[calverson]

Okay, here is probably the only serious piece of advice that I will give on a forum that does not directly have to do with a computer the MacNN Lounge.

To get your bird, keep the following in mind:

Be funny. Be ridiculously funny. And be confident, if not arrogant.

If you have a flaw, and she points it out, act unaffected by it.

If she makes fun at you for doing something, do it again, and when she laughs at you for doing it, tell her it isn't funny.

Don't put the p*ssy on a pedestal. If she only wants to do something in a few days because she is busy, be okay with that. If she smses you, don't respond for a few hours. Don't return her calls until she calls back again. Don't accept her friend request on myface for a couple days.

Don't show too much emotion, and if she asks if you are single, say yes without saying yes.

Do not talk about your computer.

Act rich. Really rich.

When you get lucky enough to get to that point where you let her touch it, or close too it, hesitate. Make her want you.


Out of my group of friends I am not the best looking dude, but I have had by far the most women. And I don't "settle" either. You can get any women you want by acting the right way, and saying the right things. I usually use the above, unless something is obviously not working. If the goal is sex, I have done all I can for you. If the goal is a relationship, I have no f*cking clue.

And remember, all women are inherently evil and as soon as you start to care, you are dead meat. Or worse... married.

---

I recently replied to a thread with that, and was so satisfied, I thought that I would make my own one. What do y'all (especially Dak) do to get women?

[lexapro]

brilliant.

also, take some of me. that'll help a lot.

[besson3c]

I like to be open about my pooping. I think women appreciate an honest guy who is comfortable with himself and is not self-conscious about this sort of subject matter. We all poop.

[Oisín]

^ You need rewinding; the record’s broken.

What do y'all (especially Dak) do to get women?

Not a damn thing, and they still won’t stop hitting on me.

Must be my rugged masculinity or something.

[subego]

Hitler, he had Eva Braun.
Manson had his Squeaky Fromme.
I wonder what I'm doing wrong?

- Bill Hicks, Chicks Dig Jerks

[KeyLimePi]

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by calverson 

Act rich. Really rich.

I'm gonna correct that:

Originally Posted by calverson 

Act rich. Moderately rich.

The properly rich don't give a toss about much and thus will often walk around looking like complete crap. While the moderately rich may have spent tens of thousands on an upmarket couch, the properly rich will be in something comfy, like that green thing Frasier's dad sits in... With added dog hairs.

[Peter]

Girls schmirls. Just act all british with an arrogant and self-deprecating sense of humour and be smooth at the same time. Knowing poetry helps, learn this one:

When you are old and gray and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

--William Butler Yeats

also learn to tell what the difference is between scotches, always order either gin and tonics or mojitos (go for the extremes) and if you're on a date be slightly brash and make her think "did he just do that!", but not in a psycho way.

Always buy flowers, if you don't you'll have to buy champagne. If you order steak make sure you have it rare (and dont bother unless its sirloin), if there is Fois Gras have that too.

It isnt about being rich or poor, its about class - which explains why british and american girls fall for british guys, and neither fall for american guys. sweeping statement probably wrong

[Peter]

oh and if you're "hitting on women" whatever that is, make sure they're a) "girls" (ie between 18 and 32), b) you're not in a nightclub, c) are vaguely clever.
I was once with a girl who asked if the FT was a funny colour because of "those" dyslexic people.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by Peter 

It isnt about being rich or poor, its about class

...and nothing quite says "class" like a band new F430 F1.

Originally Posted by Peter 

which explains why british and american girls fall for british guys, and neither fall for american guys. sweeping statement probably wrong

Wait. I thought British chicks fell for blokes if (1) they have a penis and (2) have a six pack of Special Brew which they're willing to share?

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by Peter 

oh and if you're "hitting on women" whatever that is, make sure they're a) "girls" (ie between 18 and 32), b) you're not in a nightclub, c) are vaguely clever.
I was once with a girl who asked if the FT was a funny colour because of "those" dyslexic people.

Heh.

