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bstone · May 31, 2005, 10:55 PM

Been chatting on the phone and went on a few dates with a very very lovely, sweet and gentle girl. I truly was feeling something for her. We were moving nice and slow and things felt good, comfortable and *real*.

Then she calls tonight and says, "I see us as a friendship, not as a romance."

Ugggggg. Sorry if I cannot offer more charm or something hugely unique. I'm just a nice, gentle, sweet guy- and I lose every time.

Ghoser777 · May 31, 2005, 10:59 PM

Been there, done that. Join the club and move on - dating sucks. Plus, if you're not an asshole in someway, it's over. Trust me. Go have a beer with the guys and ogle the hotties getting a drunk at a bar.

bstone · May 31, 2005, 11:02 PM

Originally Posted by Ghoser777

Been there, done that. Join the club and move on - dating sucks. Plus, if you're not an asshole in someway, it's over. Trust me. Go have a beer with the guys and ogle the hotties getting a drunk at a bar.

Being an asshole. There is something to that. I'll ask my friends studying psychology. I'm just a silly biologist.

ManOfSteal · May 31, 2005, 11:02 PM

Women.

TheMosco · May 31, 2005, 11:08 PM

Tell me about it, I have had the weirdest relationship with my friend emily.

10:08:56 PM Emily: oh mike...always more than friends but less than lovers!

That was from tonight. She has a bf, and we aren't planning on going out or anything so he has nothing to worry about. Its just a weird relationship. So yeah, girls are tough.

buffalolee · May 31, 2005, 11:22 PM

Originally Posted by TheMosco

Tell me about it, I have had the weirdest relationship with my friend emily.

10:08:56 PM Emily: oh mike...always more than friends but less than lovers!

That was from tonight. She has a bf, and we aren't planning on going out or anything so he has nothing to worry about. Its just a weird relationship. So yeah, girls are tough.

More than friends.....
Less than lovers....

Friends with benefits? It falls in between that line.

historylme · May 31, 2005, 11:32 PM

Do we need to link the other threads as required reading for thins one?

Seriously though, you only have to be an as$ hole for young girls. As they get older, they get tired (most) of being dicked over by the 'bad' seed guys. Once they realized they can't change them, or fail at their attempt for the guy is "not the man" they fell in love with, they settle for the 'nice' guy.

Go out with older women, they appreciate the attention that a nice guy gives to them. I'm currently seeing a girl seven years younger... I sometimes decline myself into not calling her, so she calls me (establishing a pattern... nah, she calls me all the time anyway).

Good luck to you, understand the type, age and perspective of the girl you're going out with... and then play the guy she goes after (that's only if you're up doing that, otherwise, be yourself, you're bound to meet someone... if you want more than a quick laid).

Or don't give a **** about them and they'll be throwing themselves to you.

E's Lil Theorem · May 31, 2005, 11:58 PM

All I can say is keep trying. It's quite the feeling when you find that which you're looking for, you know, when you find someone who's on the same page as you. Just keep it at

Originally Posted by ManOfSteal

Women.

"What can you say? Who made 'em? God must have been a ****in' genius. The hair... They say the hair is everything, you know. Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls... just wanted to go to sleep forever? Or lips... and when they touched, yours were like... that first swallow of wine... after you just crossed the desert. Tits. Hoo-hah! Big ones, little ones, nipples staring right out at ya, like secret searchlights. Mmm. Legs. I don't care if they're Greek columns... or secondhand Steinways. What's between 'em... passport to heaven.... there's only two syllables in this whole wide world worth hearing: pussy. Hah!"

bstone · Jun 1, 2005, 12:14 AM

Originally Posted by history1me

Seriously though, you only have to be an as$ hole for young girls. As they get older, they get tired (most) of being dicked over by the 'bad' seed guys. Once they realized they can't change them, or fail at their attempt for the guy is "not the man" they fell in love with, they settle for the 'nice' guy.

Weird thing is, she's 3 years older than I (she's 28) and even said she's just looking for a nice guy.

Good luck to you, understand the type, age and perspective of the girl you're going out with... and then play the guy she goes after (that's only if you're up doing that, otherwise, be yourself, you're bound to meet someone... if you want more than a quick laid).

Interesting. Thought I was doing that. Guess not. I could care less about getting laid. I just want to find a nice girl.

Or don't give a **** about them and they'll be throwing themselves to you.

