[OreoCookie]

Originally Posted by Doofy

It may seem like we're being assholes and trying to brag about our prowess or something, but all we're doing here is trying to help you.

If I were to brag about how great I am with girls, I sure wouldn't do that in a Mac (/computer) forum

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by OreoCookie

If I were to brag about how great I am with girls, I sure wouldn't do that in a Mac (/computer) forum

Obviously not. A cage fighting forum is the place for that kind of thing.

[Stradlater]

Originally Posted by krillbee

I thought you were telling me that basically have to believe that you are "the best" if you want to attract women. And that sorta bothered me. Maybe i was misinterpreting you.

Maybe? We've been pointing out, this entire time, that you've been misinterpreting us. You make a statement, we try to clarify, you don't listen.

[Todd Madson]

Krillbee: You're in FREAKING ST. PAUL MINNESOTA! Wake up!

You have TONS of opportunities - there's St. Thomas, there's St. Kate's
(an all girls college if you weren't already aware), Augsburg, William Mitchell
College of Law, Hamline and needless to say the University of Minnesota.

If you can't find ONE girl to date in that pile of teeming humanity there's
something wrong. Geezis.

I ended up meeting a group of St. Kate's students on a blind date thing
years ago where a friend met one of them over the internet - I ended up
dating the one the friend had talked to and some time later after that
ended stayed friends with most of the rest of them and later married
another from that group. Another way to meet women - be friends
with one, they're bound to know another and gee, one of them might
be interesting or even like you and let her friend know. Ack.

There's all kinds of places along Snelling and Grand and such where
women congregate - heck, even Cheapos records - some girl at the
counter there thought I looked like Warren Zevon (thanks, girl, but
he's DEAD, do I look that bad?) and was flirting up a storm and I
wasn't even trying. See a girl picking up a disc you already have
and mention "oh, that's really great, you gotta check that out" and
you've got an in.

Getting back to more depressing topics: I also have a friend who's
pushing forty who has a series of problems that have lead to him
not having any dates or relationships. The one or two opportunities
he had that I witnessed he snoozed and losed (correct my grammar
at your peril!).

Or it could be that you're just holding out for the right one, or you're
just very enlightened or gay. There's a lot of people who've been
giving you advice here, maybe try taking some of it.

[ecking01]

BE CAREFUL WITH THAT FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS THING!

Once nighters are much better.

I had friends with benefits with a person for a while and we were both vocal about it being just a physical thing.

Eventually I moved on and I guess because I moved on before her she acted all crazy about it and was attached.

Since then she has tried to kill my relationship with my girlfriend several times.

What sucks and that even after it all I wouldn't mind ****ing her again.


KRILLBEE don't worry just have fun, that's all girls really want. Just be a fun, confident guy and they'll want you just as much as you want them. Be honest about how you feel but don't say it like a sap.

And DO NOT save it for marriage. This has been proven to be had for people because neither of them knows how to properly please the other and it just leads to sexual dysfunction which can put a strain on other parts of a relationship.

Let things happen naturally, hang out befriend women let both of your feelings guid you, have sex with them when you both feel that you suddenly need to have sex, pay attention to what feels good to her(every woman is different).

If you put kissing, sex and everything in between on pedestal instead of just enbrace them as great things men and women who are into each other can do (even if they are not perminant love) they will never meet your huge expectations.

Besides trust me when I say you want to be close with more than one female body and female in general in life.

Many different race women, size breasts, vaginas, styles and personalities out there.

Would only ever want to have one friend in your entire life? Why should this be any different?

[ecking01]

Oh yeah and don't worry about "hurting her" your not supposed to marry everyone you date - well not unless your a celebrity.

Men and women expect that with dating comes break ups, yeah they hurt but are expected.

If you never wanted to hurt a woman/never get hurt then you'd only date one person your whole life.

[krillbee]

Originally Posted by Doofy

The reason I said it the way I did was because in order to gain the confidence you need, you have to kick start it in some way. It's real difficult to explain, but essentially acting it out to yourself is the easiest way to do this. Basically, if you're in a "no confidence" rut then the fastest way to get out of it is to fool yourself into having some.

so i dont think its okay to fool others, but you say its okay for me to fool myself?

Originally Posted by Doofy

@ Krillbee: You really don't want to be going down the road that this guy has. Don't over-analyse everything. Do listen to those who've has some success in the areas in which you want to have success. It may seem like we're being assholes and trying to brag about our prowess or something, but all we're doing here is trying to help you.

Alright, yeah i hope i dont go down that same path either. i have a theory that its going to get a lot better after college, since i wont have schoolwork making me depressed or taking up my time. granted it will be harder to meet women, but with a little courage i can fix that.
But I do tend to overanalyze things a lot, which isnt good.

I listen to those who have had success, and sometimes following advice is much easier said than done!

I dont think you guys are trying to be a-holes, I know you are trying to help.

