[Y3a]

When you are in a relationship with someone, especially living with them, what are your expectations???

As a guy, I just want her to be honest, give some effort, have some understanding, and not expect everything to be handed to her ASAP (New furniture, new clothes, trips, jewelry etc) Unfortunately I have a "High Maintenance" woman.

[nredman]

thats why i never got involved with high maintenance women, they are good for "some" things. my wife is very low maintenance, one of the many reasons i married her. your expectations are are by no means high, kick her ass to the curb if she wants all this new stuff. just my opinion.

[OreoCookie]

Be careful. My uncle had one of them. She divorced when he was in a financial crisis (sh!t happens when you run your own business sometimes). An affection for bling bling is fine as long as she got her priorities straight.

What does she do for you in return?

[ghporter]

The best thing to do is communicate before you get to the "living with" stage of the relationship-WAY before then! That way you find out what their expectations are, let them know what yours are, and you can either decide that works or both cut your losses. Getting into any relationship without real communication is a recipe for trouble and heartache.

Further, "high maintenance" is a very relative term. Is she fond of spending too much money on facials and manicures, or does "high maintenance" mean that she expects you to pay attention to her? It's a very flexible term.

[historylme]

However, "high maintenance" women tend to be more demanding than the average girls. If she is into $$ than I say, save yourself the trouble.

Although, if you love her, than communicate your priorities and hear hers. If there are things that can't be compromised than it's best you begin to move on.

[nerd]

I just want a girl that treats me good. I think a lot of girls treat their guys like crap and are generally unhappy. I tried to butter this statement up but I couldn't come up with something good. Maybe it's just because my relationship feels this way....

[phantomdragonz]

sex may be good, but being a broke a$$ dude is not worth it...

find a sane girl, they exist (apparently, I am still searching)

Zach

[Doofy]

How to deal with girlfriendzillas:

When she's whining for you to buy something for her which you can't afford, say "We can't afford that, now shut your whiney pie hole", then smile, then say "so come here and give me a cuddle instead".

If she's worth it she'll come for a cuddle.
If she needs dumping it'll become apparent.

Most girlfriendzillas become reasonable if you set the boundaries and take hold of the reigns - they just need a little guidance (remember, she was probably like this with her dad and probably needs the same kind of firm hand in adult life). You're the bloke, so wear the trousers.

[Pendergast]

Hmmm..

Women requiring maintenance?

Not for me.

Equal partners is the way to go and do not expect any bling-bling from me; I really prefer focus on good times together.

[effgee]

Originally Posted by Y3a

... Unfortunately I have a "High Maintenance" woman.

My expectations are:

• honesty
• equality
• intelligence
• sense of humor

in no particular order - to me, they're all equally important

"High maintenance"? Why would you put up with sh!t like this? Are you afraid of being alone? Afraid of not being able to find another woman like her (sans the "parasite" part, of course)? Now, there's nothing wrong with expensive gifts - but for one partner to actually expect a gift of a certain monetary value and be disappointed if those expectations aren't fulfilled?

Assuming that there's nothing more to your story than what you've told us here, my advice is: Kick her scrawny butt out on the curb and find yourself a woman who loves you for who you are, not for what you have.

What's she trying to compensate for - her own feelings of inadequacy or your (perceived) shortcomings?

[Y3a]

We "USED" to be friends/work buddies. She moved away. Later while visiting folk back home, asked me out for her birthday(dec 31) We had a high attraction for each other, and I traveled 2 hours to see her for a weekend and she would do the same. She got me to sell my townhouse and get a bigger place with a yard for teh dog, and I helped her move her stuff into 'our' place. she had quit her job so I gave her $3K/month so she would have money. Dec, Jan Feb she looked for work. Found it in early march. Hated the job and quit in early July. I gave her $2K in july. My consulting contract ended april 1 so I've been geting new certifications(ACN) and getting my consulting business started again. She didn't want me to have anything to do with my friends or business partners, but DID want me to work for some big company. she also stated that teh job had to have a certian pay expectation. She "must" have her hair done once a week, and tinted once a month. she 'must' have the 'right' face powder. She 'expects' that I be very attentive to her needs, and I was not even supposed to invite my friends to our house after we moved in together because the furniture didn't match. She said Men aren't supposed to have any real say about decorating the inside anyway. So... 3 grand for the kingsize foam mattress, platform and of course DKNY sheets. This is so her 70 lb dog can sleep on the bed in-between us every night. sex has been almost non-existant because if we lock the dog out of the BR she whines. Nothing has happened after we go to bed due to the dog. We've been fighting(actually she gave me an utimatum) and since she goes into her office and closes te door, I just get my 50 buck pillow and blanket and sleep on the floor in my office. She says I haven't toucher her and have abandoned her emotions. I have touched her, but she didn't want me to touch her hair, didn't want me to look at her because she felt ugly, etc etc etc. we haven't communicated for 8 days. I have satayed in my office, or out on service calls or visiting friends. She has no close friends and just sends nasy e-mails about me to them. She's throwing gifts I gave her away right now, and I think I may have to go to the courts and heve her removed so she doesn't damage the place. She has also apparently pawned the $5K+ engagement ring, isn't hers.

