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Adoption question!
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Monique
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Jul 28, 2008, 12:57 PM
 
Why is adoption a better choice?

For whom?

Certainly not for the birth mother who will seperated from her child forever.

Why can't we adoptee have the right to know where we come from, our health background?

We as adoptee are not a part of the adoptive family, they are never our real parents, we have nothing in common with them, except for the fact that we live in the same house. Living with someone does not make you a part of that family.

Also, many children like aboriginal children were ripped away from their communities and lived in a strange world which situation had disastreous consequences.

As an adoptee I want to know my birth parents, my health background, and my roots. Why can't I have theses rights?

The only crime I commited was to be born from a young single mom.
     
RAILhead
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Jul 28, 2008, 01:00 PM
 
Heh.

I'll take a child that gets to live with a family that loves said child over a mother that has said child aborted.

Rights? Pick up the phone and do the research. No one hides this stuff -- adoption is public record.

Not part of the family? Families are far more than blood relations -- it's a shame you don't know that.
"Everything's so clear to me now: I'm the keeper of the cheese and you're the lemon merchant. Get it? And he knows it.
That's why he's gonna kill us. So we got to beat it. Yeah. Before he let's loose the marmosets on us."
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nonhuman
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Jul 28, 2008, 01:19 PM
 
I don't get it. Are you saying you would have been better off if your mother had gotten an abortion?
     
subego
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Jul 28, 2008, 01:22 PM
 
Originally Posted by Monique View Post
We as adoptee are not a part of the adoptive family, they are never our real parents, we have nothing in common with them, except for the fact that we live in the same house. Living with someone does not make you a part of that family.

Insanity.
     
DBursey
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Jul 28, 2008, 02:38 PM
 
My birth mother's choice of adoption certainly worked out well for me, as I was granted my life in the process (for which I'm very grateful). It was better for my mother, who got the chance to meet me 40 years after the fact.

Adoptees do have the right to information about their birth parents, at least in many provinces. I applied to the gov't of Newfoundland for info on my birth mother in 2004. From the information I received I tracked her down, and in 2005 I met her, my brother and sister. I've since met my father and some other siblings and their families. It's been great.

I'm sorry to hear that yours is regarded as such a bitter story. I was very much a part of my adopted family.
     
Monique  (op)
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Jul 28, 2008, 03:09 PM
 
Originally Posted by nonhuman View Post
I don't get it. Are you saying you would have been better off if your mother had gotten an abortion?
I do not really care about myself. At least, she would have been sad for the rest of her life.

I think she is more important than I am or my adoptive parents. My adoptive parents would have found someone else.
     
Monique  (op)
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Jul 28, 2008, 03:09 PM
 
Originally Posted by subego View Post
Insanity.
What do I have in common with my adotive family?
     
Monique  (op)
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Jul 28, 2008, 03:11 PM
 
Originally Posted by DBursey View Post
My birth mother's choice of adoption certainly worked out well for me, as I was granted my life in the process (for which I'm very grateful). It was better for my mother, who got the chance to meet me 40 years after the fact.

Adoptees do have the right to information about their birth parents, at least in many provinces. I applied to the gov't of Newfoundland for info on my birth mother in 2004. From the information I received I tracked her down, and in 2005 I met her, my brother and sister. I've since met my father and some other siblings and their families. It's been great.

I'm sorry to hear that yours is regarded as such a bitter story. I was very much a part of my adopted family.
I was not, thank God.

Thank you for the tip.
     
nonhuman
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Jul 28, 2008, 03:20 PM
 
Originally Posted by Monique View Post
I do not really care about myself. At least, she would have been sad for the rest of her life.

I think she is more important than I am or my adoptive parents. My adoptive parents would have found someone else.
You're kind of contradicting yourself here. Do you think your mother would have been better off getting an abortion? Or do you want her to have suffered for the choice to get an abortion?

She, presumably, made the choice that she thought was best for both herself and for you. Was she wrong? Maybe. Maybe not.
     
torsoboy
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Jul 28, 2008, 03:52 PM
 
I always wondered why Monique was so hateful towards everyone and everything, but this gives a little glimpse into the reasons. I feel sorry for people like this that were never treated like family, and that never felt part of one. Luckily many adopted children don't have the same experience.

A family isn't about the "blood" of the people in it... I have so many non-blood related relatives it is crazy. But we all feel part of the family, and we enjoy the mix of everyone's different backgrounds.

Who benefits? The birth mother (knowing her child will grow up in a family that can provide for her child), the child (it wasn't killed), the adoptive parents (they have the opportunity to have a child where they may not have been able to on their own), society (no tax dollars used for the abortion, and no one thinking it is okay to kill children).
     
MacosNerd
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Jul 28, 2008, 03:53 PM
 
Originally Posted by Monique View Post
Why is adoption a better choice?
better to give the child up if the mother is unwilling to love or provide for the child. There are woman who find themselves pregnant and choose this rather difficult decision rather then trying raise a child they don't want or killing it, via abortion.

For whom?
Possibly both but generally it seems the decision is for the betterment of the baby.

Certainly not for the birth mother who will seperated from her child forever.
Generally yes, I cannot image a parent willingly giving up their baby but it does happen and I think its a huge sacrifice if they know that they don't want it and/or will not love the baby.

