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Sex Machine - help!
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moonmonkey
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Sep 9, 2011, 04:30 AM
 
I have an old breast milk pump, a blood centrifuge and 250g of sunflower margarine.
With the aid of 2 DD batteries would it be possible to covert these three objects into a working sex machine.

Serious answers only please, my wife is only away for a week.
     
Athens
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Sep 9, 2011, 04:33 AM
 
for go the DD batteries and rig it to operate on 240volt wall sockets. More sexual kick (Zap)

PS - IBL
Blandine Bureau 1940 - 2011
Missed 2012 by 3 days, RIP Grandma :-(
     
Spheric Harlot
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Sep 9, 2011, 04:56 AM
 
If the breast milk pump is giving you ideas, I guess it must be true what they say about Asian men.
     
MacNNUK
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Sep 9, 2011, 06:11 AM
 
No Roos around ?

iMac Intel Core i5, 2.5GHz, 4GB RAM, 500GB 21.5" Monitor 10.8.3.
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Sealobo
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Sep 9, 2011, 07:24 AM
 
is the desired sex machine for yourself or the wife?
     
badidea
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Sep 9, 2011, 07:29 AM
 
My problem is the 250g of sunflower margarine...!?!
***
     
Spheric Harlot
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Sep 9, 2011, 07:39 AM
 
Yeah, I would've expected rapeseed oil.

*badum KSCH*
     
subego
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Sep 9, 2011, 07:52 AM
 
     
subego
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Sep 9, 2011, 08:04 AM
 
Originally Posted by moonmonkey View Post
I have an old breast milk pump, a blood centrifuge and 250g of sunflower margarine.
With the aid of 2 DD batteries would it be possible to covert these three objects into a working sex machine.

Serious answers only please, my wife is only away for a week.
Sorry. I'll be serious.

Put the margarine on some waffles, sell the centrifuge, get a hooker.
     
el chupacabra
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Sep 9, 2011, 11:52 AM
 
wow macnn really has died
     
SpaceMonkey
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Sep 9, 2011, 12:03 PM
 
Originally Posted by el chupacabra View Post
wow macnn really has died
a/s/l?

"One ticket to Washington, please. I have a date with destiny."
     
Laminar
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Sep 9, 2011, 03:04 PM
 
     
Leonard
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Sep 9, 2011, 04:25 PM
 
Originally Posted by moonmonkey View Post
I have an old breast milk pump, a blood centrifuge and 250g of sunflower margarine.
With the aid of 2 DD batteries would it be possible to covert these three objects into a working sex machine.

Serious answers only please, my wife is only away for a week.
What the heck do you need hardware for? Don't you have two perfectly good hands?!?
Mac Pro Dual 3.0 Dual-Core
MacBook Pro
     
SpaceMonkey
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Sep 9, 2011, 04:35 PM
 
Ditch the batteries and go solar. Carbon credits, baby!


"One ticket to Washington, please. I have a date with destiny."
     
reader50
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Sep 9, 2011, 04:38 PM
 
Set up the centrifuge somewhere passers-by can see. Leave it running. Pose the pump on top of a glass jar, also visible. Put the yellow margarine in, along with some gravel and small rocks. Let them assume you are concentrating Uranium. Post some suitable political slogans while you're at it.

Not sure about the sex part, but it will bring excitement into your life. People with guns will come by to talk to you. I expect your wife will be surprised.
     
subego
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Sep 9, 2011, 05:11 PM
 
If you put "Rip Your Dick Off" in the title, you have to grab me in the first 10 seconds.

This did not succeed.
     
Laminar
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Location: Iowa, how long can this be? Does it really ruin the left column spacing?
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Sep 9, 2011, 07:05 PM
 
Sorry, stuff starts happening at around :15, the joke starts at :20.
     
subego
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Sep 9, 2011, 07:28 PM
 
I still maintain "let's make 'em wait for dicks to be ripped off" is a flawed comedy model.
     
brassplayersrock²
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Sep 9, 2011, 08:25 PM
 
Originally Posted by subego View Post
If you put "Rip Your Dick Off" in the title, you have to grab me in the first 10 seconds.

This did not succeed.
In context to the thread, this is the funniest unintentional joke of this thread yet.
     
   
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