[UNTeMac]

I live in a 4 bed 2 bath apartment. One of the roommates (J) never sleeps here and the other three of us have lived fairly well together these past 8 months. Recently though, after a fight about cleaning up after ourselves broke out between me and another roommate (D), that roommate has decided to simply never clean up after himself. He leaves dirty dishes on the coffee table after every meal and refuses to clean them up and also leaves food out in the kitchen when he's done preparing the meal.

My other roommate (E) wants to take a passive approach and I'm inclined to agree but part of me really just wants to take roommate "D's" dirty dishes and throw them on his bed. I know this will only prolong the fight but I can't think of anything else to do except wait it out.

Thoughts?

[vinster]

Originally Posted by UNTeMac

Thoughts?

Move into your own apartment, or better yet buy your own property.

[Doofy]

Replace "D" with a hot Swedish chick. You won't mind if she doesn't clean up after herself.

Who's name is on the lease? If not you, stop paying rent. If it's D's name, stop paying rent until he agrees to help you force J to smarten up.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by hayesk

Who's name is on the lease? If not you, stop paying rent. If it's D's name, stop paying rent until he agrees to help you force J to smarten up.

Someone didn't read the OP properly.

[freudling]

UNTeMac:

I fully understand your situation and my advic will not oversimplify by suggesting you just move out. I know how complicated living conditions can be, and, presumably, you live with roommates because it is cheap. So moving out is expensive and living on your own equally so.

So, roommate E is a spinless lightweight. Just another typical one. If I were roommate E, I would stand up for you. It is like standing by when someone is getting beat over the head. There is an obligation to at least do something on his part. Roommate D is just a fux*ing childesh monkey. If this is really all there is to the story, roommate D is totally in the wrong.

1) Discuss with roommate E what you propose to do and that you need him onside.
2) Present your proposal to roommate D

What you can do:

Not knowing your full situation, if the lease is in your name and roommate D is not on the lease, tell him that you want the dishes cleaned up. Put it in writing and get him to sign it. Know, all you are doing here is being nice and following the law. If he does not comply, and if he is not tied to the lease in any legal way, throw his ass out. Let him know his position too. Tell him that he is not on the lease, etc. and that you have every right and means to throw him out.

Now I am not familiar with the tenancy laws in your state, but I suggest you familiarize yourself with them. I know that, here, if you request something and it is not done, and you request again and it is still not done, you have grounds to serve notice. If the tenant complies within a certain time period (i.e. 10 days), the eviction notice becomes void.

If roommate D is in fact legally tied to the lease and he does hold some legal weight, do the same thing: issue the request re dishes in writing, get him to sign and the landlord and make sure the landlord knows what is going on. It will more than likely, in this case where roommate D is on the lease, be you serving the paperwork on behalf of the landlord.

Let me be clear: don't put up with it. Roommate D can fuxk off.

[hickey]

i concur. dont put up with crappy roomates, they do nothing but make a cool living arrangement a pain in the ass.

[production_coordinator]

A) Communication is the key to maintaining a friendly living environment.
B) Don't threaten ANYONE... don't say you aren't going to pay rent, don't say you are going to leave...
C) Draw up "house rules" and hold people to them.

If it is that bad, move out.

[Nebagakid]

****ing go off him, own his ass. If you are in the right, and you own him in front of your other roommates, you will belittle him and pound into him and make it known in front of everyone that everyone knows he is not pulling his weight.

Also, I think putting his **** in his room works well.

[sknapp351]

My old roommate was just like this "D" person. Living with him made me realize that I am somewhat OCD. He did the exact same stuff, especially the dishes on the coffee table.
He left for a two week vacation once and I found a bunch of nast moldy dishes in the kitchen that I had been hoping he wuld take care of, so much along the same thought lines as you , I put them on his bed. I wasn't around when he got back, but a few days after that I found them in the back corner of the back yard. If he wont clean up after himself now, he wont at all. It doesn't matter to him. Listen to freudling, try to find your options out of the situation. I now have a standing rule that I borrowed from a friend. If I am not sleeping with a person, I am not living with them.Since I am engaged that rules out everyone but one.
SAm

[smacintush]

Have sex with him. That usually fixes everything.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by smacintush

Have sex with him. That usually fixes everything.

I wasn't going to mention it, but since someone else brought it up...

-- Doofy's Primary Rule of Cohabitation --

Don't live with anyone who you're not bumping or isn't a result of your bumping.

[UNTeMac]

Thanks for all the replies. To clarify a few things... we are on individual leases, each signed separately. I highly doubt getting the office involved will do anything unless he decides to destroy any of my property or attack me. Then, I have grounds to force him out (evict/arrest.)

The fight D and I had about cleaning came from an earlier situation he was pretending to be asleep on the couch when my other roommate (E) and I were having a discussion about how D never does anything about chores etc. I pointed out to E that D has had dishes from other meals on the coffee table for three days and that I was tired of it. E listened without really agreeing that something needed to be done but did agree that the three of us would sit down the next day and talk it out.

I went to to my room for awhile after this talk and came out later to finish up the kitchen. While cleaning the kitchen, I went to the living room where D was now "awake" and cleaned up after him and in front of him after letting dishes from a prior meal stay on the coffee table for three days. He leapt up from his chair, yelling (at 2am) and I told him to lower his voice. He then said he wasn't going to talk about this and that I would see what happens when he doesn't do anything (as in chores, etc)

D acts like a child most of the time...it's how he is and I would have lived anywhere else had I been able to afford not having a roommate but this was where I was forced into and now I just need to find a way to deal with it for 4 more months. I guess this is probably going to be a fun soap opera to read for the next few days so I'll try to let those interested know some updates.

