[TheoCryst]

I saw this thread on another forum, and after a brief search, decided to ask you, the MacNN community.

The premise: you are watching TV/listening to the radio, and a special announcement is made. Details are scarce, but you have two hours before the zombies reach your area. What do you do?

[smacintush]

Originally Posted by TheoCryst 

I saw this thread on another forum, and after a brief search, decided to ask you, the MacNN community.

The premise: you are watching TV/listening to the radio, and a special announcement is made. Details are scarce, but you have two hours before the zombies reach your area. What do you do?

Start banging every hot chick I can get to in time.

[JohnM15141]

Grab my copy of The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks and start reading real fast!

[Ghoser777]

Stock up as much food and water as possible, buy shotgun with lots of ammo, barricade all entrances, hide in center of house with my laptop and wifi so I don't get bored while waiting for the zombies to die off.

[design219]

Start a thread on MacNN.

[Doofy]

I go have a relaxing bath for an hour.
Then dry off for a half hour.
Then get dressed - five minutes ish.
Then load the cats into the car (just in case the zombies like cat brains too) - ten minutes ish.
Then I get in the car and wait.

Hopefully I'll be able to spot the difference between my neighbours and the zombies so I don't inadvertently run any neighbours down while I'm having fun..

[Dakarʒ]

Originally Posted by design219 

Start a thread on MacNN.

macfantn would, guaranteed.

[sek929]

I'd probably get bit and turn into one of the first zombies to bring about the apocalypse. It's cooler than living in a bunker for the rest of your life.

[Doofy]

Alternatively, dig that old PC out of the closet and stick a copy of Windows Vista on it. When the zombies see it, they'll just pass you by, assuming that there's no zombie food in the vicinity.

[SpaceMonkey]

I'd wow the zombies with my relative charisma and become the tyrant ruler of my own zombie island!

[Brass]

Walk forwards. FORWARDS! Never walk backwards without looking where you're going when there's zombies around!

[Eriamjh]

OMG. It does exist!

[robshoy]

Use F11 to clear the path for me and my laptop to walk through the zombie crowd, then use F9 to pick out the non-zombies to come with me. Finally, I'd get everyone in my car and my cats can sit on my Dashboard as we drive away and all become Finders for the Spotlight of a zombie-free Bliss.

wtf bliss

[climber]

Buy a good mask and take care of a few enemies

[IceEnclosure]

trade in(by force) my saturn for a vehicle with high bumpers and all wheel drive.

[bstone]

Get in the car with food and watch, head the opposite direction in the direction of a friend who is a survivalist. Lots of guns and gernades.

[hickey]

get on my mountain bike, relatively fast and quiet transportation, and bring a bolt action rifle, forces you to conserve your ammo and make good shots, then bike out of town.

[Captain Obvious]

Walk 200 yards to here: Bentley Gold Coast
They have a Hummer in the window I'd steal and I'd drive myself to Milwaukee.

Apart from the fact there's guns stores all over Wisconsin they also have a few of these:

Then its just a matter of loading up the ferry with food and fuel that would allow me to stay on the lake for months at a time. Its sad I actually spent two minutes of my life thinking about this.

[exca1ibur]

Get supplies (swords, guns & ammo, food & water, fishing poles). Gather family and friends and we all drive the marina, jack a sailboat (No need for fuel) and head for the nearest island (Angel Island, Alcatraz) most likely. Go to land when necessary to get more food and supplies as needed.

[mrtew]

Originally Posted by Doofy 

Alternatively, dig that old PC out of the closet and stick a copy of Windows Vista on it. When the zombies see it, they'll just pass you by, assuming that there's no zombie food in the vicinity.

He said they'd be there in two hours dude... how would you install Vista that fast?

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by mrtew 

He said they'd be there in two hours dude... how would you install Vista that fast?

Good point.

But the zombies would probably get the message even while you were in Windows install greybar land. Heck, even having a copy of Vista in the house would probably do it.

[shinykaro]

Do a clean sweep of the convenience store down the street for supplies, board up ground level doors and windows; ammo is great if you're a good shot, but I'm not, so I'd dust off my bokken and knives, take my doggie out for a quick pee, then hide indoors, waiting for the bastards to decompose. I knew this day would come.

[TheoCryst]

My plan? Die, but hopefully take a few of the motherf***ers down with me.