Actual personal ad in the Ministry of Sound mag (some years back):

Are you that svelte, intelligent, student girl I met on Friday night at the MoS? Well fsk off! I want a pig thick 16-year-old with massive tits and no opinions whatsoever.

(Or something very, very close)

[Peter]

haha! genius!
never been a fan of massive tits though.

and christ Special Brew tastes like hobo. Have you tried it?

[calverson]

Yeah, I am not so much into massive tits either. I like a handful size, and well rounded.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by Peter 

never been a fan of massive tits though.

I like all tits. Big tits. Small tits. Medium tits. Blue tits.

Originally Posted by Peter 

Special Brew tastes like hobo. Have you tried it?

Yep. Kind of the point in mentioning it.

[ort888]

Not in the face.

[Oisín]

Originally Posted by ort888 

Not in the face.

Depends on the woman.

[Atheist]

I don't understand this thread.

[calverson]

Originally Posted by Atheist 

I don't understand this thread.

I don't understand how you don't understand.

[calverson]

Originally Posted by Peter 

Just act all british with an arrogant and self-deprecating sense of humour and be smooth at the same time.

I was in England a little while ago, and the thing that the girlies liked the most was my "cute" South African accent, my naturally sun-highlighted hair, my tan, and the pics that I showed them of me surfing (when my laptop was readily available). None of which are inherently British.

[Peter]

were you in Essex?

[calverson]

Kent, mostly Royal Tonbridge Wells. Went to Hastings for a bit as well, and to London for a day to go to the art gallery that they have there.

[Peter]

ooh, fancy.
Surfing is the greatest sport on the planet, do you surf regularly?

[calverson]

I used to live in Durban, which is costal, and then yes, very often. Every day. I would wake up at 4:30 in the morning and go for a surf, so that I could be at school at 7:30. It was fantastic.

After moving to Johannesburg, being inland, I don't really. I go down to Durban or Cape Town about once a month, though. I have since started wakeboarding, which is also pretty cool.

[Andrew Stephens]

Originally Posted by calverson 

I was in England a little while ago, and the thing that the girlies liked the most was my "cute" South African accent, my naturally sun-highlighted hair, my tan, and the pics that I showed them of me surfing (when my laptop was readily available). None of which are inherently British.

Funny, when I lived in SA the girls liked MY cute British accent, my pallid complexion, my natural air of superiority and my general air of culture, noe of which is inherently South African.

I even married one of them.

[calverson]

Well, I guess women like exoticness. Where about did you live in SA?

[Andrew Stephens]

Originally Posted by calverson 

Well, I guess women like exoticness. Where about did you live in SA?

In Cape Town. Claremont to be precise. Near Desmonds house. My wife (as is) lived in Rondebosch right next to the cricket ground. Which was nice.

Happy days.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by calverson 

Well, I guess women like exoticness.

This be the truth.

While British slappers hanker after "tall, dark and handsome", your average Brazilian chick hankers after "tall, fair and handsome".

<Insert gene pool social science stuff here>

[43skidoo]

Be tall. Women love tall men. My wife's 5'3" and I'm 6'7". A bit akward at times, but she loves it.

And if you can't be tall, be rich.

[calverson]

I am 6'2". The tallest girl I was ever with was about 5'10, which was perfect. I can't stand having to bend down to hug properly.

[sdilley14]

Calverson pretty much hit the general points...

Be funny

Be interesting

Be the life of the party without going over the top and looking like you're actually trying

Make everything look effortless

If she makes fun of you, join in and poke fun at yourself, then flip it and find something about her to poke fun at.

Be warm and non threatening.

Don't hover around her or stand too close right away.

Don't offer to buy her a drink right away or at all if you can help it. Try getting her to buy YOU a drink instead.

Engage her friends (at times show them more attention than you're showing her). Make her wonder why every other guy usually stares at her but you won't hardly give her the time of day.

Don't let her get anything easily from you (a drink, a hug, a kiss), let her know she has to work a little bit for it.

Approach immediately before you talk yourself out of it (3 second rule).

Ask her her name but don't tell her yours until she asks you (make her dig for info about you).

Don't approach her from behind making her turn around 180 degrees (come in at an open angle).

