[Mrjinglesusa]

I'd never seen this before - pretty funny!

Dear Red States,

If you decide to steal this election too, we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMD's turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 pe rcent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of South Carolina. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

Just trying to add a little humor to the upcoming election, don't get your panties in a wad. Awaiting the posts that will question the statistics cited in this political satire.

[Shaddim]

Actually, we get Vanderbilt. It's 10x the university that Harvard will ever be.

[TheWOAT]

Who gets the higher taxes?

[goMac]

Originally Posted by TheWOAT 

Who gets the higher taxes?

I'd assume the red states, in since the blue states wouldn't have to pay for all the health care problems, giant walls, wars overseas..

[Doofy]

Wait. Amaraka has cheese?

[kobi]

That is too funny. Thanks for posting. It's going into a email right now.

[TheWOAT]

Its a known fact that Blue states consist of 100% pure, choice, Grade AAA, responsible voting Democrats.

[besson3c]

There's cheese in Wisconsin. That's all those guys ever eat and talk about.

[Chuckit]

Actually, California is traditionally Republican in state politics. 15 of the 20 governors since 1900 have been Republicans, and one of the remaining five was a Progressive (i.e., a Teddy Roosevelt Republican). It's just in national elections that the state goes to the Democrats.

[CRASH HARDDRIVE]

Oh don't bring facts into any of this, Chuckit. People like thier little 'Red State/Blue State' US vs THEM simplistic fantasies where everyone has the same hive-mind they do.

It's been pointed out countless times- we really have 'purple' states with a large share of conservatives/liberals/Republicans/Democrats in each.

[Gee-Man]

4 years ago, I would have found this hilarious. Now, even as a proud liberal who is supposed to be the target of this kind of humor, I've grown tired of this red state/blue state thing every 4 years. I'd for once like to move past this and see us recognize our commonalities, rather than our differences. Even if half of the statistics in this piece are actually true, it makes me want even more for all the states to share in our common success, not just the blue ones.

I'm not being sarcastic here. I know it's just a joke, so I'm not offended, just fatigued.

I have no problems bashing conservatives when necessary, and I'll be genuinely thrilled for "my side" if/when Obama wins, but I think the breaking point for me on this red state/blue state stuff was that stupid "red county map" thing that conservatives were gloating over just after Kerry lost 4 years ago, trying to prove to themselves that the whole country was just like them, when the reality is like Crash said, it's a "purple" country, not fully red or blue.

[Rumor]

Is it purple from the beating taken the last few years?

[Arkham_c]

Psh, we'll see who's red and who's blue tonight.

[villalobos]

Originally Posted by Doofy 

Wait. Amaraka has cheese?

"cheese products"

[besson3c]

Originally Posted by CRASH HARDDRIVE 

Oh don't bring facts into any of this, Chuckit. People like thier little 'Red State/Blue State' US vs THEM simplistic fantasies where everyone has the same hive-mind they do.

It's been pointed out countless times- we really have 'purple' states with a large share of conservatives/liberals/Republicans/Democrats in each.

Exactly, and the individual people living in these states are usually not red or blue either, but some shade of purple.

This is why at some point arguing political philosophy to death at the expense of actually finding common ground and getting stuff done is so counter productive. For instance, like Obama says well (to paraphrase), instead of the argument being solely about whether government should be big or small, maybe we should improve the government that we have now. Instead of debating the scientific or moral definition of when life begins, perhaps we should try to prevent unwanted pregnancies, etc.

[Wiskedjak]

Originally Posted by Chuckit 

Actually, California is traditionally Republican in state politics. 15 of the 20 governors since 1900 have been Republicans, and one of the remaining five was a Progressive (i.e., a Teddy Roosevelt Republican). It's just in national elections that the state goes to the Democrats.

I've always been curious about why California tends to go Republican locally and Democrat nationally. Do they typically select moderate governors like Arnold?

[Wiskedjak]

Originally Posted by CRASH HARDDRIVE 

People like thier little 'Red State/Blue State' US vs THEM simplistic fantasies where everyone has the same hive-mind they do.

You mean like this concept of "Real America"?

[CRASH HARDDRIVE]

Originally Posted by Wiskedjak 

You mean like this concept of "Real America"?

Vs. what? Imaginary America?

[CRASH HARDDRIVE]

Originally Posted by besson3c 

instead of the argument being solely about whether government should be big or small, maybe we should improve the government that we have now.

That sounds nice, sort of- except it's pretty hollow if you're whole platform involves making it bigger. People are going to disagree with you.

Instead of debating the scientific or moral definition of when life begins, perhaps we should try to prevent unwanted pregnancies, etc.

Sorry, but starting just about anything with "Instead of debating..." sounds like an instant fail. People will debate any and every issue so long as they are free to have ideas that differ from others.

Abstinence and abortion both prevent unwanted pregnancies. The debate is more about which is more effective. Personally, I believe in a mixture of both, as the individual situation requires it.

[Wiskedjak]

Originally Posted by CRASH HARDDRIVE 

Vs. what? Imaginary America?

I think vs. "anti-America". I don't understand it either, but you'll have to ask Sarah Palin if you want any clarity on it.

[SirCastor]

Amusing, and a bit of fun

Actually, as soon as I started to read it, It reminded me of this (in which it may have been inspired, or just coincidental.)

Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union (please refer to the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848).

We Texans love y'all, but we'll have to take action if Kerry wins as president over Bush. We'll miss you too.

Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to the results. After seeing the whiners along the campaign route, the folks from Texas are considering taking matters into our own hands.

Here is our solution:

#1: Let John Kerry become President of the United tates. (all 49 states.)

#2: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic Of Texas. So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?

1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. (we will control the space industry.)

2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.

3. Defense Industry. (we have over 65% of it) The term "Don't mess with Texas," will take on a whole new meaning.

4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.

5. Natural Gas - Again we have all we need and it's too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm....

6. Computer Industry - we currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, Etc, Etc. The list goes on and on.

7. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for Cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world and other large health planning centers.

8. We have enough colleges to keep us going: UT Texas, A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University, Ivy grows better in the south anyway

9. We have a ready supply of workers. (just open the border when we need some more)

10. We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.

12. We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables and lets not forget seafood from the gulf. And everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food.

This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic Of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.

Now to the rest of the United States under President Kerry:

Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9 mile per gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.

You won't have any TV as the space center in Houston will cut off your communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes but since Mr. Kerry has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.

Signed, The People of Texas

Have a nice day!

As the above, this is just satire, and the pointing of fingers doesn't really need to take place.