Can we PLEASE have a psycologist chime in on this. WHY THE HELL IS THIS THE CASE?! Someone with a BA in psycology need not apply. I mean someone with graduate work under the belts.

historylme · Jun 1, 2005, 12:25 AM

Originally Posted by E's Lil Theorem

All I can say is keep trying. It's quite the feeling when you find that which you're looking for, you know, when you find someone who's on the same page as you. Just keep it at

"What can you say? Who made 'em? God must have been a ****in' genius. The hair... They say the hair is everything, you know. Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls... just wanted to go to sleep forever? Or lips... and when they touched, yours were like... that first swallow of wine... after you just crossed the desert. Tits. Hoo-hah! Big ones, little ones, nipples staring right out at ya, like secret searchlights. Mmm. Legs. I don't care if they're Greek columns... or secondhand Steinways. What's between 'em... passport to heaven.... there's only two syllables in this whole wide world worth hearing: pussy. Hah!"

With the "Ladder theory," the "Intellectual Whore" and now your last post... what can I say, the links/post ROCK! I agree completely.

Just like thisguy (for those of you that understand Spanish).

In short, it's all about women, adding to what E posted. We do it all for the nukie.

historylme · Jun 1, 2005, 12:45 AM

Originally Posted by bstone

Can we PLEASE have a psycologist chime in on this. WHY THE HELL IS THIS THE CASE?! Someone with a BA in psycology need not apply. I mean someone with graduate work under the belts.

Here's my theory on this [Although I don't have a psychology degree, I do have an MA in History, thus I am qualified to BS people on forums... no wait, I don't need the degree for that at all.

Anyway, here is my theory: It's all about the challenge. Think about it, women have guys offering dick to them all the time referencing Chris Rock*. Almost every guy they meet, if they are "do able," in the back of their minds imagines "doing" the girl.

Girls get hit on ALL THE TIME. All the nice guys fall in line of all these other guys hitting on them. Thus, women become indifferent to just another guy paying her compliments. Now, take this with a grain of salt and there are a multitude of great women that will see your "true self" and love you for it.

However, this is rare and you will most likely run into the former. This type of women want the challenge of obtaining the furthest fruit. They guys that are all ways hanging around are their in case of emergencies, but what they really want is the one that is not paying attention to them... for that is where their human puzzle solving mind comes into play. They want the challenge because it makes that much more sweeter when they get the price.

The price being the "guy" that ignores them and not sex. For us, it's all about getting the girl for the sex, but, I'm assuming, that for them, sex is a byproduct of getting the guy. They can have sex any time they want, that's easy for them. Having sex with the guy that seems to be a challenge, who is indifferent to them, or doesn't not want to bed them when they meet... that is the really goal.

More grains of salt: All the **** that I have said, sometimes has backfired on me (a few times). Use it as a general rule of thumb.

ASIMO · Jun 1, 2005, 12:55 AM

Originally Posted by bstone

...
... I could [not] care less about getting laid....
....

I realize that you are tender and emotional right now, but let us not get carried away with rhetoric. Keep yourself well grounded in reality, young man. Now go out there and score one for our side.

jasonsRX7 · Jun 1, 2005, 01:03 AM

Originally Posted by bstone

even said she's just looking for a nice guy.

Ha, well you don't think she'd say "I'm looking for a jerk" do you?

Originally Posted by bstone

have a psycologist chime in on this. WHY THE HELL IS THIS THE CASE?! Someone with a BA in psycology need not apply. I mean someone with graduate work under the belts.

Why do you need a psychologist? Aren't you the same way in a sense? If someone (or something) is always readily available and easy to get, do you really feel the need to pay it much attention? It's not just relationships that are like that. People desire things that are evasive, rare, and unique.

I don't know what you did or didn't do in this situation, but there are a lot of different ways to define "nice guy". Maybe you think calling every day to ask her about her day is being a "nice guy" but it's also smothering. Maybe you told her that you don't care about getting laid, because you thought it would make you appear more sensitive and caring. Well, I think you do care about getting laid and I'll bet she does, too. That doesn't mean it can't be meaningful and intimate, but you still eventually want to knock boots or you wouldn't care about it being a romantic relationship.

Being a nice guy is just fine, but it doesn't have to mean being timid, unsure, overly cautious and smothering. You wouldn't find those qualities attractive in a woman, and they won't find them attractive in you.

