Welcome to the MacNN Forums.

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

You are here: MacNN Forums > Community > MacNN Lounge > God Dammit! Warning: Low-level Cognitihazards

God Dammit! Warning: Low-level Cognitihazards
Thread Tools
subego
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 14, 2018, 01:26 AM
 
If I have Borderline by Madonna stuck in my head, so will everyone else!
     
Thorzdad
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Nobletucky
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 14, 2018, 05:31 PM
 
You should grab yourself a little afternoon delight.
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 18, 2018, 12:45 AM
 
I’m reading the SCP Foundation files, and this needs to be categorized as a low-level cognitihazard.

Test 003: oops, I did it again
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 18, 2018, 11:06 PM
 
Test 005b: I said HEY! What’s going on?
     
andi*pandi
Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: inside 128, north of 90
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 19, 2018, 11:22 AM
 
That would work if I remembered more than one line from that song.
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 19, 2018, 11:58 AM
 
Test 005w: band on the run, band on the run, band on the run
     
Laminar
Posting Junkie
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Iowa, how long can this be? Does it really ruin the left column spacing?
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 20, 2018, 12:41 PM
 
Originally Posted by subego View Post
Test 005w: band on the run, band on the run, band on the run
That one got me.
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 21, 2018, 05:46 AM
 
Originally Posted by Laminar View Post
That one got me.
Test notes: attempt to isolate whether success of 005w is due to repetition, or Paul McCartney.
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 21, 2018, 05:50 AM
 
Test 006a: say live and let die
     
andi*pandi
Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: inside 128, north of 90
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 21, 2018, 09:34 AM
 
Test 006b: Oobladie oobladah
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 21, 2018, 06:08 PM
 
Originally Posted by andi*pandi View Post
Test 006b: Oobladie oobladah
Test notes: suggest exploration of whether observed results (tentatively named the “Sir Paul effect”) can manifest due to proximity.
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 21, 2018, 06:09 PM
 
Test 007a: I read the news today, oh boy
     
andi*pandi
Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: inside 128, north of 90
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 22, 2018, 09:31 AM
 
No insult to the Beatles, but this song is infectious. Listen for the chorus toward the middle. Kids came home from camp with this song and it has staying power.

     
Laminar
Posting Junkie
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Iowa, how long can this be? Does it really ruin the left column spacing?
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 22, 2018, 10:36 AM
 
Originally Posted by subego View Post
Test notes: attempt to isolate whether success of 005w is due to repetition, or Paul McCartney.
Weird sidenote, in the last couple of weeks I've started telling Alexa to play the 70s Rock station, and this song came up. I'd heard it before but had no idea who it was, so I asked Alexa. That's when I learned that it's "Band on the Run," not "Man on the Run" like I'd always thought.

edit: Now you got me again.
     
andi*pandi
Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: inside 128, north of 90
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 22, 2018, 04:54 PM
 
I am a victim of my own tactics.

"I'm a golden boy, come here to enjoy... I'm the king of fun... let me show you how we do it"
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 22, 2018, 05:42 PM
 
ALERT: CONTAINMENT BREACH

A security team has been dispatched to your location. Please remain seated.
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 23, 2018, 06:53 AM
 
Interview log 008a-1

Subject: Debrief of Agent ██████, only surviving member of Security Team Iota-5.
Interviewer: Dr. ███.


Dr. ███: Please state your name for the record.

Agent ██████: Golden boy.

Dr.: What?

Agent: I’m the king of fun.

Dr.: Agent ██████, can you hear me? [off microphone] Is this thing on?

Agent: LET ME SHOW YOU HOW WE DO IT!

Dr.: I’m a golden b<?\^

[DATA CORRUPT]
     
andi*pandi
Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: inside 128, north of 90
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 23, 2018, 07:46 PM
 
.

.

.
I'm a golden boy
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 24, 2018, 02:17 AM
 
BEGIN ENCRYPTED MESSAGE

You have received sitewide clearance for use of Procedure-05 NICKELBACK.

May God have mercy on you.
     
Laminar
Posting Junkie
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Iowa, how long can this be? Does it really ruin the left column spacing?
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 24, 2018, 09:14 AM
 
LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH

all caps
     
Laminar
Posting Junkie
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Iowa, how long can this be? Does it really ruin the left column spacing?
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Aug 24, 2018, 09:49 AM
 
Well, I just played myself.

     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Sep 1, 2018, 12:04 PM
 
On ██/██/20██, the transmitter at Site-██ was enabled, and the following audio was recorded.


