo47
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Jun 29, 2005, 07:04 PM
 
Personally, I'd retake my birth father's last name. I'm a hopeless traditionalist when it comes to stuff like that. But the bottom line is the hell with what anyone else thinks. Do what works best for you!
     
insha
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Jun 29, 2005, 07:44 PM
 
Originally Posted by rambo47
Personally, I'd retake my birth father's last name. I'm a hopeless traditionalist when it comes to stuff like that. But the bottom line is the hell with what anyone else thinks. Do what works best for you!
I agree with rambo47. Do what you think is best.
     
HackManDan  (op)
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Jun 29, 2005, 10:02 PM
 
After reading what's been said here and talking it over with some people, I think I might retake my true family name. Of course, its going to be a little odd for me, since while I'm latino, I've grown up with a dutch last name and having a more "ethnic" last name will take some getting used to.

-HMD
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sanity assassin
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Jun 30, 2005, 06:14 AM
 
Originally Posted by KevinK
We've been breathing for thousands of years.

Lets stop, it's the 21st century man

Breathing is so old school.
The woman taking the man's last name is not the norm in many parts of the world, so let's not pretend it's a universally ancient way of doing things.

Arab women retain their family their name when they marry, likewise, women in India and Pakistan. I can rattle off a number of other parts of the world who have similar customs.
( Last edited by sanity assassin; Jun 30, 2005 at 06:54 AM. )
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Railroader
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Jun 30, 2005, 10:51 AM
 
Isn't that done basically out of disrespect towards women though? It ensures that they won't inherit their husbands wealth, his sons will?
     
Shaddim
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Jun 30, 2005, 11:22 AM
 
Originally Posted by Railroader
Isn't that done basically out of disrespect towards women though? It ensures that they won't inherit their husbands wealth, his sons will?
You sir, are correct.
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
     
turtle777
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Jun 30, 2005, 11:28 AM
 
Originally Posted by Railroader
Isn't that done basically out of disrespect towards women though? It ensures that they won't inherit their husbands wealth, his sons will?
Isn't it weird how things work out.

Here in the US (or Western countries in general), it's considered disrespectful to force a "free minded librul woman" to give up her maiden name and take the husbands name, where as in those countries, exactly the OPPOSITE takes place. Weird...

-t
     
sanity assassin
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Jun 30, 2005, 01:32 PM
 
Originally Posted by Railroader
Isn't that done basically out of disrespect towards women though? It ensures that they won't inherit their husbands wealth, his sons will?

Not really, it's done out of respect of the woman's family - quite the opposite. In some countries abuses of it can occur, but it's not universal, and certainly has little to do with the woman retaining her family name.

Edit: Just to add to this. In many Muslim countries, the woman has the same rights as the man. There's some cultural practises which include dowries and such like, but the result of those usually leads to protecting the woman, and man, if the marriage screws up.

In regards to your question on inheritance. It varies amongst countries, but it;s not the case that the mother is left broke.
( Last edited by sanity assassin; Jun 30, 2005 at 01:49 PM. )
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sanity assassin
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Jun 30, 2005, 01:34 PM
 
Originally Posted by MacNStein
You sir, are correct.
No, he's not really.
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RAILhead
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Jun 30, 2005, 01:39 PM
 
I say go back to your family name, man. What about preserving your own family heritage via the name? As someone already said, if she would like to preserve her family's, go the hyphenated route.

Maury
"Everything's so clear to me now: I'm the keeper of the cheese and you're the lemon merchant. Get it? And he knows it.
That's why he's gonna kill us. So we got to beat it. Yeah. Before he let's loose the marmosets on us."
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BRussell
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Jun 30, 2005, 01:43 PM
 
Originally Posted by RAILhead
I say go back to your family name, man. What about preserving your own family heritage via the name? As someone already said, if she would like to preserve her family's, go the hyphenated route.

Maury
But then how do you name the kids?

A colleague of mine had this idea (maybe she read it somewhere else) :

Hyphenate when you get married, and then your male kids take the father's last name and female kids take the mother's last name. Seems fair to me.
     
sanity assassin
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Jun 30, 2005, 01:48 PM
 
Originally Posted by BRussell
But then how do you name the kids?

