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besson3c · Jun 13, 2006, 07:36 AM

How come sometimes it kind of forks into two streams, sometimes it veers off to the right, sometimes it veers off to the left, and sometimes it's an absolutely magnificent stream?

What do I need to do to create some consistency? Would a picture help explain what I'm talking about?

Is there a pill I should be taking? I like taking pills... so tasty!

zmcgill · Jun 13, 2006, 09:12 AM

Are any of the situations after gettin' freaky? I'm thinking back to Me, Myself, and Irene, and he had the same problem...

Kevin · Jun 13, 2006, 09:22 AM

This is a piss poor thread.

besson3c · Jun 13, 2006, 09:30 AM

this one time my urine stream did this weird lawn sprinkler thing too, but fortunately it was in a urinal.

Surely there has to be a pill for this?

osiris · Jun 13, 2006, 09:31 AM

Maybe your weewee is drunk.

Railroader · Jun 13, 2006, 09:35 AM

Sounds like a hygiene problem.

besson3c · Jun 13, 2006, 09:37 AM

Originally Posted by Railroader

Sounds like a hygiene problem.

My penis is kept so clean you can see your reflection on it, not that you'd ever know...

ort888 · Jun 13, 2006, 10:28 AM

You pee tube is kinked up. Get a knitting needle and jam it up your pee hole. Move it around in counterclockwise circles for about 5 minutes every morning.

besson3c · Jun 13, 2006, 10:31 AM

Originally Posted by ort888

You pee tube is kinked up. Get a knitting needle and jam it up your pee hole. Move it around in counterclockwise circles for about 5 minutes every morning.

Do they make a Roto-Rooter for penii, preferably in pill form?

cjrivera · Jun 13, 2006, 10:32 AM

You might have a stricture at the distal urethra (near the tip of the penis). This could cause a diverging stream. If you keep yourself clean (because poor hygiene could cause this), then you may need to see your doctor about this....

It can be intermittant and that's why it only happens some of the time. As it worsens, it could diverge any time you pee.

Check with your doctor.

Nivag · Jun 13, 2006, 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by besson3c

My penis is kept so clean you can see your reflection on it, not that you'd ever know...

so you 'polish' your d¡ck a lot then?

zmcgill · Jun 13, 2006, 10:49 AM

Originally Posted by Nivag

so you 'polish' your d¡ck a lot then?

I always used to joke about 'waxing my probe.'

BTW I was talking about this:

besson3c · Jun 13, 2006, 10:57 AM

Originally Posted by cjrivera

You might have a stricture at the distal urethra (near the tip of the penis). This could cause a diverging stream. If you keep yourself clean (because poor hygiene could cause this), then you may need to see your doctor about this....

It can be intermittant and that's why it only happens some of the time. As it worsens, it could diverge any time you pee.

Check with your doctor.

It's not really a problem, it only happens every once in a while... Thanks for your medical tips though!

P.S. Is it okay to take Vagisil for this problem?

besson3c · Jun 13, 2006, 10:58 AM

Originally Posted by Gossamer

I always used to joke about 'waxing my probe.'

BTW I was talking about this:

It's a good thing your license plate isn't visible, otherwise you could get busted by the internet police for being on a closed road!

Jawbone54 · Jun 13, 2006, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by ort888

You pee tube is kinked up. Get a knitting needle and jam it up your pee hole. Move it around in counterclockwise circles for about 5 minutes every morning.

You have no idea how badly that made me cringe. *shudder*

besson3c · Jun 13, 2006, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by Jawbone54

You have no idea how badly that made me cringe. *shudder*

Unpleasant memories of knitting needles?

besson3c · Jun 13, 2006, 11:10 AM

Has anybody clocked the speed of their urine stream? Sometimes I think my urine is going out as fast as hell, some days it just takes its sweet time.

zmcgill · Jun 13, 2006, 11:33 AM

You wouldn't have to measure the speed, that could be easily calculated by knowing the angle of exit and a measured distance. I miss physics class.