[krillbee]

Originally Posted by OreoCookie

I don't understand what you mean by `are confident, but don't look confident.' Let me tell you something about women: they are experts at analyzing a person's (a guy's) behavior almost instantaneously. If you are confident, chances are that any woman in the room will recognize that much quicker than any guy does. Don't fool yourself into believing that there is such a thing as confidence that doesn't show.

for instance, im not an extrovert, some might equate that with me not having as much self esteem. also, im nice and gentle towards people, but some may view that as me being a pushover. I try to be careful as to not offend women when approaching them, but some might see that as me being a wuss. there are other examples too, but im not going to take the time to explain them all.

lets just say, there are times where i may be confident in what im doing, but women may interpret it differently.

You're in your 20s, he's 37, biiig difference. You still have all options, he has fewer every day. I don't know what his plans are, but again, if you want to have something boring like a family, then it's almost game over for you.

ha, so i take it u think having a family is boring and a bad idea?

Huh? A relationship is a commitment, but not a burden. A commitment (and the responsibilities it entails) can be a burden, but this is not what a relationship is about.

yes, a relationship is a commitment, but the point i was trying to make is that person A shouldnt require person B in order themselves (person A) to be happy. Thats dependency, and dependency isnt attractive, nor does it work well. A man needs to learn how to be happy by himself first, before he can learn how to be happy in a relationship.

Originally Posted by Todd Madson

Krillbee: You're in FREAKING ST. PAUL MINNESOTA! Wake up!
.

I know! But i gotta get out there. And its hard to do that when my head is burried in text books!! Or when no one wants to go out with me, or when i dont want to go out because im worried about the homework i need to get done eventually.

[OreoCookie]

Originally Posted by krillbee

Alright, yeah i hope i dont go down that same path either. i have a theory that its going to get a lot better after college, since i wont have schoolwork making me depressed or taking up my time. granted it will be harder to meet women, but with a little courage i can fix that.

Nope, college and university is as easy as it gets. Tons of young people with relatively large freedom. If you don't use the opportunity, you'll miss the easiest way of getting to know other people (not just women).

Originally Posted by krillbee

for instance, im not an extrovert, some might equate that with me not having as much self esteem. also, im nice and gentle towards people, but some may view that as me being a pushover. I try to be careful as to not offend women when approaching them, but some might see that as me being a wuss. there are other examples too, but im not going to take the time to explain them all.

Being introvert and being insecure are two things. But you can be introverted, because you are insecure.

Originally Posted by krillbee

lets just say, there are times where i may be confident in what im doing, but women may interpret it differently.

Women can interpret these things usually quite alright. They sense lack of experience and the inevitable uneasiness this lack implies.

Lack of social abilities is the second component: if you cannot relate to other persons easily, women (and men) might disqualify you for that reason.

Originally Posted by krillbee

ha, so i take it u think having a family is boring and a bad idea?

Nope, the exact opposite. (I was sarcastic, just in case you've missed it ) I definitely want to have a big family of my own. I love kids. It's a must have quality of any girlfriend of mine.

Originally Posted by krillbee

yes, a relationship is a commitment, but the point i was trying to make is that person A shouldnt require person B in order themselves (person A) to be happy. Thats dependency, and dependency isnt attractive, nor does it work well. A man needs to learn how to be happy by himself first, before he can learn how to be happy in a relationship.

Eeeeeh, nope. Humans are a social animal. There is nothing that replaces a relationship for most people. This does not mean they give up their self-reliance and the capability to be on their own. But it means we are made for relationships and need that to be happy to a certain degree.

However, a relationship won't make a miserable person happy.

I'm independent, single, but I know I'd be happier in a relationship. I'm not unhappy nor do I depend on a relationship to function.

Originally Posted by krillbee

I know! But i gotta get out there. And its hard to do that when my head is burried in text books!! Or when no one wants to go out with me, or when i dont want to go out because im worried about the homework i need to get done eventually.

Then GET OUT. Every student has the same workload than you. There are also good students with a social life. If you keep using that as an excuse, then your life will continue as it is now. Period.

[Todd Madson]

Homework is an excuse.

Go outside, even if for yourself - shopping or whatever. Don't be concerned
with finding someone, just interact.

My own experience suggests that looking for someone will not get you what
you want. Rather, when you stop looking things drop into your lap.

Sometimes literally.

(Man, Mr. Purple from Australia bears a frightening resemblence to my old co-worker
Rob - amazing).

[sbender_ceo]

hhmmm....maybe stayin single is better than anythin afterall......cos once when u get hurt..badly....u dont realise how much damage it could do....been there and is still tryin to recover after months...i wish i never fell in love in the fits place

[Mastrap]

Originally Posted by Takero_san

hhmmm....maybe stayin single is better than anythin afterall......cos once when u get hurt..badly....u dont realise how much damage it could do....been there and is still tryin to recover after months...i wish i never fell in love in the fits place

I mean, look at it. Still trying to recover the power of spelling, are you? That must have been some break up.

[Kevin]

Well Mas, them vagnetic wavs are pretty darn strong.

