[Krusty]

Hi all,
Long time without posting but the MacNN forums have never let me down before. I have a living situation problem right now and I need to figure out the legal and proper way to handle it without taking any missteps or breaking any laws myself. Right now, my girlfriend and her (nearly) 18yr old son are living with me in a house on which I am the sole lessor (they are listed as additional occupants but neither are cosignators). Anyway, after about 3 years of mostly living hell, I'm ready to move on with my life. I knew about 6 months in that I'd made a very bad decision letting them move in with me but of course felt an obligation to continue to let them live with me for the benefit/stabiity of the kid. There is no real animosity between me and my girlfriend and I'd probably continue to date her even living apart (though the awkwardness of the separation of living spaces might make that impossible). But, it's definitely to the point where I'd rather let go of my relationship with her than continue in a living situation that has been a continuous downward slide for the entire time they've been with me. I'll try not to bore anyone with whining about what a pair they are but I'll just say that while I thought I was being the big man and pulling them out of her mother(his grandmother's) house, I soon realized they were living there for a reason ---

Anyway, my lease term has ended and I am now on a monthly basis and am ready to move back over closer to my work instead of living over 1 hr away on the other side of town (one of the many sacrifices I made to help give them a leg up that hasn't panned out. We moved to a nationally ranked, fantastic public school district for the sake of the kid ..... Who has actually never set foot in any school in the year and a half we've been here and he's managed a grand total of 5 weeks of work ( a 3-week job last summer before quitting and a 2 week job this summer before quitting). My GF is also only about 5 min from her work and is living in a real suburban neighborhood instead of her mom's now so, despite all the problems with her son, she of course doesn't really want to leave (hey, even with the deadbeat, dropout son, it's still better not being stuck living at your mom's house with a deadbeat, dropout son).

I'm trying to figure out, now that the kid will soon be 18, is there any legal reason why I can't simply end my lease and move on? There technically wouldn't be an eviction taking place ...they'd just have to find there own lease. The GF has non-existent credit from her younger years of faking to pay her bills. It's unlikely that she could actually get a lease and she'd also have to come up with a truckload of deposits and back fees to the utility companies from her prior attempts to live on her own that crashed and burned. So, realistically, she and her son would probably end up back at her mom's .... so I'm not too worried they'd end up back on the street or something.

Any advice from anyone or anyone know of a good website to get these types of questions answeed ?

[SSharon]

I work at a real estate law firm in NY right now and my first question (without giving any kind of legal advice) is what state are you in? The rules are very different from state to state and that would help people provide local results.

In a strictly non legal response I say move out as you have no obligation to either girlfriend or son. It also doesn't seem like they can afford to hire anyone to sue you. The devil's advocate in me says what if the gf/son are considered third party beneficiaries of your lease contract? Then again with the lease over any potential obligations should end with it . . .

[Rumor]

Have her talk the kid into joining the military. Kid gone, girlfriend stays, problem solved, no?

[Krusty]

Thanks, the state is SC. I'm not concerned that they would sue me, but I've read a few conflicting things about disturbing the home of a minor which is why I didn't even really consider doing this while the kid was under 18. I was more concerned about actually being arrested or having it deemed that I had some sort of guardianship over the kid since I have been supporting him for over 3 years and am carrying a pretty decent debt now which includes expenses like the kid's bail last year. I "split" that cost with his mother but of course, "splitting" the cost meant I paid half and then paid about 80% of his mom's half as well which she would theoretically pay back (but realistically, she probably never will unless she does actually move back with her mom so she can live rent free for a while. Plus, hey, I did want to give the kid a chance to get his poop together while he was still underage.

Thanks for your response too rumor. Military would be great but you can't force someone to go and the kid has not sucessfully completed a school year since the 9th grade. I dont really think they'd take him. But yeah, something like that would be the best though I'd probably want the GF to go ahead and go home anyway so she can catch up on all her bills (not just to me ...she has a long history of bad credit that I wasn't really aware of until after I'd lived with her a while).

[Eug]

Hmmm... 3 years... I'm offering no advice, but are you common law now?

[ort888]

He's 18. Kick that kid out. It's time for him to sink or swim. If he continues to be enabled in his bad behavior, his mom will wake up one morning and he'll be 32 and still living with her.

[ShortcutToMoncton]

Originally Posted by Eug 

Hmmm... 3 years... I'm offering no advice, but are you common law now?

This. Not sure how it works in the US, but it sounds like you might run into some trouble with common-law marriages if you were in Canada (especially depending on expense-sharing and/or tax filings).

greg

[Krusty]

Originally Posted by Eug 

Hmmm... 3 years... I'm offering no advice, but are you common law now?

No. The law in this state is not dependent on the amount of time, it is dependent on "holding yourself out to be married to the community" which I definitely don't do and there is nothing shared between us as far as taxes or bills (all bills are solely in my name except her personal cell bill and all her back bills and student loans).

I agree with ort888 that this kid has all the signs of living with his mom well in to his 30's (just as his mom lived most of her adult life with her mother ... I let her move in when she was 34 but they were both living with her mom at that time). I don't want to simply dump him on society though to become a ward of the state thru welfare or jail. I was highly responsiblle at 18 but if my folks had kicked me out at that point, I realistically wouldn't have made it (being a good student and working part time is not the same as actually working full time and being a viable adult at 18). So, I do still believe that he's not as accountable for total self-sufficiency at 18 as he would be when he was, say, 25. I'd be happy if he were just partially self supporting and did anything productive (school etc.) but he's now on month 11 of doing absolutely nothing except for 2 weeks in May and doesn't seem to have any particular desire to do anything (why would he ... he has everything he needs without working, why bother ?).

Again, thanks for all the replies but does anyone know of a good forum where people are expert on topics like this ? I've searched and everything I find is people just giving opinions and referring people out to talk to a lawyer ... can't find one where actual experts hang out.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by Krusty 

Again, thanks for all the replies but does anyone know of a good forum where people are expert on topics like this ? I've searched and everything I find is people just giving opinions and referring people out to talk to a lawyer ... can't find one where actual experts hang out.

Good luck with that. As far as I can tell it's near impossible to find proper advice off a lawyer without paying them for it. It'd be kinda detrimental to their business to give it away for free, no?

[torsoboy]

Here is a forum that I have been to a couple of times: FreeAdvice Legal Forum They seem to have a lot of knowledgeable people giving legal answers for free.

Good luck with your situation.