Rev-O · Jun 1, 2005, 01:08 AM

Originally Posted by TheMosco

<snip>
always more than friends but less than lovers!
<snip>

Man, that sucks. (Rev-O holds thumb and forefinger a scant half inch apart) You're this close, but just not there. Freakin' no mans land. What a bite.

historylme · Jun 1, 2005, 01:14 AM

To help you on your way, from some magazine I forgot where, but when you get back on the dating horse. Start things right!

1. Get Up and Dance. Whether you’re the belle of the ball or have two left feet, dancing is a great way to get close, have fun, and check for chemistry. Many ballrooms and other dance facilities sponsor group lessons before the real dancing begins to help people who are rusty get back in the swing of things or learn a few new steps.

2. Spread a Blanket. Nothing is more romantic than a picnic in a beautiful spot. Make it even more special by shopping together to choose the food and wine that will fill your basket. It’s a great opportunity to share some of your favorite things with someone you’re just getting to know.

3. What Am I Bid? If you support the same causes, attend a charity auction. You’ll have a chance to mingle with other people, which will lessen the first-date pressure, and you’ll be contributing to something you both care about.

4. Get Moving. Maybe you both enjoy tennis or golf, or just like going for long walks. Sharing a physical activity on a first date can help create a bond that may bring you closer together while you stay in shape.

5. Is This Art? Create an artful dating experience by attending a gallery walk or touring a museum. Everyone has an opinion about art, so the conversation is sure to be lively.

6. Cast Off. Rent kayaks, a row boat, or a canoe and set sail on a mini-cruise around a local lake or lagoon. Being on the water will shift your perspective and make it easier for you and your date to navigate any awkward moments.

7. To Market, To Market. Check out a farmers market or flea market in your area. Browsing among the stalls and having so many different things to see and discuss will help keep the conversation flowing.

8. Step Right Up. For something a little different, take in a state or county fair together. You’ll find a wealth of fun things you can do together—from playing the games on the midway to comparing notes about the 4-H projects—and strolling the grounds while you get to know each other will keep things light and lively.

9. Fruit of the Vine. Whether you’re a wine connoisseur or have trouble telling Cabernet from Merlot, visiting a local winery or attending a wine tasting together is a great way to get to know each other while learning something new and sampling one of life’s true pleasures.

10. Literary Interlude. If you both enjoy books, this is a natural idea. Attend a reading at a local bookstore, and then browse the shelves comparing notes about your favorite authors and titles. Follow that up with coffee and dessert, and you’ve got a first date that could be the start of a new life chapter.

BODY CONTACT GOES A LONG WAY... TAKE A DANCE CLASS to have a feel for each other.

ambush · Jun 1, 2005, 01:30 AM

Originally Posted by E's Lil Theorem

All I can say is keep trying. It's quite the feeling when you find that which you're looking for, you know, when you find someone who's on the same page as you. Just keep it at

"What can you say? Who made 'em? God must have been a ****in' genius. The hair... They say the hair is everything, you know. Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls... just wanted to go to sleep forever? Or lips... and when they touched, yours were like... that first swallow of wine... after you just crossed the desert. Tits. Hoo-hah! Big ones, little ones, nipples staring right out at ya, like secret searchlights. Mmm. Legs. I don't care if they're Greek columns... or secondhand Steinways. What's between 'em... passport to heaven.... there's only two syllables in this whole wide world worth hearing: pussy. Hah!"

wut about teh tummiez

Randman · Jun 1, 2005, 01:33 AM

Originally Posted by bstone

We were moving nice and slow and things felt good, comfortable and *real*.

You don't need a psych degree to know that's a friendship. A romance would have some element of sexual/romantic tension, none of which was mentioned in your post.

You also don't need a psych degree to know your solution: Move on.

ambush · Jun 1, 2005, 01:36 AM

Originally Posted by Randman

You don't need a psych degree to know that's a friendship. A romance would have some element of sexual/romantic tension, none of which was mentioned in your post.

You also don't need a psych degree to know your solution: Move on.

you're so harsh!

JohnM15141 · Jun 1, 2005, 01:42 AM

Dude,

You gotta realize it's you but not you! She is attracted to a certain type and you're not that type. You can't change that, and you should absolutely not dwell on it. Just like you are attracted to a certain type(she being one) so is she, however bizarre, you gotta just accept it. You can't change someone into something they're not. Recognizing it will save you a lot of grief. Move on!

