[andreas_g4]

I need to get 15 points (this is an A+), in order to get 14 in the end of the class. We had to write a short essay on the given topic "The computer is no longer a servant, but a master of men."

It would be nice if one might take a short look and post what could be better. I am especially interested in my use of language, since English is not my mother tongue. Thanks for any input.

[Cold Warrior]

huh?

[imitchellg5]

Clearly your paper is perfect and is ready to be turned in.

[andreas_g4]

Yes yes yes, accidentally hit submit…

[Mastrap]

Check your spelling. One of the first things I saw was a spelling mistake - there goes your A+.

Hint: 'Service' is not spelled 'servicve'

Edit: Just found two more errors. Both are sloppiness more than anything else. Also, (sic) is not used in the way you're using it. What is means is that you're quoting verbatim, including something that is erroneous.

For example, if I'd quote from your paper:

A servicve (sic) brought to you by The
English–AC–Times!

[Hash]

Crap. But i did not read it

[andi*pandi]

were you supposed to make it look like a newspapaper?

[tooki]

Originally Posted by andreas_g4 

I need to get 15 points (this is an A+), in order to get 14 in the end of the class. We had to write a short essay on the given topic "The computer is no longer a servant, but a master of men."

It would be nice if one might take a short look and post what could be better. I am especially interested in my use of language, since English is not my mother tongue. Thanks for any input.

It'd be a lot easier to make suggestions if the document were presented in an editable format.

tooki

[Calimus]

Originally Posted by tooki 

It'd be a lot easier to make suggestions if the document were presented in an editable format.

tooki

Pdf has all sorts of markup tools. All office & business document exchanges I have seen use pdf for contract negotiation, collaborative work, etc. Or is the document locked and will not allow comments(did not check this myself)?

[tooki]

I don't have Acrobat Pro, and I hazard that most people here don't.

tooki

[Railroader]

Initial impression:

I don't like the three boxes on the top of the page. It should be just one box to contain all of the text. Seeing three boxes I would expect that the boxes contained different text in each one. It looks sloppy.

[Calimus]

Originally Posted by tooki 

I don't have Acrobat Pro, and I hazard that most people here don't.

tooki

Good point, I've gotten used to it here at the office. Not that I like using it. In general acrobat seems to be bloated garbage, though the PDF format itself works great.

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by tooki 

It'd be a lot easier to make suggestions if the document were presented in an editable format.

tooki

You could make a screen cap of it and photoshop your "red marks" on that for him. But then I'd charge him ~$25/hour to go through the trouble.

[tooki]

Or he could just post a Word file, since Word (which pretty much everyone DOES have) has great markup and change-tracking tools.

tooki

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by tooki 

Or he could just post a Word file, since Word (which pretty much everyone DOES have) has great markup and change-tracking tools.

tooki

Oh yeah... It's amazing how people who ask for help for free are usually the ones who make it the most difficult to help.

[kick52]

it sucks. redo it.


hehe.. havent even looked at it yet..

yeah, its ok. i think i saw a spelling mistake, and at the very end, i think there is 2 commas ",," instead of one.. nevermind

[andreas_g4]

Thanks for the input, especially the spelling mistakes. The reason why I didn't put it up as a text file was that the layout is also part of the grading, and the way everyone presented the hints is perfectly fine. I don't know why InDesign missed the "servicve", though.

I'll review it tomorrow, I've got too much real work currently. Thanks again!

[gbhgbh]

I don't know if you're in the US or not, but we use commas instead of periods for the thousands separator (IBM and Cray won a $500,000,000).

[dcmacdaddy]

Your word choices are odd. The sentence structure is "foreign sounding", and the layout is crap.
(I know English is not your first language but if you want to sound like a native speaker you need to change some things.)

Oh, you are missing a word in your header: "featuring the longest word in [the] English language".

I just whipped up something in Word that might give you some ideas on layout, word usage, and sentence structure. I tried to connect to your iDisk Public folder but it is requiring a password. PM it to me and I will put my sample there.

[KeriVit]

It's a weird paper/commentary. A- at best.

[bstone]

Originally Posted by tooki 

Or he could just post a Word file, since Word (which pretty much everyone DOES have) has great markup and change-tracking tools.

tooki

Not I. I use the OS X port of OpenOffice.

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by tooki 

Or he could just post a Word file, since Word (which pretty much everyone DOES have) has great markup and change-tracking tools.

I've never owned Word.
Don't have a reason to.

[andreas_g4]

Thanks guys, got my paper back. I was able to correct some of the spelling mistakes.

Got my A+ whoohoo.

[ghporter]

It was a risk to present this, but this was a "good surprise" for your prof. It's not always wise to surprise the prof... I'm glad this time turned out to be good.

[KeriVit]

Congrats, I know it's a good feeling.

[andreas_g4]

Thanks guys!

It wasn't too important by itself, but since I SUCK AT MATHS, I need to get as much points in my advanced courses as possible, because they count four times as much as the others. This one did help a lot!