A colleague of mine had this idea (maybe she read it somewhere else) :

Hyphenate when you get married, and then your male kids take the father's last name and female kids take the mother's last name. Seems fair to me.
That happens in several Muslim communities, especially in parts of Yemen.
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RAILhead
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Jun 30, 2005, 01:56 PM
 
Originally Posted by BRussell
But then how do you name the kids?

A colleague of mine had this idea (maybe she read it somewhere else) :

Hyphenate when you get married, and then your male kids take the father's last name and female kids take the mother's last name. Seems fair to me.
Hm. I don't really like that idea, because I'd want my daughter to carry my name as long as possible.

Hm...

I guess I'd have to go back and say that my initial opinion would be that the woman takes the man's name and that's the end of it. If the family's worried about no longer carrying on the name, they should have had more kids.

MAury
"Everything's so clear to me now: I'm the keeper of the cheese and you're the lemon merchant. Get it? And he knows it.
That's why he's gonna kill us. So we got to beat it. Yeah. Before he let's loose the marmosets on us."
my bandmy web sitemy guitar effectsmy photosfacebookbrightpoint
     
turtle777
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Jun 30, 2005, 02:00 PM
 
Originally Posted by RAILhead
I guess I'd have to go back and say that my initial opinion would be that the woman takes the man's name and that's the end of it. If the family's worried about no longer carrying on the name, they should have had more kids.
Hehe, I know one family that got 4 girls, and finally, a boy. Just gotta try long enough...

-t
     
RAILhead
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Jun 30, 2005, 02:03 PM
 
Dadgummit, I keep holding the freakin shift key down too long and typing MAury instead of Maury.

Maybe I should go home and do yard work....

Maury
"Everything's so clear to me now: I'm the keeper of the cheese and you're the lemon merchant. Get it? And he knows it.
That's why he's gonna kill us. So we got to beat it. Yeah. Before he let's loose the marmosets on us."
my bandmy web sitemy guitar effectsmy photosfacebookbrightpoint
     
Sealobo
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Jun 30, 2005, 02:10 PM
 
Originally Posted by nredman
whoever is usually on top, use that name
whoever is usualy from behind, append the surname.
     
turtle777
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Jun 30, 2005, 02:17 PM
 
Originally Posted by RAILhead
Maybe I should go home and do yard work....
YArdwork, you mean ?

-t
     
RAILhead
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Jun 30, 2005, 02:30 PM
 
Originally Posted by turtle777
YArdwork, you mean ?

-t
No, yard work.

Problem?

Maury
"Everything's so clear to me now: I'm the keeper of the cheese and you're the lemon merchant. Get it? And he knows it.
That's why he's gonna kill us. So we got to beat it. Yeah. Before he let's loose the marmosets on us."
my bandmy web sitemy guitar effectsmy photosfacebookbrightpoint
     
Superman
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Jun 30, 2005, 02:44 PM
 
Id change your last name to whatever the grandfather's was to pick up in your family tradition. I think your kids would get teased if their friends knew you took your wife's name. I know Id tease them.
     
turtle777
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Jun 30, 2005, 02:49 PM
 
Originally Posted by RAILhead
No, yard work. Problem?
Can we settle for YArd work ?

-t
     
RAILhead
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Jun 30, 2005, 02:55 PM
 
Originally Posted by turtle777
Can we settle for YArd work ?

-t
YArd WOrk, maybe...



Maury
"Everything's so clear to me now: I'm the keeper of the cheese and you're the lemon merchant. Get it? And he knows it.
That's why he's gonna kill us. So we got to beat it. Yeah. Before he let's loose the marmosets on us."
my bandmy web sitemy guitar effectsmy photosfacebookbrightpoint
     
sanity assassin
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Jun 30, 2005, 02:59 PM
 
If choosing the last name is difficult. Trying to get a first name for a girl is bloody hell. My ex and I spent a lifetime trying to agree on one. In the end we settled on, Eilidh.
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Superman
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Jun 30, 2005, 03:09 PM
 
Originally Posted by sanity assassin
If choosing the last name is difficult. Trying to get a first name for a girl is bloody hell. My ex and I spent a lifetime trying to agree on one. In the end we settled on, Eilidh.
Sorry to hear that.
     
