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Is Marriage worth it?
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Addicted to MacNN
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Is marriage really worth it? If you had it over to do again would you still get married or prefer life as a single person. Do the benefits exceed the problems. I am just wondering?
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Blandine Bureau 1940 - 2011
Missed 2012 by 3 days, RIP Grandma :-(
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Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2000
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I would still get married but I'd choose a different maid of honor and a cheaper wedding venue. Everything else has been pretty good!
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Games Meister
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You know, I just don't have faith the Lounge is up to making this thread is awesome as it could be.
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Posting Junkie
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I have to ask: What did your maid of honour do to earn your disapproval?
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I have plenty of more important things to do, if only I could bring myself to do them....
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Addicted to MacNN
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Originally Posted by Waragainstsleep
I have to ask: What did your maid of honour do to earn your disapproval?
She was probably a controlling bitch.
Marriage changes people, sometimes for the better. However, it's better than dating. Make sure your mate is everything that you need him or her to be. There will be a hundred more things that annoy you. Be prepared to live with them.
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I'm a bird. I am the 1% (of pets).
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Clinically Insane
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There have been ups and downs, but it's mostly awesome. Once we learned that jealousy is completely useless, things have worked much more smoothly.
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"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Sep 2006
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What do you mean by marriage? The actual legal contract? Or just a long-term committed relationship? I've been in a 17 year relationship and now an 8 year relationship. I would get married if I had the opportunity since it affords legal advantages that I deem important.
Is it worth it? I wouldn't have it any other way. I find my life much more fulfilling with a partner.
I think the biggest cause of failure in a relationship is the lack of knowing oneself. You have to be secure in who you are and what you are about before you can ever attempt to form a partnership with another person. NEVER look to another to "complete" you. That's just nonsense from silly movies.
With the right partner, your life will be enhanced greatly. But it's only worth it if you make it so.
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Addicted to MacNN
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The long term commitment of sharing you're time, money, emotions with some one and all the compromises that goes with it.
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Blandine Bureau 1940 - 2011
Missed 2012 by 3 days, RIP Grandma :-(
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Grizzled Veteran
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Originally Posted by Atheist
I think the biggest cause of failure in a relationship is the lack of knowing oneself. You have to be secure in who you are and what you are about before you can ever attempt to form a partnership with another person. NEVER look to another to "complete" you. That's just nonsense from silly movies.
With the right partner, your life will be enhanced greatly. But it's only worth it if you make it so.
Very wise words! After a lot of hard work one comes to realize that the Other can only make us happy if we can make ourselves happy and if we can just love our partner for who they are, quirks, annoyances and all. I definitely recommend committed partnerships as a source of contentment, health and growth.
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Administrator
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Marriage - to the right person - is so much more than "worth it," that there aren't words to describe the comparison. My wife is <warning: clichés ahead> my soul mate, my best friend, a fantastic partner in education and business, and a wonderful person to be around. <end of clichés> But I certainly lucked out. Not nearly enough people find any of those qualities, and certainly not so many of them, in the person they marry. A lot of people expect to "change" their new marriage partner, rather than expecting to "grow with" the other person. And others are simply too much into themselves to be able to give enough to make the relationship worthwhile to the other person, let alone to learn that giving is something that makes getting pale in comparison.
I certainly didn't know much about myself when I met and married my wife, but I did know that her companionship and happiness were so important to me that I would do anything it took to keep those things. This (eventually) taught me a lot about myself. We've had rough spots that we've gotten through together, but never any sort of problem between us. We just mesh so well that I can't imagine anything like that coming up.
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Glenn -----OTR/L, MOT, Tx
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Posting Junkie
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Originally Posted by ghporter
Marriage - to the right person - is so much more than "worth it," that there aren't words to describe the comparison. My wife is <warning: clichés ahead> my soul mate, my best friend, a fantastic partner in education and business, and a wonderful person to be around. <end of clichés> But I certainly lucked out. Not nearly enough people find any of those qualities, and certainly not so many of them, in the person they marry. A lot of people expect to "change" their new marriage partner, rather than expecting to "grow with" the other person. And others are simply too much into themselves to be able to give enough to make the relationship worthwhile to the other person, let alone to learn that giving is something that makes getting pale in comparison.
