[rickey939]

http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/m4w/1007823954.html (to be removed soon if not already)



To the woman that crapped in my car… (NE Portland)

We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat…

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,
Tad

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…

Priceless.

[goMac]

I'm not sure I'd become involved with anyone from N Portland, or anyone who would drink a Terminator stout on a first date. That's just asking for trouble.

[ShortcutToMoncton]

Haha that's some quality work right there.

[turtle777]

Brilliant.

-t

[KeyLimePi]

also, but props to brassplayersrock² for mentioning this in a previous thread.

[RAILhead]

Awesome

[NoDiggity]

Hahaha.

[sdilley14]

Hahaha, thats pretty good stuff. Terminator Stout, wow, look out!

[calverson]

THAT is the girl for Besson!

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by calverson 

THAT is the girl for Besson!

Tis true

-t

[rickey939]

Still laughing, just hysterical.

[Jawbone54]

I laughed forever. Thank you so much for posting this.

Question: Who tries to sneak in a fart, while sitting beside someone, in an airtight space...on a first date?

[Shaddim]

I once made a girl laugh so hard she lost control of her bladder, this was also on a first date. She's still with me, so I guess that turned out ok.

[Jawbone54]

Originally Posted by Shaddim 

I once made a girl laugh so hard she lost control of her bladder, this was also on a first date. She's still with me, so I guess that turned out ok.

If you can't love someone who makes you laugh so hard that you pee yourself, then you're a cold, cold robot.

Have you made her pee since?

[calverson]

Did it go far?

A couple that I am friends with openly admit to giving each other Golden Showers... I personally find it gross.

[Jawbone54]

Originally Posted by calverson 

A couple that I am friends with openly admit to giving each other Golden Showers... I personally find it gross.

I don't understand people. That's just disgusting.

[Laminar]

My girlfriend promised me she'd never pee on me.
to my dismay

[Dakar V]

Originally Posted by Jawbone54 

If you can't love someone who makes you laugh so hard that you pee yourself, then you're a cold, cold robot.

Have you made her pee since?

Yes, but now it comes paired with burning.
I keed, Shaddim, don't get grumpy on me.

[calverson]

Originally Posted by Laminar 

My girlfriend promised me she'd never pee on me.
[color="white"]to my dismay[/color

I have never had to make my girlfriend make that promise.

[rickey939]

Originally Posted by Laminar 

My girlfriend promised me she'd never pee on me.
to my dismay

Did you promise anything in return?

[Laminar]

Originally Posted by calverson 

I have never had to make my girlfriend make that promise.

...in the long, extensive three whole weeks that you've been dating her. It will come.

[Railroader]

MY wife promised me that she'd never pee on also.

Until we saw on Survivor when that guy stepped on a sea urchin. Then I made her promise me that if I stepped on a sea urchin that she would pee on me. She reluctantly agreed, but said I was not allowed to pee on her ever.

[calverson]

Originally Posted by Laminar 

...in the long, extensive three whole weeks that you've been dating her. It will come.

You've been counting?

[Laminar]

Originally Posted by calverson 

You've been counting?

I remember every single thing I read, unless it's required for school or work. I wish I was joking.

[brassplayersrock²]

Originally Posted by KeyLimePi 

also, but props to brassplayersrock² for mentioning this in a previous thread.

thank you thank you. i didn't feel like searching for it

still a very funny listing.

[rickey939]

Originally Posted by brassplayersrock² 

thank you thank you. i didn't feel like searching for it

still a very funny listing.

My presentation was so much better....which this brilliant writing deserved.

[brassplayersrock²]

this is true, and thank you for making a clip of it. it is now flagged for removal.

[Shaddim]

Originally Posted by Jawbone54 

If you can't love someone who makes you laugh so hard that you pee yourself, then you're a cold, cold robot.

Have you made her pee since?

Oh yeah, it's the running joke in this house. I have to be careful with too much tickling.

[Shaddim]

Originally Posted by Jawbone54 

I don't understand people. That's just disgusting.

Well, there's always the peeing when you're both in the shower. When you let lose with a stream and yell, "GOTCHA".

[Jawbone54]

Originally Posted by Shaddim 

Oh yeah, it's the running joke in this house. I have to be careful with too much tickling.

My grandma used to pee all over herself when my brother would tell a joke (usually what is referred to in a preacher's household as "family jokes"). She would always try to make it to the bathroom, then stop, and just pee all over the floor wherever her will gave out.

Originally Posted by Shaddim 

Well, there's always the peeing when you're both in the shower. When you let lose with a stream and yell, "GOTCHA".

I'm going on an involuntary starvation diet for a few days.

[Dakar V]

Originally Posted by jawbone54 

'm going on an involuntary starvation diet for a few days.

GOTCHA

***** no caps*

[Shaddim]

Originally Posted by Jawbone54 

I'm going on an involuntary starvation diet for a few days.

You're far too uptight, maybe you should relax a bit.

[freudling]

Disgusting.

[Jawbone54]

Originally Posted by Shaddim 

You're far too uptight, maybe you should relax a bit.

Relax so much that I might...

ahhhhhhhh...

...so warm.
BUT NOT ON EACH OTHER!!!

[Laminar]

The white text should have said "GOTCHA!"

[Laminar]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/stg/990546952.html

This is pretty good.

[rickey939]

Originally Posted by Laminar 

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/stg/990546952.html

This is pretty good.

Normally, I would agree....but compared to the other one, it just sucks.