RAILhead
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Jun 30, 2005, 03:09 PM
 
I've always thought Syrup would be a good name, but my wife doesn't think so.
"Everything's so clear to me now: I'm the keeper of the cheese and you're the lemon merchant. Get it? And he knows it.
That's why he's gonna kill us. So we got to beat it. Yeah. Before he let's loose the marmosets on us."
my bandmy web sitemy guitar effectsmy photosfacebookbrightpoint
     
turtle777
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Jun 30, 2005, 03:17 PM
 
Originally Posted by RAILhead
I've always thought Syrup would be a good name, but my wife doesn't think so.


Syrup is GREAT ! But only for pancakes.

-t
     
Superman
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Jun 30, 2005, 03:20 PM
 
I wanted to name my sone Alex Steven... That way his intials would be A.S.S... But my wife caught on after awhile.
     
turtle777
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Jun 30, 2005, 03:32 PM
 
Originally Posted by Superman
I wanted to name my sone Alex Steven... That way his intials would be A.S.S... But my wife caught on after awhile.
So your last name is really Superman

-t
     
budster101
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Jun 30, 2005, 03:33 PM
 
Doh!
     
Superman
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Jun 30, 2005, 03:56 PM
 
Originally Posted by turtle777
So your last name is really Superman

-t
You of all people should know my last name. Youve been leeching images from my website.
     
sanity assassin
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Jun 30, 2005, 04:00 PM
 
Originally Posted by Superman
Sorry to hear that.
That's what her mum thought when I suggested it.

Nah, it's a beautiful Gaelic name,
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BRussell
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Jun 30, 2005, 06:14 PM
 
Originally Posted by RAILhead
Hm. I don't really like that idea, because I'd want my daughter to carry my name as long as possible.
Sure, but wives might want their daughters (and sons, for that matter) to carry on their family name, too. I kinda like it just because it's fair in that it doesn't favor males to carry on the family name.

Not that I'm doing it in my family or anything, but in theory it's not bad.
     
sanity assassin
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Jun 30, 2005, 06:19 PM
 
Have a clan name, and you're sorted
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Zimphire
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Jun 30, 2005, 06:54 PM
 
Originally Posted by sanity assassin
The woman taking the man's last name is not the norm in many parts of the world, so let's not pretend it's a universally ancient way of doing things.

Arab women retain their family their name when they marry, likewise, women in India and Pakistan. I can rattle off a number of other parts of the world who have similar customs.
My point was, just because a practice is an old one, doesn't suddenly make it bad, or wrong.

The "Oh man that is so outdated" comments are irrelevant.
     
Zimphire
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Jun 30, 2005, 07:01 PM
 
Originally Posted by Superman
You of all people should know my last name. Youve been leeching images from my website.
     
turtle777
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Jun 30, 2005, 07:56 PM
 
Originally Posted by Superman
You of all people should know my last name. Youve been leeching images from my website.
Do I have to explain the use of and ?
Hope not...

-t
     
strictlyplaid
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Jun 30, 2005, 09:02 PM
 
When I got married, my wife and I kept our own names (after exploring multiple options, all of which prompted extreme complaining from all sides by our elders, particularly my father. Neither one of us really cared that much.) So far, we've been pretty happy with it...it's a pretty trivial matter, right? The only (very occasional) problem comes when people sometimes assume we're not married because we don't have the same name. (Whatever.)

The real issue is: ok, we've kept our own names. Which name do the kids (should we have them) get? Honestly, I don't really care either way, and I don't think my wife does either. But "society" will assume that the male is not related to his children if he doesn't share their name, which is not something I'm looking forward to dealing with. On top of that, my dad is so into claiming any and all children I might have for his own clan that I'm convinced he'll try and brand his name into their forehead should we decide they should keep my wife's last name.

So in conclusion, naming conventions suck no matter how you slice it.
     
 
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