[zizban]

I need some advice: Here's the story: a couple of months ago my aunt gave me a set of silver that has been passed down in the family. She took it from my sister, who has a habit of not taking care of anything. It turns out this silver belonged to my grandparents and upon my grandmother's death, my grandfather gave it to my sister. My aunt is my grand parent's other daughter. Apparently my aunt was promised the silver when she was a teenager and probably feels jilted.

On top of this my sister borrowed $800 several years ago and has never repaid it. I am tempted to keep the silver as payback or as a kind of ransom until I get the money back but I don't know if the silver in fact rightfully fell into my hands to begin with.

Advice?

[Atomic Rooster]

The silver was given to you. Now it's you turn to past it on to your heirs when you leave the planet.

As for your sister...shoot her.

[starman]

Pfft. I was promised a f------g '62 Vette when I graduated from college. My dad sold it.

[budster101]

Your Grandfather gave it to your sister.
Your Aunt took it upon herself to take it from your sister because she didn't take care of it, but really she did it because she felt jilted.
Why give it to you then? As a tool to use to blackmail your sister to pay you back? When she does pay you, are you going to give it to your sister or the "Jilted" Aunt.

I think you are not telling the whole story so I'm reserving my opinion and recommendation.

If your sister won't pay you back, you take her to small claims court and get $500.00 if you want to get petty about it. Don't you love your sister? Why let money come between you? Arrange something she can handle, like payments... very very small payments over 10 years, and then start loving your sister again.

As for the silver... Don't let that be another thing to seperate you two. It's stupid. It's just silver!

[zizban]

She gave it to me because she thought I was a better care taker for it. I have no plans to give it to my aunt, since a) we don't talk much b) It isn't hers. And I do love my sister, that's why I haven't sued her, I gently remind her now and then when I see her online.

[RAILhead]

Give it to me, an uninterested thrid party, so that you no longer have to deal with this burden.

Maury

[budster101]

Personal Story:

I bought my sister's house. She took the door knobs, the front door, all the window coverings, and the sink fixtures... They were all custom, so I didn't have too much of a big deal with it, but my wife then did... I'm a bygons type of person. She once gave us a love seat and a brass bed. She took back the love seat, which my wife loved, but I convinced her, a gift that is wished back is not worth keeping, so I gave it back, but refused to give back the custom made brass bed. We also inherited her custom chandelier, but not because she gave it, but she didn't want it... I cherish both items, and think of them as abandoned... if you know what I mean.

All of our belongings, furniture etc. is over 20 years old, easily... and in pristine condition. I thank God that we are so lucky to have quality things that were all inherited from my folks.

Now then.

The silver should go back to your sister, or you should forgive the debt from her.
Immediately. I know this is a hard thing to consider, but your relationship is far more important than some trinkets.

Glad to hear there is no nonsense going on with the "jilted Aunt".

Don't e-mail this, call your sister and be up front about everything.
Hope this helps. Some people are not capable of handling these things on the phone or in person, so be patient with her. You may not get the desired result immediately, but people seem to respond in time.

You are jus lucky this wasn't a 62' vette!

[Zenbone]

I'd keep the silver.

[ort888]

Silver + pawn shop = crack party!

[Mastrap]

I guess if you need to ask, you already know.

[Shaddim]

Forgive the debt and give her the silver, tell her to take better care of it. Don't let piddly sh*t like this get between you.

Case solved.

[iMOTOR]

Originally Posted by zizban

now and then when I see her online.

So your sister can be seen online??!

How much does it cost??

[budster101]

I'm still uncertain as to why your sister would give your Aunt the silverware.
Did she know your Aunt was giving it to you?
Did your Aunt obtain it under false prentence to give to you?
Does your sister know you have it?
How does she feel about it?

I'm changing my advice a little here:

Give the silverware back to your sister. It was not given to you, and your Aunt has no right to redecide who it should belong to. Your sister owes you $800.00 SO WHAT. This is not material where the silver is concerned.

Finally,

Fogive the Debt as suggested before.
$800 over a lifetime is just not worth it.

I've forgiven more from strangers. It's life. Move forward, and don't dwell on this anymore.

PO.

[Millennium]

The situation with the silverware depends on how your aunt got it from your sister. Did your sister give, sell, or otherwise voluntarily transfer the silver to your aunt? If so, then I see no problem in keeping it; it's still being kept in the family, and the changes of hands were all voluntary. However, it may be that your aunt browbeat, bullied, or otherwise coerced your sister into giving her the silver, and in that case you should probably give it back to your sister. In any case, let your sister know that you have the silver; even if all these exchanges were amicable she should know where it is and that it's still in family hands.