I certainly didn't know much about myself when I met and married my wife, but I did know that her companionship and happiness were so important to me that I would do anything it took to keep those things. This (eventually) taught me a lot about myself. We've had rough spots that we've gotten through together, but never any sort of problem between us. We just mesh so well that I can't imagine anything like that coming up.
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Clinically Insane
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"I would do anything for love, but I won't do that."
bleed over from another thread...
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"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
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Professional Poster
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yawn
Now let's hear from the divorced people
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Barack Obama: Four more years of the Carter Presidency
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2001
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there is no upside in getting married, unless for tax return benefit.
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I should have said a committed relationship or marriage.
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Blandine Bureau 1940 - 2011
Missed 2012 by 3 days, RIP Grandma :-(
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Apr 2003
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Marriage tends to cause more emotional closeness than simply dating or living together. To many guys this is a win-win, they get sex and they get an easy out if they want to split. However, most women get antsy in a non-marriage LTR, due to their craving for stability and commitment.
Men = sex and freedom
Women = stability and comfort
It's the natural order of things, roaming vs. nesting. Some, however, don't fit the conventional norms. I'm a nester, and even though I did enjoy picking up "strange" it doesn't mean as much to me as a closer emotional bond. When guys say "there's no upside to getting married" what they really mean is they aren't able to understand intimate emotional bonds. That's not a crack on the male gender, guys for the most part don't have an overabundance of empathy to begin with, so expecting us to naturally understand those types of needs can be unrealistic.
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"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
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Addicted to MacNN
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I am more a nester to, I prefer long term and stability. My issues is with every relationship I have ever been in thus far I'm the one paying for everything, doing all the work, being the slave. Cooking, cleaning, running partner around. Never have time for myself, always broke and always playing catch up trying to keep the place clean, shelves stocked and food on the table. I am failing to see the advantages of relationships period. I can fulfill the sex need easily with out a relationship so I'm asking myself why waste money and time on other people.
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Blandine Bureau 1940 - 2011
Missed 2012 by 3 days, RIP Grandma :-(
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Clinically Insane
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Then you need to find a nester and lay off the roamers, IMO. That may be more difficult with gay men, but I'm sure there are some out there.
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"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
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Addicted to MacNN
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Ha most of that was with woman. And 4 yeas and 6 year relationships I wouldn't call roamers
I'm bi not gay. I play both fields.
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Blandine Bureau 1940 - 2011
Missed 2012 by 3 days, RIP Grandma :-(
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Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: inside 128, north of 90
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I'd call them users then, not roamers. They didn't do the work because you were. Either they thought you liked being nurturing or they didn't want to share the load. Not fair.
Divvying up chores is one of those parts of partnership that exists marriage or no though.
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Addicted to MacNN
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Depends on how much the mail-ordered bride cost and how young and pretty she is. If she is young and hot, and I got a good deal on her, then she is worth it.
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Bush Tax Cuts == Job Killer
June 2001: 132,047,000 employed
June 2003: 129,839,000 employed
2.21 million jobs were LOST after 2 years of Bush Tax Cuts.
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Dec 2000
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edited for reasons
But I think a marriage can be great, my parents have been married for 43 years and are still in love. I want that too !
(
Last edited by PB2K; Jan 1, 2012 at 02:56 PM.
)
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{Animated sigs are not allowed.}
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Senior User
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I still support the concept of marriage as a functional solution in long term relationships because of certain practical advantages. It's hard to weave together enough legal work-arounds to cover parental responsibility, tax, income and benefit advantages, inheritance, medical rights (I'm in a comma, who decides for me) and all the other things that just automatically come along with marriage.
Unfortunately, in order for those things to work out you have to have a partner who is reliable in taking responsibility for those things. Without that, marriage can be an enormous burden.
Another issue is that there are people who are fine in a one-on-one but children completely blow their ability to carry on a positive relationship with their spouse. And it's hard to really know beforehand. But I'd say if someone is kind of childish themselves, needs a lot of care and attention like a spoiled 5 year old then that's a hint.
I think the biggest, most important thing to realize (and the hardest unfortunately) is that a person is not going to improve just because you marry them or change because you want them to. You get what you pay for so you better really like the kind of person they are in all their glory up front.