Be witty, sarcastic, and a tad arrogant.

Do everything you can to not be like the 100 guys before you that tried talking to that girl but crashed and burned because they all had the same stale routine she's not interested in.

Have a few solid pick up lines (not the dumb **** "it must have hurt when you fell from heaven" junk.)

Make yourself look like you're in demand and you can't give her all of your time right away (you gotta go back by your friends, you're heading to another bar, etc.).

Don't ask her for her number, tell her to put her number in your phone. ("Hey, I'm heading over to X Bar. Put your number in my phone, I'll call you right now so you have my number, and you can give me a hollar later on. It'll be a god time.")

Tell her she looks bored and you wanna know why. She'll start in about her lame friends, lame boyfriend, lame ex boyfriends, etc. Tell her to say screw it, stop worrying, and come have fun with you and your friends for a little while. She can bring her lame friends (or even her lame boyfriend) if she wants.

Those are just a random bunch of tips. Obviously they don't apply to every type of female in every situation, but you get the picture. I've used the majority of these things with solid results (I've got lots of pictures to prove it).

Say what you will, say how lame it is, say it's mean to manipulate people this way, say it doesn't work, whatever. In the end most of the haters are just people who are making up excuses and going home alone. Mix it up a little, try some of this stuff out, it's fun! Hell, make it a personal challenge. It can be pretty rewarding. Goooood times...

[shifuimam]

Wow. Just....wow.

What I'm seeing is a combination of "act like you're the sh!t; she'll find that attractive" and "manipulate her by doing things in order to make her do what you want".

I mean, I know I'm not really a typical girl, but I find it a complete turn off when a guy is (a)overly confident, (b)"a tad" arrogant, and/or (b)manipulative.

If you want to get some dumb blonde who will put out but be incapable of having an intelligent conversation, go for it. If you actually want someone with some cognitive abilites above a fourteen-year-old, here's a really hot tip: be yourself. You can only keep up a facade of arrogance, coolness, or whatever else for so long before the real you comes out. So you might as well just let it out to begin with, instead of trying to manipulate a girl into believing what you want her to believe, rather than seeing you for who you really are.

[sdilley14]

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

Wow. Just....wow.

What I'm seeing is a combination of "act like you're the sh!t; she'll find that attractive" and "manipulate her by doing things in order to make her do what you want".

I mean, I know I'm not really a typical girl, but I find it a complete turn off when a guy is (a)overly confident, (b)"a tad" arrogant, and/or (b)manipulative.

If you want to get some dumb blonde who will put out but be incapable of having an intelligent conversation, go for it. If you actually want someone with some cognitive abilites above a fourteen-year-old, here's a really hot tip: be yourself. You can only keep up a facade of arrogance, coolness, or whatever else for so long before the real you comes out. So you might as well just let it out to begin with, instead of trying to manipulate a girl into believing what you want her to believe, rather than seeing you for who you really are.

This is also a noble and marginally effective route to take. She better be a friend of a friend though or you better have some sort of "in" like that with her right off the bat. Or you better be highly attractive. Admit it or not, looks do count when letting in strangers and I don't care how nice or smart a girl is, unless she hasn't had a guy in a long time or the guy is obviously more attractive than her, there's virtually no way she'll be welcoming or inviting. Tell me if a guy obviously less attractive than you approached you and tried engaging you, you wouldn't put up a wall immediately? Either that or you would talk to him with 100% certainty in you're mind that you'll never be more than friends with that guy.

[shifuimam]

Originally Posted by sdilley14 

This is also a noble and marginally effective route to take. She better be a friend of a friend though or you better have some sort of "in" like that with her right off the bat. Or you better be highly attractive. Admit it or not, looks do count when letting in strangers and I don't care how nice or smart a girl is, unless she hasn't had a guy in a long time or the guy is obviously more attractive than her, there's virtually no way she'll be welcoming or inviting. Tell me if a guy obviously less attractive than you approached you and tried engaging you, you wouldn't put up a wall immediately? Either that or you would talk to him with 100% certainty in you're mind that you'll never be more than friends with that guy.