Any more advice is welcome.

[Mastrap]

Dump the dirty dishes in his room. Then invite his parents over for dinner.

[ThinkInsane]

Beat them all. Brutally. You need to establish dominance over the pack. After that, everything's easy.

[UNTeMac]

If there were a Fox networks team of writers on this, it would've ended differently but tonight I finally got D to sit down and talk with me about it. He basically needed to air some grievances about behavior he saw in E and me that he hadn't said anything about before. Most were pretty unreasonable things to be upset about and some I thought were flat wrong. My instinct was to disagree but I just let him say his piece, right or wrong and he finally agreed to clean up the mess that's been piling up and will continue to do so. We shook hands.

So patience wins out. How boring.

[DeathToWindows]

Argh. Just beat him over the head with a durian

[Doofy]

And the advert currently displaying at the top of this page is...

"Nobody likes cleaning up" (Office:Mac)

[Salty]

At the same time you were badmouthing him in front of the other room mate. Honestly I have to wonder if perhaps you weren't a bit naggy too? I dono I've had several room mates. I've been both the clean and the dirty room mate. I was only ever the dirty room mate when my first one was a whiny jerk. I'm not saying you are... but people are always better motivated to be considerate when they feel they're respected.

[UNTeMac]

Originally Posted by Salty

At the same time you were badmouthing him in front of the other room mate. Honestly I have to wonder if perhaps you weren't a bit naggy too? I dono I've had several room mates. I've been both the clean and the dirty room mate. I was only ever the dirty room mate when my first one was a whiny jerk. I'm not saying you are... but people are always better motivated to be considerate when they feel they're respected.

Respect is one of those things that people lose for someone over time if they don't do their own crap like an adult. Being messy to to spite someone sure says "I'm 14 and I'm mad at my parents."

[Nebagakid]

Originally Posted by Salty

but people are always better motivated to be considerate when they feel they're respected.

Very true. I know I act kinder towards my roommates who are polite to me. It really is the golden rule. It works.

[IceEnclosure]

my roommate's nasty too. Dirty dishes, days worth of fast-food garbage, etc.. I'm going to take some pics before I move. Which is in about 8 days. I'm not on the lease so I have nothing to do but move. Nasty ****. and she's a girl too.

peace

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by Doofy

I wasn't going to mention it, but since someone else brought it up...

-- Doofy's Primary Rule of Cohabitation --

Don't live with anyone who you're not bumping or isn't a result of your bumping.

Words of wisdom indeed.

[Stradlater]

Change the locks.

[Monique]

Talk to someone who has some influence on him or her and ask the person to use paper plates if he or she doesn't comply and follow him or her with a huge garbage pail. At least you will not have to deal with dirty dishes. Also, tell that person to use only the microwave be he or she is a pig and that you do not want to wash his or her pots.

[TubaMuffins]

we had a similar problem in our house of 5 guys last year, no one would do the dishes. My friend got really pissed off, boxed up all of our dishes, hid them and replaced them with paper and plastics. The time for dishes getting done used to be about a week, now its just a day or two (pots and pans and such). good luck, roommates can suck.

[freudling]

production_coordinator:

Go fuxk off. Telling him to move out because someone else is being a lazy prick is horrible adivice and it is because of spinless lightweights like you and roommate E that this world sucks most of the time.

Since you are both legally tied to the lease, put in writing the dishes problem and how it is unhygenic and impeding your living space. Detail what transpired after confronting him and that the problem has not be solved. Present it to the Landlords and tell them that you want them to talk to the roommate about it. If, after the landlords talk to the roommate, he does not comply, now, depending on the state, you can serve him an eviction notice for noncompliance. END OF STORY.

If the landlords don't act, and fast, take them to mediation out of principal. Don't take this up the axx, go all the way and get served.

DO IT.

[freudling]

As a footnote, I just got out of two horrible living situations that were, at the beginning, supposed to be good. I got out of one situation living with a gay roommate that got nasty, as he became attracted to me. So I got out of there. Then, I moved in to a place that had 3 other people under the roof, plus the landlord underneath. It was in a nice area in a nice house. After one week, one of the girls hated me for not wanting to sleep with her, the other roommate was a neurotic photographer with heart problems, and this wife was a stuck up European bitxh who I think wanted me too.

When the first months rent was due, I left the money under the landlords door, mostly in cash and the other portion as a cheque. The next day I come home and the household is having a meeting about me. They wanted me out and I got served an eviction notice for not paying the rent on time. It said 10 days. So, I confronted her and asked one of the roommates to stand up for me, because he saw me late at night putting money in an envelope and subsequently going downstairs to place it under the landlord's door. He was just a typical spinless lightweight and didn't get involved. I told them all to fuxk off and moved out. But, this is totally unfair to me of course and, if I didn't immediately catapult myself into a much better living situation, I would have went to mediation.

Don't take anything for granted when living with people you don't know. PEOPLE ARE FUXKING EVIL: MOST ARE IN THIS RENTING BUSINESS ANYWAY.

[Cody Dawg]

I remember that money under the door problem.

I hope you pay your rent in some sort of money trail method? Checks? Money orders?

Hope the problem stays worked out.

I have roommates now and three of them make terrible messes. The fourth tries to keep the place clean with me.

(That would be my three children and my husband.)

[freudling]

All this makes me think of is a misbehaving monkey. That it is all it is. Most humans are stupid.