[Mastrap]

Originally Posted by Todd Madson

Getting back to more depressing topics: I also have a friend who's
pushing forty who has a series of problems that have lead to him
not having any dates or relationships. The one or two opportunities
he had that I witnessed he snoozed and losed (correct my grammar
at your peril!).

This too is a matter of attitude. I know a couple of guys in their late thirties who will out-pull any twenty year old in a bar or club.

Hell, I was in a bar with a couple of friends, both male and female, a couple of weeks back. My wife was with me, but talking to a friend of hers, I was talking to two male friends of mine. All of a sudden a couple of girls came up to us, introduced themselves and started chatting. 'What's your name, what do you do, etc.'

Now, our wives, girlfriends are of course watching this and are getting progressively more amused. I see my wife giving me the thumbs-up, my buddy's girlfriend is laughing so hard she's sliding down the bar.

Anyway, one of the girls asks me if I'd like to have a drink with her and I answer that I'd better go and have one with my wife.


Pause


'You're married?'
'Sure, see the cute blonde over there? She's my wife.'
'OMG, I am so sorry....'
'Nah, that's ok. You're cute too and if I was single I'd love to hang out for the night.'

Attitude, baby.




PS: By attitude I don't mean arrogance. It's about confidence and being happy with yourself. Not being desperate for attention also helps.

[krillbee]

Originally Posted by OreoCookie

Nope, college and university is as easy as it gets. Tons of young people with relatively large freedom. If you don't use the opportunity, you'll miss the easiest way of getting to know other people (not just women).

thats unfortunate, because in 1 month i graduate college. that wont cause me to stop looking once i graduate though.

Being introvert and being insecure are two things. But you can be introverted, because you are insecure.

im introverted because talking to people takes a lot of work. and i prefer talk to people if I know im going to see them more than

Women can interpret these things usually quite alright. They sense lack of experience and the inevitable uneasiness this lack implies.
Lack of social abilities is the second component: if you cannot relate to other persons easily, women (and men) might disqualify you for that reason.

so i guess when im starting out, its going to suck!

Nope, the exact opposite. (I was sarcastic, just in case you've missed it ) I definitely want to have a big family of my own. I love kids. It's a must have quality of any girlfriend of mine.

cool!

Eeeeeh, nope. Humans are a social animal. There is nothing that replaces a relationship for most people. This does not mean they give up their self-reliance and the capability to be on their own. But it means we are made for relationships and need that to be happy to a certain degree.
However, a relationship won't make a miserable person happy.
I'm independent, single, but I know I'd be happier in a relationship. I'm not unhappy nor do I depend on a relationship to function.

interesting, i know a lot of people who'd disagree with the idea that a relationship is needed to be happy.

Then GET OUT. Every student has the same workload than you. There are also good students with a social life. If you keep using that as an excuse, then your life will continue as it is now. Period.

No, I'm way more social in the summertime, as has been proven previously. school definately does have an impact on me. i look forward to graduation.

[Chuckit]

I know a lot of people who would argue that you don't need human companionship to be happy, but strangely none of them are happy.

[Todd Madson]

Yep, attitude. My wife jokingly referred to one of my co-workers as my
"work wife" because it was obvious she was enamored with me.

It happens more often than you'd think. I suppose seeing a ring on
the finger might give the impression: married = harmless but not
from some of the people I've spoken with.

[OreoCookie]

Originally Posted by Takero_san

hhmmm....maybe stayin single is better than anythin afterall......cos once when u get hurt..badly....u dont realise how much damage it could do....been there and is still tryin to recover after months...i wish i never fell in love in the fits place

Ay come on, with that attitude, you'll never really attach to anyone. And you'll stay lonely even in a relationship. Getting in a relationship means risking getting hurt. Period.

[OreoCookie]

Originally Posted by krillbee

im introverted because talking to people takes a lot of work. and i prefer talk to people if I know im going to see them more than

Then you're lazy, not introverted

Originally Posted by krillbee

interesting, i know a lot of people who'd disagree with the idea that a relationship is needed to be happy.

I didn't say that. I am happy without a relationship, but I'd prefer being in a relationship. It's like being happy with the car you drive, although if you had the choice, you'd still get a different one. I don't need a relationship to be happy, but I'd be happier in a relationship. Major difference. I'm not strolling around, needy and all, I have time.

[Todd Madson]

Takero_san: don't do what I did after a pretty important relationship blew up in my
face: Instead of moving on I brooded about it for about half a decade before I could
pull my head out of my own butt. It was just wasted time. Move on, you can do it.

[rm199]

I think this can be easily solved if you recognise the true issue at hand.

Rather than twist and turn over such trivial matters such as 'will she/wont she' how about consider other critical things like:

1. MBP vs iMac
2. High Def Porn
3. The lower TCO of a new mac vs a new girlfriend

Once your mind is where it should be, and that is thinking about macs, you might have time to ponder:

4. Does the Alex bird in Half Life 2 look sexier via Boot Camp or native PC.

[tavilach]

http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Wanki...ter#1145116142



No, but seriously, this thread is great. I'm in a similar situation as krillbee, minus 2 or 3 years, so I'm learning a lot form the responses.