03:17:02 Screams from an unknown quantity of people are heard.

03:17:32 Loud, metallic banging is heard. Screams continue.

03:17:50 Banging reduces in volume.

03:18:05 Banging ends. Screams reduce in volume.

03:18:12 Silence.

03:18:16 A “pop” is heard, followed by the sound of liquid hitting a surface.

03:18:20 An unidentifiable voice says “put your right foot in and shake it all around. You do the h████ p███...”

03:18:22 Transmitter ceases functioning.
     
andi*pandi
Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: inside 128, north of 90
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Sep 1, 2018, 06:34 PM
 
Subject A is immune to H-K mutation. However, clinical trial 783J achieved success with this:

why haven't you people ever heard of
closing the GODDAMN DOOR

The rest of the lyrics are lost to the wind.

Just those lines. On repeat. Then muttering.
     
Laminar
Posting Junkie
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Iowa, how long can this be? Does it really ruin the left column spacing?
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Sep 4, 2018, 09:41 AM
 
some BODY once told me
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Sep 5, 2018, 05:19 AM
 
To: All Site Personnel
From: Site Director Dietz
Re: [URGENT] Revised Safety Protocol

In light of the results of experiment 211, all personnel are required to carry an M-322 BREAD THROWER, AUTOMATIC at all times. This has been shown to be highly effective at delaying infection.

Further, as outlined in Directive 1-665-12, we will be issuing all personnel a three (3) gram dosage of M-4119 SUGAR, BUTTERFLY, to be used with extreme prejudice.

Your cooperation is appreciated.


04-SEP-2018
DIETZ/ajc
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Sep 9, 2018, 03:39 AM
 
From: [REDACTED]
To: [REDACTED]
Subject: New Researcher

Please extend all courtesy to Dr. Astley. I needn’t remind you what a coup this is for the project.
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Sep 14, 2018, 03:33 AM
 
Excerpts from Test Log 512
Researcher: Dr. M. Watanabe
Subject: █. █. ████

Test 512g “Poker Face”
Test result: Subject requests researcher self-insert [REDACTED].

Test 512j: “We Didn’t Start the Fire”
Test result: Subject elaborately describes what would occur if research protocol did not require confinement by means of arm and leg restraints.

Test 512p: “강남스타일”
Test result: Subject claims extensive knowledge from the previous evening of researcher’s biological mother.


Test notes: Can we hire this guy? - Dr. Watanabe
( Last edited by subego; Sep 14, 2018 at 03:55 AM. )
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Sep 30, 2018, 08:03 PM
 
To: All Site Personnel
From: Site Director Dietz
Re: [URGENT] Yeti Milk

Beginning October 1st, Yeti Milk will be made available in the cafeteria.

I do not make this decision lightly.

Your cooperation is appreciated.


30-SEP-2018
DIETZ/ajc
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Oct 20, 2018, 05:38 AM
 
To: All Site Personnel
From: Site Director Carter
Re: [URGENT] Yeti Milk

My first action as new Site Director is to suspend Yeti Milk until further notice.


20-OCT-2018
CARTER/ajc
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Oct 26, 2018, 04:25 PM
 
To: <[email protected]>
From: [REDACTED]
Subject: Protocol 1225-XMS


Dammit, it’s starting already, and you’re just going to let it happen. Dietz is gone because he was the only one here with some balls.
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Nov 1, 2018, 07:32 PM
 
17:10 bRox: It’s baaaaaaack.
17:10 DAllen: Seriously?
17:11 bRox: Yup.
17:11 DAllen: Where’s the memo?
17:11 bRox: No memo.
17:11 DAllen: He just
17:11 DAllen: put it back?
17:12 bRox: Yup.
17:12 DAllen: Holy shit
17:13 Clint: As if you didn’t know this was going to happen. It shouldn’t have been pulled. Dietz was an asshole, but he wasn’t *wrong*.
17:13 DAllen: In a MONTH!
17:13 Clint: Carter was pandering. I’m surprised you fell for it.
17:14 Clint: A MONTH? Are you out of your mind?
17:14 DAllen: this is NOT going to go over well
17:14 bRox: I’m... with Dave on this one.
17:14 DAllen has left chat
17:15 Clint: Oh FFS
17:15 bRox: Are you going to stop him?
17:15 Clint: Stop what?
17:15 Clint: You don’t mean
17:15 Wolls: Did you guys hear?
17:16 bRox has left chat
17:16 Clint has left chat
17:16 Wolls: It’s back!
( Last edited by subego; Nov 2, 2018 at 09:16 PM. )
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Nov 5, 2018, 02:17 AM
 
To: <[email protected]>
From: [REDACTED]
Subject: Personnel Transfer

++BEGIN ENCRYPTED MESSAGE++

We don’t need audio cognohazard specialists in the Marianas Trench. There must have been some mistake.