[Pendergast]

Originally Posted by Y3a

We "USED" to be friends/work buddies. She moved away. Later while visiting folk back home, asked me out for her birthday(dec 31) We had a high attraction for each other, and I traveled 2 hours to see her for a weekend and she would do the same. She got me to sell my townhouse and get a bigger place with a yard for teh dog, and I helped her move her stuff into 'our' place. she had quit her job so I gave her $3K/month so she would have money. Dec, Jan Feb she looked for work. Found it in early march. Hated the job and quit in early July. I gave her $2K in july. My consulting contract ended april 1 so I've been geting new certifications(ACN) and getting my consulting business started again. She didn't want me to have anything to do with my friends or business partners, but DID want me to work for some big company. she also stated that teh job had to have a certian pay expectation. She "must" have her hair done once a week, and tinted once a month. she 'must' have the 'right' face powder. She 'expects' that I be very attentive to her needs, and I was not even supposed to invite my friends to our house after we moved in together because the furniture didn't match. She said Men aren't supposed to have any real say about decorating the inside anyway. So... 3 grand for the kingsize foam mattress, platform and of course DKNY sheets. This is so her 70 lb dog can sleep on the bed in-between us every night. sex has been almost non-existant because if we lock the dog out of the BR she whines. Nothing has happened after we go to bed due to the dog. We've been fighting(actually she gave me an utimatum) and since she goes into her office and closes te door, I just get my 50 buck pillow and blanket and sleep on the floor in my office. She says I haven't toucher her and have abandoned her emotions. I have touched her, but she didn't want me to touch her hair, didn't want me to look at her because she felt ugly, etc etc etc. we haven't communicated for 8 days. I have satayed in my office, or out on service calls or visiting friends. She has no close friends and just sends nasy e-mails about me to them. She's throwing gifts I gave her away right now, and I think I may have to go to the courts and heve her removed so she doesn't damage the place. She has also apparently pawned the $5K+ engagement ring, isn't hers.

Sounds like happiness have left your home a while ago.

Sorry for you.

Make sure that whatever you do, you don't put yourself in more trouble. Better end this peacefully from your end, and let her be with her issues than turning this situation any uglier.

Wish you my best, sincerily.

[effgee]

Originally Posted by Y3a

We "USED" to be friends/work buddies. ...

A paragraph here or there would have made reading your post a lot easier ...



But seriously, that is quite the sad story. My advice remains the same - get yourself out of this mess before you have to suffer even more, regardless of how you feel about her. Judging from your description of the situation, things are unlikely to improve - and if I were you, I'd try to save myself as much emotional and (even though a secondary concern) financial distress as possible.

"Better an end with horror than horror without end"
(badly translated German proverb)

I'm also inclined to stick with my previous "analysis" - the woman is trying to compensate for something, feelings of inadequacy about herself and/or shortcomings she sees in you (probably a combination of both).

Run for the hills + good luck!

[Warung]

Originally Posted by Y3a

When you are in a relationship with someone, especially living with them, what are your expectations???

1. Honesty

2. Enjoy sex

3. 100% commited to me

4. Caring

5. Pull their own weight (I don't believe in "buying" affection)

[Y3a]

UPDATE -
this morning she starts throwing gifts I had given her out of her office down the hall and throws the kitchen trash into the hallway and then busts into my office and throws a big pile of potporri all over my floor, and then starts screaming at me, saying she hates me for what I did to her etc, and then starts slapping me and trying to kick me. I call 911. The sherriffs come out and tell us to knock it off, I have to leave while she gets ready and she will be gone "the rest of the day" whatever THAT IS??? I guess I will NEED that lawyer ASAP. I wonder since she's not renting but technically a house guest how soon I can get her out? I don't want to be unfair or a jerk, even though to hear her tell it she was perfect and I was a monster. I laugh thinking that I have all her emails to me describing the engagement ring she wanted, I got it for her, and now she wants to claim it was a gift only and 'got rid of it' I also copied all the emails to an archive so if she DOES ruin my G5 I'll still have the evidence. I hate having to be a jerk, but the screaming, and tantrums and saying it's her house is the final red flag! I hate my life.

[effgee]

First off - IANAL

But - if you guys aren't married and her name isn't on the lease/mortgage - why would you need a lawyer? And yeah, arguing is normal, so is yelling - sh!t happens. People say and do truly stupid things from time to time. But getting physical with each other - regardless of who attacks who - is where I would draw the line. Sort of like - you raise your hand, you get to move out that same day - no questions asked, no further explanations necessary.