That's not a reason to be an asshole, arrogant, or manipulative, though. Wouldn't you rather be true to yourself and get a new friend out of the deal, than be a jerk in an attempt to win over a woman?

If I don't find a guy physically attractive, such tactics as "be a tad arrogant" and "make her dig for information about you" make him even less attractive. I'd much rather talk to a guy who is just himself, regardless of how he looks.

Again - it just depends on what you're looking for. If you want a girl who will put out and never talk to you again, or a girl who's so vapid that you can't have a conversation with her about anything remotely interesting, the asshole routine will probably work. If you're looking for a girl who's in it for the long haul - or just one who can talk about more than Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's failing relationship - then no. This kind of stuff isn't really going to cut it.

[sdilley14]

Hey, I'm not saying you shouldn't be yourself and that you should lie and be this fake, dishonest, evil person. That couldn't be further from the truth. All I'm saying is that there are certain things to do and ways to act to get a favorable response out of women (and people in general-think sales), and that it's not so bad using those things while keeping your integrity to get a good response.

You're right, you can't keep up an act forever and it makes me sick sometimes to see people being so fake and using people with total disregard...that's not what these suggestions are...suggesting. Not at all. Some people need a little boost and some tips to reach their full potential, that's all.

Also, you shouldn't paint people with such a large brush and say that any super attractive girl that reacts to these things and likes having a good time is completely brain dead or is a slut. Talk about a stereotype I've definitely found to be untrue.

[calverson]

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

If you want to get some dumb blonde who will put out but be incapable of having an intelligent conversation, go for it.

If she is hot, yes. You have just described the perfect woman.

I am not up to speaking to "real" girls yet, as they want things like "relationships" or "commitment", or; and this is the worst; at some point they are going to ask me to make a decision about "where we are" as a couple.

[sdilley14]

Originally Posted by calverson 

If she is hot, yes. You have just described the perfect woman.

I am not up to speaking to "real" girls yet, as they want things like "relationships" or "commitment", or; and this is the worst; at some point they are going to ask me to make a decision about "where we are" as a couple.

Hahaha, he said it, not me!!

[OreoCookie]

That attitude has always struck me as immature.
This has nothing to do with sdilley's argument that taking the high road doesn't make you noticed (which in my experience is true), it just means you're looking for a different thing.

A friend (from England, if that matters) has told me about this one book that was the center around a fad, The Dating Game (I think that this was the title). She claimed it was very effective, but you needed to convert yourself into an empty shell and discard your real personality. Thank you, but not no thank you.

@shifuimam
I understand what you're trying to say, but from experience, do you really think women act that way? From my experience your description rather fits their best (male) friend, they want to complain to about how bad all other men are -- while that poor high road-riding sap just wonders why she cannot see him as a potential partner. There is one sentence that lets you know for sure you're out of the game: You're such a nice guy!

[KeyLimePi]

If nothing else shifuimam's opinions prove there is no formula that will guarantee you success with all women.

sorry calverson.

[calverson]

The thing is, shufimam is a. probably a dude, and b. would not realize the underlying tactics at play. If I am not "being myself" or anything for a girl, how the hell would she know?

Yet, I do agree that there is no absolute formula that will guarantee success with all women, but you can get pretty darn close.

Oh, and KeyLimePi, I am sure you have a great personality.

[Andrew Stephens]

money. power. fame

all these have been scientifically proven to increase your attractiveness to women. While most women (when questioned specifically) deny this, it's still true.

so get yourself a cart load of one, or preferably all three.

[besson3c]

Originally Posted by sdilley14 

Hey, I'm not saying you shouldn't be yourself and that you should lie and be this fake, dishonest, evil person. That couldn't be further from the truth. All I'm saying is that there are certain things to do and ways to act to get a favorable response out of women (and people in general-think sales), and that it's not so bad using those things while keeping your integrity to get a good response.

You're right, you can't keep up an act forever and it makes me sick sometimes to see people being so fake and using people with total disregard...that's not what these suggestions are...suggesting. Not at all. Some people need a little boost and some tips to reach their full potential, that's all.