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: Mar 2004
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Originally Posted by hart
I'm in a comma
Sorry to hear that, I myself am in an exclamation mark.
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I have plenty of more important things to do, if only I could bring myself to do them....
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Addicted to MacNN
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If you are considering marrage, and you are still asking that question, then perhaps now isn't the time to marry.
For myself, in my situation: YES. It's been well worth it. (Even with the many ups and many downs.) Wouldn't trade it for anything.
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- MacBook Air M2 16GB / 512GB
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Professional Poster
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I'll let you know in about 7 and a half months. What I wouldn't give to skip all this planning and preparation stuff.
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Fresh-Faced Recruit
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Marrage is an act of religion,If you not a Christian the don't bother.Marrage is God's concession to lust and is suppose to be for life and no Minister Of GOD's word should preform one for non members of his congragation and divorce is the will of Satan
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Fresh-Faced Recruit
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Is it worth it ? what is the worth of your SOUL!
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Addicted to MacNN
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Originally Posted by wayneoden59
Marrage is an act of religion,If you not a Christian the don't bother.Marrage is God's concession to lust and is suppose to be for life and no Minister Of GOD's word should preform one for non members of his congragation and divorce is the will of Satan
Well, I think that the state should call all unions "civil unions" and leave the term marriage to the church, but things being what they are, the state does indeed call such a union marriage, which has nothing to do with the ceremony that the church performs. It does offer certain legal advantages with regards to rights and taxation. That by itself might be worth looking at.
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- MacBook Air M2 16GB / 512GB
- MacBook Pro 16" i9 2.4Ghz 32GB / 1TB
- MacBook Pro 15" i7 2.9Ghz 16GB / 512GB
- iMac i5 3.2Ghz 1TB
- G4 Cube 500Mhz / Shelf display unit / Museum display
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Administrator
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Originally Posted by wayneoden59
Marrage is an act of religion,If you not a Christian the don't bother.Marrage is God's concession to lust and is suppose to be for life and no Minister Of GOD's word should preform one for non members of his congragation and divorce is the will of Satan
I beg to differ. Marriage is an act of commitment between two people, and if they choose to include their chosen religious significance in that commitment, all the better for them. Far too many people marry for all the wrong reasons, including companionship with a hook on it, "free" sex that is anything but, and to "change him/her to be the person I know he/she can be!" (ignoring that people change from within, not because someone else forces them to). Simply saying that God invented marriage as a "concession to lust" ignores millennia of theological and social background and history. Marriage existed before Christianity, and did and still does exist outside of Christianity.
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Glenn -----OTR/L, MOT, Tx
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Addicted to MacNN
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Originally Posted by wayneoden59
Marrage is an act of religion,If you not a Christian the don't bother.Marrage is God's concession to lust and is suppose to be for life and no Minister Of GOD's word should preform one for non members of his congragation and divorce is the will of Satan
Marriage or no marriage long term cohabitation has the same pit falls and legal obligations regardless at least here. If two people live together in a sexual relationship, gay or straight, and split, assets can be divided as if it was a marriage because after one year its considered a common law relationship. Like I said before I should have said is long term committed relationships worth it, marriage was a poor choice of words.
Sacrificing freedom and resources is one aspect of it. Emotional pain when it ends or worst death. Its always a 50/50 of who dies first but it is guaranteed one will die. From the surface it seems better to live individual lives unless you plan to make a child. And even then I think I rather be a single dad then subject myself to all the pit falls of a committed relationship.
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Blandine Bureau 1940 - 2011
Missed 2012 by 3 days, RIP Grandma :-(
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Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: inside 128, north of 90
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Originally Posted by wayneoden59
Marrage is an act of religion,If you not a Christian the don't bother.Marrage is God's concession to lust and is suppose to be for life and no Minister Of GOD's word should preform one for non members of his congragation and divorce is the will of Satan
Welcome to the forums! Sounds like anyone who isn't Christian is damned if they do, damned if they don't. Damn.
Predicting pol/war lounge in 3...2...1...
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Dec 2000
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The tax man will get you anyway. We didn't bother with the legal unions, but as far as the government is concerned, we're married anyway.