Why can't we adoptee have the right to know where we come from, our health background?
Perhaps because the decision is hard and painful the birth parents do not want to face that decision 20 years down the road.

We as adoptee are not a part of the adoptive family, they are never our real parents, we have nothing in common with them, except for the fact that we live in the same house. Living with someone does not make you a part of that family.
True, but love is what makes the difference between someone just living there and someone know is now part of the family. I have friends who have adopted and that child is loved just as much as their other children and just as much a part of the family and they know that fact as well.

Also, many children like aboriginal children were ripped away from their communities and lived in a strange world which situation had disastreous consequences.
Without a doubt those types actions were horrendous but that's a different situation People give up their babies for reasons. This is someone taking your baby, totally different.

As an adoptee I want to know my birth parents, my health background, and my roots. Why can't I have theses rights?
You're right and that has proved to be an issue among a number of adopted children as they grow up.

The only crime I commited was to be born from a young single mom.
You committed no crime, nor did your mother but for what ever reason she felt you'd be better off with another family - I suspect.I cannot truly fathom the decision or the thought process to be honest.
     
subego
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Jul 28, 2008, 03:58 PM
 
Originally Posted by Monique View Post
What do I have in common with my adotive family?

Irrelevant. You didn't say I you said we. You presume to speak for all adopted children.
     
BRussell
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Jul 28, 2008, 07:44 PM
 
Originally Posted by DBursey View Post
Adoptees do have the right to information about their birth parents, at least in many provinces. I applied to the gov't of Newfoundland for info on my birth mother in 2004. From the information I received I tracked her down, and in 2005 I met her, my brother and sister. I've since met my father and some other siblings and their families. It's been great.
Interesting. I was adopted, and as far as I know most states in the US require the birth mother to opt-in to allow herself to be found.

But it's been a while since I've looked into it, and I've never really had that much interest in searching. My family is my family, and I've always believed that finding out more information might bring with it as much negative as positive. But it sounds like you had a good experience, and other people I know have too.
     
Captain Obvious
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Jul 28, 2008, 08:57 PM
 
I've always been against the idea of adopted children and especially children that are the result of sperm/egg donations to have direct access to their biological parents information.

The ramifications of open access could lead to more children being abandoned, unwanted abortions, less individuals willing to adopt, and a drop if available donors all because of the loss of anonymity. Health records and family medical histories can and should be collected at the point of the child's birth/conception but in the absence of the information there should be no way for the child to gain direct information of the biological parent's identity.

The only allowable solution would be for an intermediary institution to act as a go between the parties so that they do not have direct contact with the other. Biological parents, adoptive parents through the child's 18th birthday, and the children should have the ability to opt in or out of opening up their information to that intermediary institution should the other party want to contact them but under no circumstances should one side be able to obtain the information of the other without their expressed permission.

There should be nothing resembling a right to those sort of details much less making it public information.

Originally Posted by Monique View Post
The only crime I commited was to be born from a young single mom.
Kill yourself and spare us the drama of having to listen to your issues.

Barack Obama: Four more years of the Carter Presidency
     
sek929
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Jul 28, 2008, 09:30 PM
 
Just when we thought you couldn't get any classier Captn, you go and surprise us all.

<clap> <clap>
     
DBursey
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Jul 28, 2008, 09:35 PM
 
Originally Posted by BRussell View Post
Interesting. I was adopted, and as far as I know most states in the US require the birth mother to opt-in to allow herself to be found.

But it's been a while since I've looked into it, and I've never really had that much interest in searching. My family is my family, and I've always believed that finding out more information might bring with it as much negative as positive. But it sounds like you had a good experience, and other people I know have too.
In NL both parties have the option of blocking access to the adoption records.
     
Helmling
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Jul 28, 2008, 10:27 PM
 
Originally Posted by Monique View Post
We as adoptee are not a part of the adoptive family, they are never our real parents, we have nothing in common with them, except for the fact that we live in the same house. Living with someone does not make you a part of that family.
I'm sure someone's said this already, but I've got to add my two bits. Though not an adoptee, I've known my share and I'm pretty sure you don't speak for them. It's a horrible shame if your adoptive family was dysfunctional, but that certainly doesn't reflect on adoption as a whole. Shame on you.
     
macforray
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Jul 28, 2008, 10:52 PM
 
Monique, I'm absolutely speechless. I am so very sorry for you that you feel this way. My wife and were only able to have one child, so we became foster parents and adopted six of our children.

They are our children regardless of whose womb they came from. What we have in common is the one and only thing required........LOVE. We love our children with our heart and soul. Yes, there have been and are issues. Every family has them, even those that contain only birth children.

Our children do know who their birth mother is, but no one is sure of any of the fathers. By choice, we still keep in touch with one birth mom and her sister, who is their "aunt" and is called that. This mom had seven children before the age of 30 and has none of them now. We have four of the seven. She knows and admits that she could never take care of them due to her "problems". There is no doubt that she loves all of her children and at least our four know it. LOVE defines the family, even non traditional ones.

Again Monique, I hope that you can somehow reconcile your current feelings, heal and move on.
macforray
     
zombie punk
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Aug 26, 2008, 09:36 PM
 
well said forray
     
   
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