Whether or not to forgive the debt is a thornier issue, but whatever you decide, don't try holding the silver as some kind of hostage. Certainly there's nothing wrong with expecting to be paid back, but holding one's own family to things like interest or collateral is just plain wrong. Leave that stuff to the banks.

[zizban]

Aunt took it without my sister knowing. It was theft cloaked in "do good" clothing. It seems my sister gets the silver back. I just want to do right, you know?

[budster101]

Your Aunt has placed you in a precarious position now... and that is not cool.
So, your sister know it's gone and your Aunt took it?

If so, guess what? You can't trust your Aunt. Not to take that back to your sister. Furthermore, I see your Aunt as a "jilted" and mean-spirited medalling fool.

Now, you have to take responsibility and take the silver (polished) back to your sister. Apologize for what happened if you can... Keeping it for any length of time was just not right.

--

Along the lines of the debt. If you can afford to forgive it. Do so, and let her know it's nothing, don't sweat it. If you cannot afford to, then let her know this, and ask that she do what she can to repay it in some amount of time. $200 up front, then pay down $600 over a year as she can. My God all she has to do is not buy coffee out for a year at Starbucks... and that is probably $900 right there.

Whatever the case, work it out like adults, and reinforce your love for your sister every chance you get. Give her words of encouragement and affection. It will be returned, and even if it isn't you will be building a better relationship with her.

After what my sister has done to me, my wife, my folks, I can still say I love her. Of course, she's 1,900 miles away...

[AB^2=BCxAC]

It's your sister's silverware, so she should say who gets to keep it and when.

I think you should be prepared to let the $800 go, as a one time gift of good will, and write off the debt with your sister.

[jonasmac]

Originally Posted by iMOTOR

So your sister can be seen online??!

How much does it cost??

EEvEEl. Like the FruEEEts of the DevEEL.

I say what's money to your family? If there's one thing I've learned on this subject, it's that it's just not worth it to let something as insignificant as money get in the way of relationships. If I have the money, anyone (in my immediate family), can ask me, and I'll give it without wanting it repaid.

Forgive the debt. Do what's right and give your sister back the silver which is rightfully hers. If you don't, you'll just be part of this circle of deceit that your Aunt perpetuated. Be the better person.

Your sister might notice you honesty, and who knows, one day when you need $800, she'll remember all you've done for her and hook you up.

[jonasmac]

Originally Posted by budster101

Your Aunt has placed you in a precarious position now... and that is not cool.
So, your sister know it's gone and your Aunt took it?

If so, guess what? You can't trust your Aunt. Not to take that back to your sister. Furthermore, I see your Aunt as a "jilted" and mean-spirited medalling fool.

Now, you have to take responsibility and take the silver (polished) back to your sister. Apologize for what happened if you can... Keeping it for any length of time was just not right.

--

Along the lines of the debt. If you can afford to forgive it. Do so, and let her know it's nothing, don't sweat it. If you cannot afford to, then let her know this, and ask that she do what she can to repay it in some amount of time. $200 up front, then pay down $600 over a year as she can. My God all she has to do is not buy coffee out for a year at Starbucks... and that is probably $900 right there.

Whatever the case, work it out like adults, and reinforce your love for your sister every chance you get. Give her words of encouragement and affection. It will be returned, and even if it isn't you will be building a better relationship with her.

After what my sister has done to me, my wife, my folks, I can still say I love her. Of course, she's 1,900 miles away...

Budster, I didn't know you were so in touch with your emotions.

[Millennium]

Ouch; so your aunt took it without your sister knowing?

My advice: get the silver cleaned if it needs cleaning, and then give it back. If your aunt complains, point out that you took care of it and then returned it to its rightful owner, unlike a certain relative of yours who stole it and foisted the responsibilities for taking care of it onto someone else.

I've heard it said that you don't really know someone until you've had to divide an inheritance with them. Perhaps this is a case where that statement applies?

[Atomic Rooster]

OK..I've thought more about it.

Give your sister the silver back like you've already decided and do not ever mention the money again. Forget the debt, it's not worth it...believe me, I know.

But and it's a big BUT...do not enter into any financial transactions with her ever again EVER! Simply say no or make up an excuse like maybe you haven't got it cuz you just paid all your past due bills

Whatever.

[budster101]

Originally Posted by jonasmac

Budster, I didn't know you were so in touch with your emotions.

I'm eye-talian and Polksi, so Im emotional and calm depending on what and when...


And Re: Not knowing someone until you divide up an inheritance? I've seen this a few times with others and it's ugly. I don't want to think about what would happen when my folks die. At least I already have my Grandfather's Rocking Chair, Cain, and Baseball Cap as per my father. He knew I would take great care of it. I'm a saver, if ya'll hadn't noticed.

Edit: Just read Atomic Rooster's post. Yep. Foget the Debt, never a borrower nor a lender be.