[Demonhood]

no way the zombies could get across the land that quickly. there'd only be 2 hours notice if the government was really really good at covering the whole thing up at the expense of its citizens.

10 Open car trunk
20 Retrieve cricket bat
30 Bashy bashy
40 GOTO 30

[starman]

Originally Posted by smacintush 

Start banging every hot chick I can get to in time.

Dang, beat me to it.

[CharlesS]

Hmm, I do still have an old Pismo lying around, which can be kind of a wildcard with aliens, at least. I wonder if it works against zombies too?

[Rumor]

Where I live there are a bunch of burnt out hippies, so I'm kinda used to the zombies already.

[::maroma::]

I would start a YouTube craze by producing my own "Zombie Fights" series. Nothin funnier than a couple of zombies beatin each other up for some brains.

[ThinkInsane]

Remember kids, you don't need to reload a machete. This has been a public service announcement from the National Zombie Protection Administration. If this had been a real zombie outbreak, this message would be followed by screams and foul language as we ran for our bloody lives.

[Sherman Homan]

this message would be followed by screams and foul language as we ran for our bloody lives.

And TI would be banninated for the foul language part...!

[JohnM15141]

Don't forget to bookmark zombiedefense.org - Prepare for the Zombie Holocaust today. They are coming. Are you ready? on your iPhone as you run screaming out the door!

[TheoCryst]

Originally Posted by Demonhood 

10 Open car trunk
20 Retrieve cricket bat
30 Bashy bashy
40 GOTO 30

Nothing terrifies zombies like BASIC!

It scares the **** out of me, at least.

[SpaceMonkey]

Originally Posted by ThinkInsane 

Remember kids, you don't need to reload a machete. This has been a public service announcement from the National Zombie Protection Administration. If this had been a real zombie outbreak, this message would be followed by screams and foul language as we ran for our bloody lives.

Also, zombies can't climb trees.

[JohnM15141]

Originally Posted by SpaceMonkey 

Also, zombies can't climb trees.

Uh oh watch out for bad advice! It'll get ya killed in a Zombie Invasion

From zombiedefense.org

Question (Tyler Stoyles, Not the Crab Nebula, USA) - Can zombies climb trees?

Answer (Shaun K. Whitney, MDiv.) – They probably could. Those who have lost the flesh off of the tips of their fingers could use their bone-claws to become rock and tree climbors (referred to en masse as "shimmiors"). A more relevent question, Tyler, would be to ask "Would zombie want to climb trees?" The answer came to us in a study from the zd.o Institute for the Study of Homeless People Who Had Their Arms Broken And Then Were Hung in the High Branches of Old-Growth Hardwoods (frequently shortened to the more pallette-friendly IFTSOHPWHTABATWHITHBOOGH). We were beginning to reconsider our vast financial stake in said institute when your question came through.

FA-887 and three interns (go Wahoos!) headed down to the trainyard, each armed with a bottle of Maker's Mark and a crisp twenty dollar bill. FA-887 managed to then taser an elderly homeless gentleman, and the interns placed him into the back of the zd.o research truck (outfitted with the requisite zd.o research homeless guy cage). The test subject was then delivered to IFTSOHPWHTABATWHITHBOOGH. The subject tolerated the preparation process very well, and was placed at the top of a Carolina white oak. A pack of shamblors was released next to the tree, and within twenty four hours they managed to deliver several bites to the target. Following this successful test, we repaid the test subject by "employing" him as a shamblor in our test group.

[PB2K]

I know too little about zombies I guess, but I have seen Shawn Of The Dead, Michael Jackson, Dusk Till Dawn and I liked Return of the Living Dead a lot. So consider me an average expert. I think I would hire a gardening company to do my lawn, they have loads of gardening equipment and know how to use it.

as we all know those rakes, lawnmowers and chainsaws cut thru zombies like butter. With an experienced army around, my easy life won't change a bit

[xi_hyperon]

Book a reservation at The Fiddler's Green as fast as I ****in could.

[G Barnett]

Gather up as much canned food as I could and hightail it for the nearest paper mill. Nothing says "zombie slaughter" like a few industrial-grade wood-pulpers....