BlueSky · Jun 13, 2006, 12:22 PM

I had this problem once, but ironically it was a side effect of taking a Viagra pill that caused it. Later on I discovered you're supposed to take it orally, so that might explain a lot. Similar to that constipation/two canteloupes a day misunderstanding.

zmcgill · Jun 13, 2006, 12:40 PM

Originally Posted by BlueSky

I had this problem once, but ironically it was a side effect of taking a Viagra pill that caused it. Later on I discovered you're supposed to take it orally, so that might explain a lot. Similar to that constipation/two canteloupes a day misunderstanding.

Oh no!!

Oisín · Jun 13, 2006, 12:44 PM

Originally Posted by Kevin

This is a piss poor thread.

No, it’s a poor piss thread.

besson3c · Jun 13, 2006, 12:52 PM

Originally Posted by BlueSky

I had this problem once, but ironically it was a side effect of taking a Viagra pill that caused it. Later on I discovered you're supposed to take it orally, so that might explain a lot. Similar to that constipation/two canteloupes a day misunderstanding.

I've never tried peeing with a big stiffy, but I bet it makes cool fountains just like those little kids that were made into statues.

Ghoser777 · Jun 13, 2006, 01:05 PM

Do we wonder why there aren't more women around these parts?

starman · Jun 13, 2006, 01:07 PM

Originally Posted by besson3c

Has anybody clocked the speed of their urine stream? Sometimes I think my urine is going out as fast as hell, some days it just takes its sweet time.

It's sweet? EWW

Chuckit · Jun 13, 2006, 01:08 PM

This thread can't keep afloat.

besson3c · Jun 13, 2006, 01:11 PM

Originally Posted by Ghoser777

Do we wonder why there aren't more women around these parts?

I'd point to male aggression and testostrone-heavy hostility before pointing to my urine stream...

I do like to point at my urine stream though.

Targon · Jun 13, 2006, 01:11 PM

don't bat off b4 hand and and wait at least half hour after a hard on.... solution... sit down an piss so you don't spray the wall/floor.

besson3c · Jun 13, 2006, 01:12 PM

Originally Posted by Chuckit

This thread can't keep afloat.

I sure hope that somebody tells me what pills I should take before this thread dies, or at least tell me whether Vagisil is cool.

besson3c · Jun 13, 2006, 01:13 PM

Originally Posted by Targon

don't bat off b4 hand and and wait at least half hour after a hard on.... solution... sit down an piss so you don't spray the wall/floor.

Well, what about when you need to mark your territory?

RAILhead · Jun 13, 2006, 01:14 PM

I like to guess how far I pee. I'll walk out of the toilet room and announce to my wife that I think I may have just peed about 23 yards.

Targon · Jun 13, 2006, 01:16 PM

im sure she's impressed ;-)

Targon · Jun 13, 2006, 01:16 PM

i bet she can "GUSH" further than u ..... muhaha

cjrivera · Jun 13, 2006, 01:16 PM

Originally Posted by besson3c

I sure hope that somebody tells me what pills I should take before this thread dies, or at least tell me whether Vagisil is cool.

Pills won't likely help.
Vagasil won't help either, unless it is a stricture at the very tip of the penis. And even then might not help. (Won't hurt to try, though)
Usually, it takes mechanical urethral dilitation in certain cases.

besson3c · Jun 13, 2006, 01:23 PM

Originally Posted by RAILhead

I like to guess how far I pee. I'll walk out of the toilet room and announce to my wife that I think I may have just peed about 23 yards.

Toilet room.. that's cool!

This one time I peed 25 yards like crazy. When I was done, there was smoke coming out of my penis from all of that, and then I did a backflip!