If I was in your shoes, I'd wait for her to come home tonight and offer her two (2!) alternatives on how to proceed:

1. She behaves like a human being and moves out by Wed. - that way she has a few days to make different living arrangements.
2. She continues to behave the way she did this morning and she'll move out tonight, with whatever possessions (of hers - not yours!) she can carry in her luggage.

And that's that.

[jcadam]

Originally Posted by Y3a

UPDATE -
....and then starts slapping me and trying to kick me.

I would have _seriously_ knocked her on her a$$.

[Pendergast]

Originally Posted by Y3a

UPDATE - I hate my life.

You don't hate your life. You hate the life you have with that woman.

Big difference. Stop blaming yourself and act about it; leave, or have her leave. See a lawyer, get support. If she hits you, call the cops on her for assault.

If you are the one making the call (do not EVER hit her or yell, or call her name), the cops usually go along with the plaintiff. Anyway, call a lawyer.

Make sure to document any conflict situation with her on paper, with dates, times, witnesses. Keep it safe out ofd the home. This could be used as proof later on.

[Hash]

Judging from my own experience, this can really be a horror without an end. Apparently, you still have some sort of affection for her. There are no solutions, imho, at least until one of you gives up. Get the dog out of your bedroom if possible, at least, even if she whines, tell her you have allergy or something like that. You have to set up some guidelines for your life, both for you and her, and have her share em, otherwise, its meaningless to live together - it will be constant fight. And, lastly, wish you good luck, really. It can be terrible, I know.

[wallinbl]

Change the locks, tell her she's gone, and that she can have access to her belongings at a mutually agreeable time when you can have witnesses present. If you own the place and her name isn't on anything, she has no right to enter the property. She can stay in a hotel until she finds her own place.

I'm serious. She sounds nuts, and as soon as you give her the word that she's out, she'll be even nuttier. Don't let her stay a few days. You'll end up with broken or stolen belongings.

[wdlove]

Sex is important, but it isn't what keeps a marriage going in the long run. There needs to be love and mutual respect of each. Trying to go more than halfway. I think that a strong faith and relationship with Jesu Christ is also important. It faith that can span over the rough spots.

[jcadam]

Dude, she's a psycho-hose beast. And you're bitching about a dog not allowing you to have sex?? Try three kids all under the age of 5, in 6 years of marriage (yes, I am in that situation with my wife). We manage to have sex several times a week still.

I mean seriously, I would fsck my woman with a dog in the room watching us.

And, OMG, she threw the kitchen trash on the floor? Please tell me you made her clean it up

[effgee]

Originally Posted by wallinbl

... as soon as you give her the word that she's out, she'll be even nuttier. Don't let her stay a few days. You'll end up with broken or stolen belongings.

I've never experienced anyone that nutty - but then again, I've also never had a gf who would throw the kitchen trash in the hallway ...

The man has a point, methinks - letting her stay might not be a good idea after all.

[wallinbl]

Originally Posted by jcadam

I mean seriously, I would fsck my woman with a dog in the room watching us.

It's always nice when the dog licks your feet.

[Y3a]

The few times we tried kissing on the couch, the dog was up on the couch and licking our faces. the former GF laughs "Kisses for everybody" to the dog.

I "live" in Virginia, and their may be "common law" problems. I can evict her according to the Sherriff, so tommorrow, I'm the bad guy. Go to the courthhouse and file for eviction, cut off her cell phone, and talk with a lawyer about how to do the rest of the stuff without mess. I think her best bet would be to go to a storage place and rent a space. then move her stuff in there and move in with her mom for a few weeks. She won't I bet, and will play games. I had to call the Sherriff to find out why she was back. Seems she lied to the Sherrif about having any family in the area-she does. she also said that we had been living together over a year, but's it's only 9 months so far. So the Sherriff knows she lied to them.

<< I would fsck my woman with a dog in the room >>

We used to, but she changed alot when we moved in together. Maybe she's been listening to her dog talk to her!?

[James L]

Dude,

Get her out.... big time. It is worth it, no matter what crap you need to deal with. If it is your house, without her on the deed, then just do it and be done with it. Just do it now, and deal with the repercussions as they come. Pack all her crap, move it out to a storage locker with 1 ONE month rent on it (it is her problem after that), and work on the rest with a lawyer as you need too (can you move assets to a family member, or your company, or a friend, or?).

Change the locks. Change the alarm code. Install an alarm if you need too. Be the one to document any harassment, and be the one to file for a restraining order (don't give her any opportunity to do something like that) if you need it.

Do NOT return phone calls. Save any answering machine messages, voice mail messages, emails, etc. They are all ammo down the road if you need it.