[Peter]

a few thoughts (from Max Brooks, big fan)
Ferries = awful, confined space, just need one infected and you're screwed
Bicycle is superior to Car, numerous reasons = more agile, silent, no fuel supply. We're assuming these are Dawn of the Dead Zombies Rather than 28 Days later zombies.
Machetes are good, probably your best bet. Make sure you carry a small array of knives. Combat knives are also handy at close range.
Carry a paper mouth cover (that doctors wear) to prevent blood entering your mouth. Consider goggles. Remember that if you sever a zombie artery blood will spray over you = assume blood internally = zombie.
Combat trousers are good, as are hiking boots. Consider any tshirt and multiple layers. More pockets = better, not too baggy. Rohan are probably ideal.

[sek929]

Get shotgun, lots of shells, drive to Home Depot and rape the plywood section (with a shotty who needs to pay?), seal off house entirely, cut hole in ceiling/roof to create only way in/out, hope local rabbit population can sustain self.

I'd probably try to snag as much fuel I could find in the hopes I would stumble across a generator. Then at least I would have an eternity with my DVDs

[Doofy]

Right. You're all scaring me now.

So I'm off to OmniGraffle to design a Swiss-grade zombie shelter for the back lawn. Someone order up some concrete. Ta.

[Peter]

No!
Rule #1: Stay Mobile!

[sek929]

I'm dead in the water if I stay mobile.

We get plenty of rain around here, the house would be impervious, and no windows or doors = no light or noise to attract any jerks.

Once panic sets in the streets would be an absolute f**kin nightmare to attempt to traverse, even on a bicycle. Under stressful driving you'll burn a tank of fuel in 260 miles....then what?

Short of going to the Winchester I think my plan works

Edit: Also with plenty of ladders in the basement I can easily fashion a way to get down from the roof hatch and keep my house fortress impenetrable. I could wait it out for a week and then scavenge (on my bike) what I needed to survive....thats when the shotty would really come in handy.

Under worse case scenario I would hop into my truck and hope I can get somewhere before running out of gas.

[Rumor]

Don't forget to stock up the harem.

[Peter]

I think you have to hide until the general public are dead. Maybe 72 hours.

[Electric Zombie]

Why, I'd eat people, of course.

[olePigeon]

Originally Posted by JohnM15141 

Grab my copy of The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks and start reading real fast!

I wouldn't. That was a stupid book. I know it's not meant to be taken seriously, but when the author suggests not trapping yourself in a building... then suggests staying in a Mall in the following paragraph, well, it's crap.

Besides, I'd just call in the professionals:

[Captain Obvious]

Originally Posted by Peter 

a few thoughts (from Max Brooks, big fan)
Ferries = awful, confined space, just need one infected and you're screwed.

Well, that's crap. It assumes I'd have any interest in having a full compliment of people on board. I would not. The immediate fam and a chick to bang is all that's needed. So 10 people tops on board a boat meant to carry 200+ is not a problem.

Plus it solves the problem of fresh water and food for me. Everyone else's plans don't account for having an unlimited supply of that.

[design219]

This is why Democrats exist.

[Face Ache]

I'd get in my car and head for Adelaide.

If the zombies are after brains they'll bypass Adelaide.

[ThinkInsane]

Being a fan of the zombie lit genre, I was going to recommend Day by Day Armageddon by J. L. Bourne, but for some reason the prices listed on the link are $89 and $101 and that seems a bit steep for a self-published paperback. The book did get picked up by a publisher, so it should be available at a much more reasonable price soon. Hell, maybe I should throw my copy on Amazon, I think I paid $10 for it two months ago.

If you do come across it, I'll give you a little warning: It ends in a kind of cliffhanger, and the author is an active duty squid officer, so the sequel has been slow in coming. And I don't know if his new publishing deal would push the release back even further. It's a good read though, written in journal format. It works well, and breaks away from the traditional (and fairly tired) zombie format. Kind of like Max Brooks did with World War Z and the interview style. Interesting new takes on an old idea. Oh, and you would do yourself a favor to check out the audio book of World War Z. There's a great cast reading the different interviews (Henry Rollins, Alan Alda, Mark Hamill, Carl Reiner, John Turturro, and others). You can download ten parts as a podcast from iTMS if you want to give a listen.

Sorry about pimping the zombie lit., post-apopolyptic fiction is has always been a genre I enjoy and I think it's under-appreciated.