Also, you shouldn't paint people with such a large brush and say that any super attractive girl that reacts to these things and likes having a good time is completely brain dead or is a slut. Talk about a stereotype I've definitely found to be untrue.

I think what shifuimam is saying is that just-add-water solutions generally do not work on intelligent women, because intelligent people aren't that simple.

[shifuimam]

Originally Posted by calverson 

The thing is, shufimam is a. probably a dude...

Oh, for the love of God. We established years ago that I'm not a dude. I really am a girl. I'll sign an affidavit to that effect if it makes you feel better.

It's sad that the perfect woman to you is a blonde with no personality and no brains who will just let you stick it in her whenever you like.

And, yeah. What besson said (who thought I'd ever agree with him...?!). Women with substance require more than being a generic asshole who thinks he's the sh!t.

[calverson]

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

Oh, for the love of God. We established years ago that I'm not a dude.

Who's we, paleface?

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

I really am a girl. I'll sign an affidavit to that effect if it makes you feel better.

It would (and pics or it didn't happen)

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

It's sad that the perfect woman to you is a blonde with no personality and no brains who will just let you stick it in her whenever you like.

Or brunette. Whatever, it is all pink inside.

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

And, yeah. What besson said (who thought I'd ever agree with him...?!). Women with substance require more than being a generic asshole who thinks he's the sh!t.

No they don't. You don't have to think you are the sh*t, you have to be the sh*t. Do you really want to date a loser? Or someone who has self-confidence problems?

No girl is gonna call her friend and be like "OMG Steph, last night I was with this guy, he was so insecure it was awesome! His card was declined, so I had to pay! I think I am in love!"

[shifuimam]

You're taking it to the other extreme.

You can be a worthwhile person without being an arrogant tool about it. If you behave as though you're the raddest guy to ever walk to earth, you're going to look like an asshole. It's okay to not be perfect, and it's okay to not be arrogant.

In fact, excessive egoism and arrogance is a massive turn off.

Me on flickr:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/shifuim...7601278090694/

Happy now?

[OreoCookie]

@calverson
If you're a giant airbag, you won't be very attractive for a relationship. Since this is not what you are apparently aiming for, your strategy seems successful. I think most people, though, are looking for someone to be in a relationship with. So not all of these tips are really helpful.

[calverson]

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

You're taking it to the other extreme.

You can be a worthwhile person without being an arrogant tool about it. If you behave as though you're the raddest guy to ever walk to earth, you're going to look like an asshole. It's okay to not be perfect, and it's okay to not be arrogant.

Right. But it depends on the situation - I am talking about getting a girl to take off her kit and sleep with you. And I am being totally honest about it. You don't behave as though you are "perfect", I mention in my original post that if you get mocked for doing something, do it again. She will more than likely laugh, at which point you tell her it is not funny. If done correctly, she will laugh at that to.

It is definitely okay not to be perfect, but you need to be as close to it as possible, minimally in your attitude and character. It takes work. You don't have to be arrogant about it either, but I usually do it in a tasteful manner when the time is right, and it goes down well.

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

In fact, excessive egoism and arrogance is a massive turn off.

Yes, if done in bad taste or incorrectly.

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

Me on flickr:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/shifuim...7601278090694/

Happy now?

Cute. Yes.

[shifuimam]

Originally Posted by calverson 

Yes, if done in bad taste or incorrectly.

Perhaps in your world. For me, however, any noticeable arrogance is enough for me to reconsider the benefits of going out with a guy.

If you're looking to bed a girl and get nothing else out of it, you can be a giant tool and still get what you want. It's just about where your priorities lie.

[calverson]

Exactly.

[shifuimam]

You don't think that's at all sad? I mean, I wouldn't want to openly tell the world that I'm a tool who just wants to fsck as many women as I can in as little time as possible.

[Dakar V]

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

You don't think that's at all sad? I mean, I wouldn't want to openly tell the world that I'm a tool who just wants to fsck as many women as I can in as little time as possible.

I have the feeling that if you told this forum you wanted to nail as many women as possible, it would go over extremely well.