You'll find someone else. "There is someone for everyone" is a true adage those who say it isn't true, didn't look hard enough or far enough or are plain just unlucky (and they are far and few between.)

Chuckit · Jun 1, 2005, 01:54 AM

Originally Posted by bstone

Weird thing is, she's 3 years older than I (she's 28) and even said she's just looking for a nice guy.

Oh, boy. Just about every woman I've ever met — both the "good girls" and the bar-crawling sluts — is just looking for a nice guy. And strangely, this nice guy she's looking for doesn't seem to have anything in common with the people she actually describes as "nice guys."

The real question is whether they're lying about looking for a nice guy or about who they think the nice guys are. I'd wager both.

goMac · Jun 1, 2005, 02:00 AM

We should have a sticky thread for girl problems in the lounge.

Warung · Jun 1, 2005, 02:06 AM

Originally Posted by Chuckit

The real question is whether they're lying about looking for a nice guy or about who they think the nice guys are. I'd wager both.

They usually want a smart, just a bit above average looking, wealthy guy who will treat them well (without being predictable and boring).

They are looking for the "romantic macho" (an actual quote from somebody I know). And somehow that all makes sense (to me at least).

SSharon · Jun 1, 2005, 03:00 AM

bstone is a nice guy, good luck with the next one.

E's Lil Theorem · Jun 1, 2005, 03:09 AM

Originally Posted by history1me

With the "Ladder theory," the "Intellectual Whore" and now your last post... what can I say, the links/post ROCK! I agree completely.

Originally Posted by history1me

Just like thisguy (for those of you that understand Spanish).

In short, it's all about women, adding to what E posted. We do it all for the nukie.

Marx said we do everything for money; Freud said we do everything for sex. I tend to side with Freud on this one. Oh, and cool song; a shame I had not heard it before.

Originally Posted by ambush

wut about teh tummiez

Ah, tummies: round ones, soft ones, flat ones or six-pack tummies, there's just something about 'em that I find extremely sexy. But, the tummy of a significant other? That's the good stuff right there.

(Heh, like the previous words I quoted, I'm sure these lines would sound a lot cooler if it were Al Pacino saying them.)

Randman · Jun 1, 2005, 03:22 AM

Originally Posted by SSharon

bstone is a nice guy.

At times, nice guys do finish last. But stick to your guns. Once you find the right person, you'll both know it and the rest of the mating game will seem like it happened to a different person.

brapper · Jun 1, 2005, 03:23 AM

Alright guys, I'm getting tired of this so I'm letting you in on the secret.
Whenever you meet a girl act indifferent towards her for awhile. Not an asshole but like meeting her doesn't affect you in anyway. Say hi and move on, show no more interest in her than any other person.

Then, when you've figured out you may like a girl, then you say something nice to her/ take interest.

She'll remember your earlier indifference and wonder why she is now lucky enough to gain a compliment, ultimately leading her to feel like she's special, and therein lies the key: girls want to feel special.

No matter how much initial attraction you have for her, act indifferent because from there the attention you give her and how you make her feel can only improve.

My suggestion, move on to another girl by way of the method above. Your way too into the friend zone to get out.

RAILhead · Jun 1, 2005, 06:57 AM

Please stop saying gentle.

BoomStick · Jun 1, 2005, 08:54 AM

Looks are everything.

Money is everything.

Women are shallow gold diggers.

Unless you have both, forget about ever getting any.

BlueSky · Jun 1, 2005, 10:54 AM

There is only one thing you need to know about women: They are groupies.

bstone · Jun 1, 2005, 11:05 AM

Originally Posted by RAILhead

Please stop saying gentle.

No.

Randman · Jun 1, 2005, 11:10 AM

Ever hear that opposites attract?

selowitch · Jun 1, 2005, 11:16 AM

Originally Posted by BoomStick

Looks are everything.

Money is everything.

Women are shallow gold diggers.

Unless you have both, forget about ever getting any.

Not true. I'm butt-ugly and penniless, and I've always had very good luck with women and am happily married now. So it's gotta be more than that.

Hawkeye_a · Jun 1, 2005, 12:31 PM

Originally Posted by Rev-O

Man, that sucks. (Rev-O holds thumb and forefinger a scant half inch apart) You're this close, but just not there. Freakin' no mans land. What a bite.

Gack...the infamous friendzone...worse than hell. it's like shrinkwrapping ur dick. eck...wouldnt wish that fate on any man having been there myself.