Document all the money you have given her over time.

Good luck.

[production_coordinator]

Cook, clean, laundry and make sure my beer topped off.

But seriously... honesty, financial responsibility, mutual respect, open dialog and a sense of humor.

[historylme]

Dude, get her out. No women is worth that sh!t.

[FulcrumPilot]

Y3a, marrying a rich woman will make you happier with the present one.

[Hawkeye_a]

Ugh drama. i hate it and avoid it all costs.

[von Wrangell]

Originally Posted by jcadam

I would have _seriously_ knocked her on her a$$.

You never lay a hand on a woman. There is never any need to do it. Never.

Y3a - hope everything goes well in the end for you.


What I expect in a relationship is simple.

1. Love.
2. Respect.
3. Honesty.
4. Friendship.

[PB2K]

never say never

[von Wrangell]

Originally Posted by PB2K

never say never

[wallinbl]

Originally Posted by von Wrangell

You never lay a hand on a woman. There is never any need to do it. Never.

A while back, there was a news story about Randy Moss getting into a "domestic dispute" with his girlfriend. Don't remember what he did to her, but she hit him in the head with a frying pan. I remember enjoying the news, because he comes off as a guy that deserves a good whack.

[Link]

A woman who doesn't fall into the

"ugh, yeah that's just how men are"

stereotype cast on all sorts of sitcoms and such today that rag on the "he doesn't get it he's a guy" thing..

[jcadam]

Originally Posted by von Wrangell

You never lay a hand on a woman. There is never any need to do it. Never.

Y3a - hope everything goes well in the end for you.


What I expect in a relationship is simple.

1. Love.
2. Respect.
3. Honesty.
4. Friendship.

Thank you Mr. Chivalry. But when a woman has lost control of herself and is clawing/slapping/kicking wildly at you, there is a need. It is absolutely NOT acceptable for a woman to lash out at a man like that.

And, I have had an angry woman slap me once because she was pissed. I didn't hit her back, it wasn't a crazy-b!tch-flailing-limbs-at-your-face affair. It did result in a shouting match followed by semi-angry make-up sex, however.

[von Wrangell]

Originally Posted by jcadam

Thank you Mr. Chivalry. But when a woman has lost control of herself and is clawing/slapping/kicking wildly at you, there is a need. It is absolutely NOT acceptable for a woman to lash out at a man like that.

Well, it depends on what you and I mean by laying a hand on a woman. IMO it's OK to restrain a woman attacking you (basically just hold her down 'til she's calm) but never push or hit. If you meant it like that I apologise for my comments.

And, I have had an angry woman slap me once because she was pissed. I didn't hit her back, it wasn't a crazy-b!tch-flailing-limbs-at-your-face affair. It did result in a shouting match followed by semi-angry make-up sex, however.

Best there is. Always try to have a heated argument at least once a month.

[OreoCookie]

Originally Posted by von Wrangell

Best there is. Always try to have a heated argument at least once a month.

Well, mother nature usually takes care of that
But seriously, just once a month?

[von Wrangell]

Originally Posted by OreoCookie

Well, mother nature usually takes care of that
But seriously, just once a month?

True, but unfortunately that isn't exactly the best time for it

:curses the fact that my fiancee is only home about 8 days a month:

[OreoCookie]

Originally Posted by von Wrangell

True, but unfortunately that isn't exactly the best time for it

:curses the fact that my fiancee is only home about 8 days a month:

Damn, you're lucky. Mine lives on another continent

[andi*pandi]

it's messed up, all right. Hope you get your house back. And next time you invite someone into your life, don't feel you have to be handing out 3k left and right. Haircuts don't cost that much! And jobs aren't that hard to come by. Just be glad you found out what this person was really like before you married her.

Women that I know want:

Affection
Respect
Honesty
Shared responsibility for the home (we divide the chores)
Consideration
Friendship
Knowing they're not being taken for granted.

[von Wrangell]

Originally Posted by OreoCookie

Damn, you're lucky. Mine lives on another continent

.

[Shaddim]

Run.


Or, if you want to stay, next time she's away pack up her sh!t and put it in a storage locker. Change the locks, file a report, and get a lawyer. Record everything. I've been in your shoes (never parted with that much $ though), and a clean break is best. Just get her as far away from you as you can, as fast as you can.

[Artful Dodger]

WOW...I hate drama, but I truly emapthize with your situation and hope that she (hellbeast) will be removed from your life permanently.

Maybe try following Saddam's advice. I paraphrase, "You gotta find a good woman. Not too smart, not too dumb. Not too old, not too young. One that can cook and clean.'' (Immediately followed by a spanking gesture.)

As for never striking a woman? I wouldn't, but then I think of John Wayne Bobbit. Oh man, hurts just thinking about. I would have definitely unleashed my ninja skills.