BTW, I'm so happy we spent $0 on a wedding ceremony. The money is just so much better spent paying down our mortgage.
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Addicted to MacNN
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Sorry about your Grandmother, OP. You sure a thread like this is the best way to express your grief?
I'm more of a rent than own kinda guy, ifyouknowwhati'msayin'
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Professional Poster
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No matter how beautiful she is,
there is some guy somewhere
who is sick of her shit.
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Games Meister
Join Date: Aug 2009
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Why was that written in faux haiku form?
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Banned
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Just follow your heart. But do not let marriage become the burden in the life.
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Addicted to MacNN
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Originally Posted by skyrim
Just follow your heart. But do not let marriage become the burden in the life.
Skyrim? Amulet of Mara?
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Jan 2002
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If you love her, then yeah. If not, oh s--t!
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
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Originally Posted by Athens
The long term commitment of sharing you're time, money, emotions with some one and all the compromises that goes with it.
I'm not sure what you are looking for in an answer...
Is the gamble worth it? Nobody can answer that for you. Marriage is great when it works out, not so much when it doesn't. To me, life is more fun with the gamble, if you want to call it that. Marriage takes certain personal qualities to make work, but in my opinion refining those personal qualities make you a better person whether you choose to marry or not.
What else is there to say, really? I guess "sometimes" if you are looking for the shortest possible answer?
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
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I hate traditional weddings. Part of it might be all the performance we've been a part of in traditional weddings, but the whole formula just seems so utterly uncreative and trite to me now. Do something original and personal, don't just spend $234234098 on the traditional marriage script.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Dec 1999
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Originally Posted by wayneoden59
Is it worth it ? what is the worth of your SOUL!
$2 million. I accept PayPal.
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"…I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than
you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours." - Stephen F. Roberts
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Addicted to MacNN
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I personally rather have a gf/bf who lives in the same building complex but actually living with me in my own unit. I rather we keep our social groups we already have and continue to live mostly independent lives at the same time sharing some of it. Like shared meals, watching movies, going to dinner, going to events, spending vacations together and sex. But at the same time still have our own places, our own friends, pay our own ways and alone time. I guess thats what I am getting at.
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Blandine Bureau 1940 - 2011
Missed 2012 by 3 days, RIP Grandma :-(
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Games Meister
Join Date: Aug 2009
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Originally Posted by Athens
I personally rather have a gf/bf
Into she-males, eh?
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Clinically Insane
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Is marriage worth it? hmm... Today I'm wondering. Hormonal pregnant wife who insists that nothing has changed and that she can physically do anything and everything. Grrr.
On the plus side, Emma's a kung fu master, her kicks are absolutely epic.
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"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
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Addicted to MacNN
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Originally Posted by The Final Dakar
Into she-males, eh?
No!
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Blandine Bureau 1940 - 2011
Missed 2012 by 3 days, RIP Grandma :-(
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Games Meister
Join Date: Aug 2009
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Originally Posted by Athens
No!
The Lady Doth Protest too Much.
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Addicted to MacNN
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Blandine Bureau 1940 - 2011
Missed 2012 by 3 days, RIP Grandma :-(
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: Jan 2006
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Originally Posted by Athens
I personally rather have a gf/bf who lives in the same building complex but actually living with me in my own unit. I rather we keep our social groups we already have and continue to live mostly independent lives at the same time sharing some of it. Like shared meals, watching movies, going to dinner, going to events, spending vacations together and sex. But at the same time still have our own places, our own friends, pay our own ways and alone time. I guess thats what I am getting at.
So you want to do the fun things together but not anything else? Yeah, don't get married.
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Addicted to MacNN
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Originally Posted by imitchellg5
So you want to do the fun things together but not anything else? Yeah, don't get married.
No I don't want to have to pick her up from work every day. driver her to the store every day. Do all the dishes and pick up after her, and cancel or not make plans because I have to take her to the dentist or to the post office or to the mall. Get nagged on because i want to eat something not healthy or want to watch a movie or play a game uninterrupted for a couple hours. To not have to work every day just to watch my money spent by some one else. That's what I mean. is all that worth it for what you get that is good?
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Blandine Bureau 1940 - 2011
Missed 2012 by 3 days, RIP Grandma :-(
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