+++END ENCRYPTED MESSAGE+++
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Nov 16, 2018, 08:20 PM
 
To: All Site Personnel
From: Site Director Carter
Re: Morale

Anyone who knows me knows I don’t give pep talks.

Everyone here knew what they were signing up for. Shut up and do your job, or you can go join Dr. Allen.


07-NOV-2018
CARTER/qlr
     
andi*pandi
Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: inside 128, north of 90
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Nov 16, 2018, 08:24 PM
 
<whispered from a corner> "we don't need another hero..."
     
Chongo
Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Nov 19, 2018, 10:57 AM
 
One of our supervisors is named Cherri (pronounced Sherry.) I hear Frankie Valli whenever I see her.
45/47
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Nov 23, 2018, 12:29 PM
 
Results of test 117B: Project Master-Blaster

Baseline achieved 82% infection rate. This surpasses all strains except for 117-3 (“Proud Mary”). Suggest moving forward with Project I Hate Ike.

All infected subjects terminated.


Results of test 212N: Project Jersey Boys

Baseline achieved 75% infection rate. Wide variance in infection by gender noted for strain 212-7 (Walk Like a Man”), and strain 212-10 (“Big Girls Don’t Cry”). 36% of infected subjects display hemorrhage of the ear due to high frequencies.

All infected subjects terminated.
     
andi*pandi
Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: inside 128, north of 90
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Nov 28, 2018, 03:50 PM
 
Test 217G:
Test subject group forced to debate merits of "I shot the sheriff" vs "I found the law and the law won". Mashup ensued of solely chorus elements. Carlson proceeded to autotune the session.

Can we monetize?

Holding off on terminating subjects until above question is answered.
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Dec 12, 2018, 06:09 AM
 
Billboard Hot 100 for the week beginning December 10th, 2018

...
#2 (1) Sicko Mode - Travis Scott and Drake
#3 (92) I Fought the Law, but I Didn’t Win the Deputy - The Andes
#4 (3) Without Me - Halsey
...
     
andi*pandi
Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: inside 128, north of 90
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Dec 20, 2018, 08:37 PM
 
TO: Management
FROM: Junior Staff
SUBJECT: Morale

The junior staff feel that some kind of morale-booster would really liven the mood down here in the bunker. We were thinking of putting on a show - Do you prefer Hairspray, or LIttle Shop?

<cue 'Welcome to the 60s' on endless repeat, complete with tap dancing and mashed potato>
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Dec 24, 2018, 06:09 AM
 
To: <[email protected]>
From: <[email protected]>
Subject: AGAIN?

I’ve just treated my 42nd patient for symptoms of acute formication, and what do they tell me? We staged HAIRSPRAY.

The one where LAST TIME, the whole site thinks they have LITERAL shpilkes.

Just cut the damn Cooties number.

We’re also out of Benadryl.
     
andi*pandi
Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: inside 128, north of 90
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Dec 31, 2018, 04:27 PM
 
Well get used to this on endless repeat in the hallways and labs until March.
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Feb 14, 2019, 01:30 PM
 
So, the gag I was setting up was the Yeti milk granted immunity to Christmas music, but I never came up with a satisfying way to deliver the punchline.

sadtrombone.mp3

Oh... Dietz and Carter are getting married. That’s why Dietz disappeared.
     
andi*pandi
Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: inside 128, north of 90
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Feb 14, 2019, 01:36 PM
 
oh come on.

I know who Halsey is now. She's a painter.
     
subego  (op)
Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status: Offline
Reply With Quote
Feb 15, 2019, 05:27 AM
 
To: <[email protected]>
From: [REDACTED]
Subject: Project Blue

I don’t know what more proof you need this Halsey thing has gotten beyond our ability to contain.

Attachment: 5lx292qe.jpg
WARNING ***COGNITOHAZARD DETECTED*** WARNING
DO NOT OPEN

 
     
   
Thread Tools
 
Forum Links
Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Top
Privacy Policy
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:05 AM.
All contents of these forums © 1995-2017 MacNN. All rights reserved.
Branding + Design: www.gesamtbild.com
vBulletin v.3.8.8 © 2000-2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.,