©öñFü$íóÑ · Jun 13, 2006, 01:24 PM

Originally Posted by Targon

sit down an piss so you don't spray the wall/floor.

best solution here

and if your pee is yellow and/or sweet smelling (almost like a maple syrupy smell), that usually means that you aren't drinking enough water. In that case, you might want to start drinking a small glass (1/4th full or less) of cranberry juice and a full glass or two of water, following it. You might also want to cut back on salty and sweet foods while you're at it. Of course regular, aerobic exercise, or a quick jog around the block should get the blood flowing and help cleanse your system.

besson3c · Jun 13, 2006, 01:25 PM

Originally Posted by cjrivera

Pills won't likely help.
Vagasil won't help either, unless it is a stricture at the very tip of the penis. And even then might not help. (Won't hurt to try, though)
Usually, it takes mechanical urethral dilitation in certain cases.

What is this mechanical urethral dillitation you speak of, and does it come in pill form?

Oisín · Jun 13, 2006, 01:26 PM

best solution here

and if your pee is yellow and/or sweet smelling (almost like a maple syrupy smell), that usually means that you aren't drinking enough water. In that case, you might want to start drinking a small glass (1/4th full or less) of cranberry juice and a full glass or two of water, following it. You might also want to cut back on salty and sweet foods while you're at it.

What about when it’s green and smells like chicken?

©öñFü$íóÑ · Jun 13, 2006, 01:30 PM

Originally Posted by Oisín

What about when it’s green and smells like chicken?

i'm no doctor, but seriously, info on urine color-changes and their causes can be found here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_urine#Color

cjrivera · Jun 13, 2006, 01:33 PM

Originally Posted by besson3c

What is this mechanical urethral dillitation you speak of, and does it come in pill form?

No pill form.

It it's needed a urologist goes into the urethral opening with instruments (metal rods that vary in diameter - they put the smallest that will fit into the opening, then remove it and then use then next size up, etc.) Needless to say, you are sedated when this occurs.

Again, if it's needed...

aha8 · Jun 13, 2006, 01:34 PM

Originally Posted by Oisín

What about when it’s green and smells like chicken?

stay out of my mom......

cjrivera · Jun 13, 2006, 01:35 PM

Originally Posted by Oisín

What about when it’s green and smells like chicken?

It means quit having sex with chickens, especially ones with STDs...

Rumor · Jun 13, 2006, 01:52 PM

If there is blockage at the tip, then perhaps a PA would help.

Targon · Jun 13, 2006, 01:58 PM

or bird flu

zmcgill · Jun 13, 2006, 02:16 PM

Originally Posted by besson3c

Toilet room.. that's cool!

This one time I peed 25 yards like crazy. When I was done, there was smoke coming out of my penis from all of that, and then I did a backflip!

Has the realultimatepower kid taken over your account?

Oisín · Jun 13, 2006, 02:18 PM

Originally Posted by djSTP

stay out of my mom......

If there is blockage at the tip, then perhaps a PA would help.

or bird flu

Hmm... no, sorry, I don’t think bird flu would help much.

qnxde · Jun 14, 2006, 09:58 AM

On a serious note, you do pull back your foreskin when you pee don't you? If you do have one...

besson3c · Jun 14, 2006, 10:02 AM

Originally Posted by qnxde

On a serious note, you do pull back your foreskin when you pee don't you? If you do have one...

That's a pretty personal question. I generally don't share personal details about my bodily functions to public forums... Sorry!

forkies · Jun 14, 2006, 10:30 AM

Originally Posted by besson3c

I generally don't share personal details about my bodily functions to public forums... Sorry!

i seem to recall that you have indeed done so, but i might be wrong.

besson3c · Jun 14, 2006, 10:34 AM

Originally Posted by forkies

i seem to recall that you have indeed done so, but i might be wrong.

I think that was somebody else.

besson3c · Jun 14, 2006, 10:34 AM

My gut feeling says that this is going to be the most popular MacNN thread ever!

I hope I'm not let down ;(