Advice: go get wasted with your buds. then go out and find another version of her....only better.

TheMosco · Jun 1, 2005, 12:58 PM

Originally Posted by Hawkeye_a

Gack...the infamous friendzone...worse than hell. it's like shrinkwrapping ur dick. eck...wouldnt wish that fate on any man having been there myself.

Its not quite that bad. Its more like we both agree we can't go out, but neither of us want to move on and we both don't want to hear stories about what the other person is doing with other people.

ambush · Jun 1, 2005, 01:02 PM

****, Erik J. at nslog.com managed to find an average looking girl, and he's a complete ugle.

Nothing's impossible.

finboy · Jun 1, 2005, 01:11 PM

Originally Posted by Randman

You also don't need a psych degree to know your solution: Move on.

Word. Friends you got (I hope).

BoomStick · Jun 1, 2005, 01:15 PM

See, I have a great government job, that offers stability and good pay.
I have a nice house in a quiet neighborhood.
I have an airplane.
I'm above average looking.
Not to mention my stellar personality and wit.

I have a hotty for a wife and other women just won't leave me alone.

Someone has to live with this curse so it might as well be me.

historylme · Jun 1, 2005, 01:23 PM

Originally Posted by BoomStick

Someone has to live with this curse so it might as well be me.

Thanks for taking one for the team.

E's Lil Theorem · Jun 1, 2005, 01:24 PM

Originally Posted by BoomStick

See, I have a great government job, that offers stability and good pay.
I have a nice house in a quiet neighborhood.
I have an airplane.
I'm above average looking.
Not to mention my stellar personality and wit.

I have a hotty for a wife and other women just won't leave me alone.

Someone has to live with this curse so it might as well be me.

Taking one for the team, are ya?

Hawkeye_a · Jun 1, 2005, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by BoomStick

Someone has to live with this curse so it might as well be me.

You poor poor man.

If ur wife's free tonight i guess i can help ease ur burdeon...for the right price of course

. j/k

Cheers.

Warung · Jun 1, 2005, 01:42 PM

Originally Posted by BoomStick

I have a hotty for a wife...

pix?

BoomStick · 02:52 PM

snip

historylme · Jun 1, 2005, 01:51 PM

YOU are a brave man for posting pics of your wife.

edit: but nice picture.

BoomStick · Jun 1, 2005, 01:53 PM

It's not my monitor that's gonna get sticky.
Besides I'm the one who gets to do her anyways.

historylme · Jun 1, 2005, 01:56 PM

Hawkeye_a · Jun 1, 2005, 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by BoomStick

It's not my monitor that's gonna get sticky.
Besides I'm the one who gets to do her anyways.

Zimphire · Jun 1, 2005, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by BoomStick

See, I have a great government job, that offers stability and good pay.
I have a nice house in a quiet neighborhood.
I have an airplane.
I'm above average looking.
Not to mention my stellar personality and wit.

I have a hotty for a wife and other women just won't leave me alone.

Someone has to live with this curse so it might as well be me.

Shaddim · Jun 1, 2005, 02:10 PM

Ok, I'll weigh in.

The secret isn't being an ass, the secret is being a man (which can be a bit "assholeish" at times). Just act the same around them as you would around "the guys". This can involve some off-color language, looking at an attractive girl that walks by, not spilling my guts on the first date, etc.. The bottom line is, be assertive, confident, and don't act like you're too interested. What attracts women is a loosely controlled Id wound up in layers of self confidence, for some reason this makes them feel comfortable.

From what I gather, you're a very sensitive type (since you used the words "gentle" and "sweet" so often)... truth be told, by nature I am too. However, over the years I conditioned myself to not let it show when I first meet a woman. It keeps them from automatically placing me in the "friends" column. Also, as you continue to date them, you can let your guard down a bit. It makes them feel like they're breaking through your shell, getting beyond your macho exterior. It gives them a feeling of accomplishment. Because the fact of the matter is, they don't want a man who's in touch with his "inner child", they want a guy who, in their eyes, will be a project... aka. a man.

Warung · Jun 1, 2005, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by BoomStick

image

that's a very cool pic. thx.

Warung · Jun 1, 2005, 02:23 PM

Originally Posted by brapper

Alright guys, I'm getting tired of this so I'm letting you in on the secret...

Wow, that's very interesting. Come to think of it, it reflects my experience almost 100%. I've always thought that something like this was going on, but I could never put my finger on it.